True Love For Eternity

s/x fic - A Chance At Loving You

2009-11-05T15:15:51Z

Title : A Chance At Loving You
Pairing : Steven Gerrard/Xabi Alonso
Rating : PG13
Summary : A short AU story. Steven Gerrard is a journalist for Liverpool FC's official magazine and Xabi Alonso is the captain of the football club.
Disclaimer : This is a story contrived from my imagination. Mistakes are all mine.
Warnings : An absolutely impossible fluff fic, it is almost ridiculous. :P
Feedbacks : I'd love it a lot.
A/N : I haven't written in a while so I know that this is rather crappy, but I'd like to dedicate this fic anyway to my lovely flisters that would be celebrating their birthdays in the next few days. This is for elisex, imyourheroine and nicole811. I hope you like it.

A Chance At Loving You

Steven Gerrard never believed in love at first sight. He’d always thought that notion was impossible and ridiculous but the unthinkable did happen when he’d seen Xabi Alonso, captain of Liverpool Football Club, that day at the players’ lounge in Melwood. Previously he’d only ever seen Xabi in magazines and from afar at matches at Anfield but the day when he’d felt his heart thumped a few extra beats was when he’d stood only a couple of feet away from the Spaniard.

He’d gone to Melwood to do an interview with the club’s manager at the start of the new season, his first assignment as the new head journalist for the club’s official magazine and had never expected to bump into the Liverpool captain. Xabi had flashed him a smile and had said hello when he’d caught him staring and Steven had acknowledged it with a huge wide grin. It’d only been a brief encounter but little did he know that it would stay with him for the rest of his life.

After that first meeting, he hadn’t been able to take Xabi out of his mind. He didn’t understand what he'd been feeling at first, didn’t know why he’d kept thinking about him all day and night but soon he’d accepted the unfortunate fact that he’d fallen head over heels with the Liverpool captain.

That startling revelation had propelled Steven to return to Melwood constantly in order to get close glimpses of Xabi. Whenever he was there however, no one would really question his presence since the staffs knew he was working for the club. His resolve in wanting to see Xabi was rewarded though. They’d met numerous times along the training ground’s hallways or at the players’ room and each and everytime they would exchange quick hellos but it never went beyond more than Steven had wanted. Of course what he had in mind would never materialise because Xabi hadn’t known who he really was and it could only be a dream that the captain would be actually interested in a normal bloke like himself, if he was interested at all.

But Xabi kept on haunting him and Steven knew the only way he could get real close to Xabi was if he could nail an interview with the captain.

His relentless determination was finally rewarded when his chief in editor had agreed to his constant pestering and had told him that he would get to do that interview he’d been craving for. And that day was finally upon him as he waited patiently in the lounge room that afternoon for Xabi to appear.

***

Xabi Alonso was told by his agent earlier that morning that he had an interview to do with the club’s magazine in the afternoon. There was no training session that day and Xabi had been looking forward to the day off. He had lamented to his agent about the interview and had asked if it was possible for it to be postponed, citing he’d made plans with some friends, but when he’d found out that Steven Gerrard was doing the interview, Xabi had quickly agreed.

When he entered the training complex that afternoon, Xabi noticed his car and two more others were the only ones there with Steven’s familiar black Range Rover being one of them. He’d seen him before in that car and that was how he knew he’d already arrived.

After parking his car at his usual spot, Xabi glanced at his watch and realised he was a couple of minutes late. He didn’t like to keep anyone waiting and after quickly straightening himself, Xabi made his way hurriedly inside the building. The corridors seemed endless that day as he ran all the way towards the players’ lounge where they had promised to conduct the interview and when he finally made it outside the room, Xabi took in a long deep breath.

He peeped through the glass on the door and saw Steven standing by the window, glancing outside towards the training field. Xabi didn’t understand why but suddenly he started to get really nervous, his palms clammy as he rubbed them gingerly together. Leaning against the door, Xabi then raked his fingers through his hair and tried to calm himself down.

“You’ve seen him a couple of times here already. You’ve said hi to him and he seems really friendly and nice. So why are you so nervous about being interviewed by him?” Xabi thought to himself as he checked his appearance again. And he wasn’t sure himself why he was being very self conscious all of a sudden.

“Just get in there and get this done and over with. It’s just like any other interview you’ve done before. There is no difference. Just get in there and you’ll be fine.”

But somehow it wasn’t as easy as Xabi thought it would be. Stealing another quick glance at the person inside the room, he remembered bumping into Steven, or Stevie as he’d heard them calling him a couple of times before, and each time he was compelled to find out more about the intriguing stranger. But on each occasion that he’d seen him with his rather large messenger bag slung across his shoulder and that charming grin displayed on his lips, words seemed to fail him until one day his curiosity had gotten the better of him.

“He’s Steven Gerrard, the new head journalist for the club’s magazine if yer really want to know,” Carra had told him with a sly grin one day after training. He’d asked his vice captain about the stranger when he’d seen them talking at the parking lot and had been secretly happy that he’d finally found out his name.

“The new head journalist? He looks a bit young to be one, no?”

“Well, yer’re a young captain yerself so that’s not really surprisin’ now, is it? For someone young to take on a massive responsibility?” Carra had reasoned when he had questioned further about Steven. “I think he’s more less about yer age and I heard them say that he’s really good. In fact I’d read an article he’d written in the latest issue and I really have to agree that he’s good. I guess that’s why he got the position. And yer know, when I think about it again, the both of yer are really not much different than the other.”

“What do you mean?” Xabi had asked inquisitively.

“Both of yer are young and really, really good in yer area of interest. And both are pretty ambitious too. A match made in heaven I’d have to say. Are yer interested, Xabi?”

“Interested? What do you mean by interested?”

“Fuck’s sakes, Xabi. Don’t tell me yer don’t understand what I’m sayin’, eh? I’ve noticed that he seems to be around here a lot, always bumpin’ into yer in the corridors and in the lounge room. He’s always around somehow. Maybe he likes yer, eh? And maybe yer like him too judging by yer sudden interest in him, is that why yer’re askin’ me all these questions about him?”

“You are crazy to think that!” he’d cried aloud when he’d finally understood Carra’s teasing although all day after that, Steven was all that he could think about. And in his head he’d imagined the different type of scenarios of how it would be like to actually be with him.

After a couple of minutes of debating on how he should approach Steven, Xabi finally gathered all of his courage to push the door open and his presence was immediately sensed when Steven turned around from the window to face him. For a moment neither man said a word. Xabi felt like he was in a time warp where everything stood still. Then he saw Steven’s lips moving and realised he was actually talking to him.

“I am Steven Gerrard,” he said.

“His accent is typically Scouse, just like Jamie’s,” Xabi quietly thought as he reached out to take his offered hand.

“Hi, and I guess you know I am Xabi.”

“I do, of course I do. Can we start now?”

Steven Gerrard was smiling at him, asking whether they could start the interview, not wanting to waste any of his time and all Xabi could think of at that moment was how his smile, so heart warming and gorgeous, and his eyes, the bluest of blue he had ever seen had made his heart skip a few tantalising beats.

***

The two hours allocated for the interview suddenly seemed to fly by too quickly for Steven. Xabi had duly answered all of his questions, telling him all that he’d needed to know, from how he’d started as a junior with Real Sociedad to becoming captain of one of the biggest clubs in the world in a short span of time.

“It all had to do with hard work, it is not only down to luck and I am really proud to captain this club. The feeling is indescribable really. When you’ve found something you’ve been looking for in life, the feeling is exquisite. That’s how I feel really when I’m here. Everytime I walk this club out of that tunnel, I feel proud and I always want to do well with them. If we lose any game, it hurts me more because I know I’ve let the fans down. It goes the same with every player I am sure but it hurts a bit more when you are captain, no?”

“Yes, I agree with what yer have to say,” Steven had answered. “If I was captain, I’d be just like yer.”

“Somehow I believe you definitely would,” Xabi had smiled.

Watching Xabi speak had been mesmerizing and Steven had found himself wishing he’d have more time with him. A few times during the interview, Steven had let his mind wander to dangerous territory, letting his eyes wander to the stretch of Xabi’s neck, wondering how it would feel like if he could press his lips just there. He was wearing a black shirt and the top button was undone, giving Steven a view of something he shouldn’t really be seeing but all he could do then was curse inwardly at his rotten luck.

After everything was over and after he’d packed his belongings, Steven finally stood up from his seat and thanked Xabi for letting him do the interview.

“It’s no problem at all. It’s been my pleasure, Steven,” Xabi answered and the way he had said his name made Steven’s breathing hitched.

“Fuckin’ hell, how did me name suddenly sounded so good?” Steven whimpered inside and quickly looked down when he felt Xabi’s stare boring holes in his soul.

If he’d thought Xabi was gorgeous before then Steven felt he’d been grossly wrong. He’s not just gorgeous but absolutely fucking insanely beautiful. In his eyes, he’d never seen anyone as breathtakingly beautiful as Xabi. At such close proximity, Steven could hardly breathe and he wondered how he’d survived the whole interview without getting a heart attack.

“Thanks for the great interview again, Xabi. I really do appreciate yer time.”

He’d unwittingly thanked him again in a space of a few minutes and when he realised Xabi was grinning at him, he blushed.

“That’s the second time you have thanked me this afternoon.”

“Oh well, it is not always I have the privilege to interview yer,” he answered swiftly, trying hard to hide his embarrassment. “I can’t help me self but to thank yer. Yer know what I mean.”

“And like I said, Steven, it’s been my pleasure.”

“I’m glad,” he muttered softly and they were on their way out of the room when Xabi suddenly stopped abruptly right in front of the door making Steven almost bump into him. He turned around and Steven found himself staring straight into Xabi’s eyes.

“Xabi?” he asked when he saw the captain just standing there without saying a word. “What’s the matter? What’s wrong?”

***

Xabi’s back was facing the door and his hands behind him had reached for the door knob, quickly locking it from the inside, his actions preventing anyone from entering the room. For now, he didn’t want anyone to disturb what he was about to do with Steven.

“Xabi?” he heard Steven calling his name again. “What’s the matter? And why did yer lock the door?”

“I’ve to ask you something,” Xabi began bravely as he stood there before Steven. He didn’t know where he’d found the courage to be bold but the questions in his head were swirling like mad, driving him insane. The look on Steven’s face, his blue eyes narrowed and questioning made Xabi feel his actions were perfectly justifiable. He simply had to find out what Steven was feeling and he definitely needed to show Steven what he was doing to his insides.

“Steven, would you be truthful to me? Would you answer me honestly if I were to ask you something?”

He saw Steven gulping, certain he wouldn’t have reacted that way if he wasn’t hiding anything from him.

“Steven?”

“Yes, Xabi,” Steven said softly. “What is it that yer want to ask me then? I’d answer yer if I could.”

Steven’s voice sounded like a hoarse whisper. And somehow it had sounded amazingly sexy to Xabi all of a sudden. God, he’d only just gotten to know this man and he was already driving his mind crazy. What the hell was going on?

“We’ve seen each other quite a number of times in Melwood, si?”

“Err, yes, yes we have…”

“I was just wondering, were you here all the time to see someone? I mean, I know for a fact that you don’t really have to be here all the time. I know you work for the magazine but unless of course you had needed to see certain players or the manager to do interviews in which you haven’t, you don’t really need to be at Melwood, am I right?”

Xabi saw Steven throwing him a quick glance before turning his face aside to avert his gaze. He wondered what Steven was thinking and tried in vain to read his thoughts. The first actual meeting between them and Xabi felt something was already starting to develop and he was absolutely convinced that was the case. He had to find some answers to the sudden mad pull that he was having for Steven. Maybe what Carra had said was right and Xabi somehow wanted it so much to be true.

“Steven, why are you so quiet? Please answer me?” he said, his voice serious.

“But what is it that yer want to know?”

“I want to know why you’re always here. I know that it could be a thousand different reasons but I still would like to know.”

***

The endearing curious look he was getting from Xabi made Steven want to scream. Why was he asking him the one question he was desperate he’d never have to answer? Had he been too obvious with his visits to Melwood? Perhaps he had and now he was fretting because Xabi had cornered him with nowhere to go. Of course he could lie but somehow he couldn’t bring himself to do so although right then it seemed to be like the best option.

“The reason for me bein’ here was yer, Xabi,” he’d wanted to say but he quickly changed his mind and bit hard at his bottom lip instead.

That scene where he’d first seen Xabi standing there in this very room by the players’ sofa soon flashed before his eyes; how he’d caught his laughing eyes and how his smile had widened when he’d seen him looking at him. Steven recalled that moment in his head and he remembered how his stomach had churned nervously when Xabi had nodded his way. From that very first moment he’d laid eyes on him he’d been hooked. And ever since then Steven knew there could be no turning back.

“Steven?”

Xabi’s voice brought him out of his daze once again.

“Just tell him ye fancy him!” his inner voice cried but he didn’t just fancy him! No, the word fancy was an understatement because Steven was sure his feelings for Xabi ran much more deeper than that.

“Xabi, does it really matter why I’m here all the time? I mean why do yer want to know so much?”

“No, it doesn’t really matter,” Xabi said, shaking his head with a sad smile and Steven’s heart plummeted when he’d heard and seen that look.

“Xabi, I don’t really understand why yer want to know or why it’s important for yer to know. I mean it doesn’t make much sense why yer want to know so much. Does it?”

Not answering his question, Xabi quickly moved from the door and then moved right into Steven’s personal space without him realising it and by the time he did, he realised the situation had gone beyond his control and it was already too late for him to back away. With his back now against the door and Xabi’s hands on either side of his face, Steven was trapped.

“Xabi, what…what are yer doin’?” he gulped. Xabi was so close he could see the different specks of brown in his beautiful hazel eyes. He’d been desperate for the afternoon not to end but now he wasn’t so sure his heart could take anymore of this exquisite torture.

“Xabi?” he questioned when the captain did nothing but simply stared. It seemed like an eternity before he finally spoke again.

“It’s okay sometimes Steven to say the truth,” Xabi said agonisingly close to Steven’s face, their noses almost touching each other’s. “I am correct, no?”

“Of course,” Steven said softly, his eyes transfixed on Xabi as the Spaniard leaned in closer with his every heartbeat.

“And with that I have to admit something to you, Steven.”

“What’s that, Xabi?”

Steven’s voice sounded like a mere whimper now. His heart was beating wildly and he couldn’t really believe what was happening at that moment. Was Xabi Alonso, captain of Liverpool football club about to kiss him? Because it sure looked like he was about to!

“I admit that I like seeing you here. Everytime I saw you, I felt like…I felt…”

“What did yer feel?” Steven asked, his lungs now devoid of air. “Xabi? What did yer feel?”

It was his turn now to be brave as he urged him breathlessly. “Tell me?”

But before he could ask him any further, he was immediately rendered speechless when Xabi closed the gap between them by pressing his lips on Steven’s cheek. The touch was burning hot, it made Steven’s skin feel like they were on fire and he gasped aloud when Xabi pulled back. He dropped his files he’d been holding in his hands and the pieces of paper scattered on the floor but that was the least of Steven’s worries. When Xabi’s moist lips moved to kiss his forehead, Steven’s eyes fell shut.

“What are yer doin’, Xabi?” he asked again. “This is…this is wrong, isn’t it? We can’t do this…”

“But I like it to be right,” he heard Xabi answer and before Steven could protest, Xabi’s tongue had brushed across his lips, tasting him for the first time and when he murmured ‘Kiss me, Steven’, the last remnants of Steven’s resolve disappeared in an instant. Capturing Xabi’s lips in one swift movement, Steven kissed him fervidly with passion and hunger that made the captain moan and sigh. Their tongues twisted against each other, their arms holding on to each other’s bodies, caressing and feeling what the other was offering and when there was no more air left in their lungs, they tore their lips away to take a breather.

“Fuckin’ hell,” Steven gasped as he tried to compose himself after the searing kiss had ended. When he opened his eyes, he saw that Xabi’s face was flushed and his eyes were full of want.

“Did we just kiss? Did I just kiss yer?”

“Si…we did. And yes you kissed me. But I kissed you as well.”

“Holly fuckin’ hell. I can’t fuckin’ believe this…”

“Steven, I hope the profanities coming out of your mouth mean that it is a good thing, si?” Xabi enquired, stopping Steven from muttering incoherent words. “Is it, Steven?”

“Of course it is, Xabi,” Steven answered, giddiness rapidly spreading all over his body. “I swear I’ve never ever kissed anyone like that before. Never.”

“And I must admit, Steven, I’ve been wanting to do that for some time now.”

“Yer what?”

“I’ve been wanting to kiss you.”

“Yer did,” Steven squeaked, unable to believe what he was hearing. “Yer wanted to kiss me?”

“Yes. Everytime I saw you here, I wanted to do that.”

Xabi’s fingers were caressing his face before moving to his lips once again. Then it slowly slid down to his collar, swiping gentle movements against his skin making Steven shiver.

“I don’t know what it is Steven, I’ve never felt like this with anyone before. Nothing at all like this and I guess, I guess Carra was right.”

“Carra?” Steven asked curiously. “Yer mean Jamie Carragher?”

“Si, yes,” Xabi laughed at Steven’s wide eyed look. “It is him. He said that maybe you are always here because you wanted to see me and that I was always asking about you because…because I was interested in you.”

“Yer’re always askin’ about me? Yer are interested in me?”

“Si,” Xabi nodded. “I always asked around about you. And when I found out that you wanted to do this interview, I couldn’t miss this chance. That’s what I’d wanted to say, Steven.”

“God, Xabi, I want yer so much.”

Before long, Xabi’s mouth was claimed in another hungry kiss. Steven’s arms wound up tighter around the captain’s body, pressing and kneading and the taste of Xabi’s skin against his lips was much more beautiful than he’d ever imagined. And after breaking away for the second time, Steven finally admitted to his captain his pent up feelings.

“Xabi, I know this is fast…but a couple of months of wantin’ yer…of wantin’ to kiss and be with yer, it’s driven me mad, Xabi…yer must know this. And I don’t know about yer but God, yer don’t know how much this means to me, Xabi. This is not some fun in the sack if yer will…I do really have feelin’s for yer, strong feelin’s…it’s like love…heck, maybe it is love and…”

“Steven, shhh, don’t say anything more, por favor? I understand because I feel the same. I feel exactly the same.”

“But this is wrong, isn’t it?” Steven murmured against his neck, suddenly terrified of the consequences of their actions. But when Xabi pulled his chin up so that their eyes were once again locked in an intense stare, Steven understood that everything with Xabi would be worth the fight.

s/x fic - Love Will Find A Way (Part 8/9)

2009-10-12T13:08:56Z

Title : Love Will Find A Way (Part 8/9)
Pairing : Steven Gerrard/Xabi Alonso
Rating : PG13
Summary : Steven is back in Liverpool but did Xabi follow him home?
Disclaimer : This is a story contrived from my imagination. Mistakes are all mine.
Warnings : Romance and slight angst.
Feedbacks : Yes please if you don't mind?
A/N : If you'd noticed the title, I've decided to add another chapter to this series so this won't be the last one. <33

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7

Love Will Find A Way

“Congratulations, Steven! Your pictures have been chosen for the International Student Art Exhibition which will be held here next month in Liverpool!”

The annual event was a prestigious one and Steven saw his lecturer’s face glow with pride at his achievement. He patted his back and shook his hand and Steven could only smile at the older man as he continued to rain praises on him. He’d dropped by the university when he was told that Mr. Green had wanted to meet him and now he knew the reason was because he’d wanted to tell him the happy news.

“I knew your entries would be selected because your work is really outstanding. I’m really proud of you.”

“Thanks, Mr. Green,” Steven replied politely. “I’m happy me self although I wasn’t really sure if my pictures would be able to get in at first because I’d submitted it late.”

“That’s because you’d just arrived home a week ago, right?” his lecturer asked and Steven nodded.

“Yes. I had a couple of days to sort out my work after I’d arrived so when I’d finally gotten round to submitting it, I thought they’d reject my entries but thank goodness they didn’t. But I did feel bad for some of the other students when theirs didn’t make it.”

“I think normally they would have disqualified you too but you’re lucky that the selection committee had seen your work before so I suppose that’s the reason why they’d let you in,” Mr. Green explained. “And frankly speaking, to get chosen isn’t just down to luck, so don’t feel like you didn’t deserve it. And the best thing is five of your photographs will be on display! Not one but five! And that really tells something about the quality of your work.”

“Thank you. Thank you so much, Mr. Green. I guess my work has paid off and I’m really glad,” Steven answered, thanking his lecturer profusely at his overwhelming approval.

“But you don’t need to thank me, Steven. You need to thank yourself for realising your own talent and not letting go of what you’d wanted to do. I always say to my students that we should always pursue our dreams until we achieve it and I’m glad you never gave up on it. You have it in you to be successful in whatever that you do once you graduate and I’m sure one day you’ll get what you want in your life.”

Hearing that, Steven’s heart lurched painfully in his chest. His lecturer’s words that would normally rejuvenate his spirits somehow seemed meaningless because he felt like he’d already lost what he had wanted the most in his life. Liverpool and the days after he’d arrived from Paris seemed like a long stretch of never ending nothingness to him. The dull numbness in his heart felt like he’d already lost something precious, like a loss of a dream, a dream he’d yearned all his life. He was certain he’d held it with both his hands but now it’s gone and Steven did not know whether he could ever get it back.

“Stevie? Are yer ready to go? We’re late for dinner.”

Steven’s head perked up immediately when he heard Jamie calling out his name and the knock on his door grew increasingly louder with each passing second that he chose to ignore his friend. But as he continued lying on his bed, with arms folded underneath his head, watching the closed bedroom door shake at Jamie’s excessive banging, Steven decided he wasn’t even going to bother answering him at all. He was hoping Jamie would soon get the idea that he didn’t want to be disturbed because he just wanted to be alone. But somehow Jamie wasn’t getting the message intended and the knocking persisted.

“Stevie, will yer open this bloody door?!” Jamie barked. “What’s the matter with yer? Yer’ve been in there all day and I’m gettin’ a bit worried here me self! Are yer still alive in there?”

“Oh fuck off, Jamie, will yer just leave me alone!” Steven finally cried when he couldn’t make his friend to leave and upon hearing his agitated voice, Jamie breathed out a sigh of relief.

“Well at least I know yer’re still breathin’ in there!” he shouted from the other side of the room “Now open this door or I’m gonna break it down, Stevie if yer don’t!”

“Ah fuck it!”

With a loud groan, Steven got off the bed and immediately jerked open the door, the sudden movement making Jamie stumble inside for he was actually leaning hard against it. And he was shocked when he saw Steven still dressed in his white t-shirt and trekkies.

“Fuck, yer have not changed! And we’re so fuckin’ late! Why aren’t yer dressed yet?!”

But Steven merely ignored Jamie’s louder than usual voice and moved towards the middle of the room before plopping himself down on his bed.

“I don’t feel like goin’, alright? So yer all go ahead without me,” he then mumbled at Jamie. His eyes were glued to the floor and his behaviour left Jamie a little bit dumbfounded.

“Stevie! What the hell’s the matter with yer? What are yer doin’?”

“I’m doin’ nothin’.”

Steven could be really stubborn if he wanted to and Jamie felt like walking over to his friend and smacking him hard on the head. And when he only remained quiet, Jamie knew he had to try a softer approach in order to make him talk. Quickly pulling a chair over so he could sit in front of his rather morose looking friend, Jamie then tried again, this time with a gentler tone to his voice.

“What’s wrong?” he asked again. “Why are yer like this and why don’t yer want to come with us?”

“I don’t feel like it, alright?” Steven answered, timidly looking up to meet Jamie’s eyes. “Just go ahead without me.”

“But yer can’t cancel on us, Stevie! And don’t yer want to meet Robbie? He’d driven all the way here to see yer since yer didn’t come the other day when we went for that road trip so yer have to come with us whether yer like it or not!” Jamie cried, forgetting to control his emotions, his temper flaring up once again.

“But I don’t feel like goin’, Jamie. Just go ahead without me.”

“What?? Like hell I will!” Jamie shouted. He hated that he had to resort to that but Steven’s stubbornness was driving him insane. “Stevie, please come. Let’s just go and yer’ll feel better from whatever it is that’s botherin’ yer,” he tried again. “Yer’ll come, alright?”

“Look, I don’t wanna go, alright?” Steven said pleadingly. It was his turn to get agitated because it seemed like Jamie didn’t want to understand his predicament. “Yer know me foul mood is just gonna spoil everythin’ so yer just go and tell the lads I’m sorry that I can’t make it. Just tell them I have the flu or a bad stomach or somethin’. And about Robbie, I can always catch up with him some other time. Just tell them that and they’ll understand.”

“Stevie, this isn’t the time to be stubborn,” Jamie argued.

“I’m not bein’ stubborn, I just don’t wanna go, alright?”

For a moment, Jamie was left scratching his head at his friend’s behaviour and after a while it finally dawned on him why Steven was behaving that way.

“Is this about that Xabi lad yer told me about? Is this is all because he’d refused to follow yer here? Is that why yer rather stay here in yer room instead of enjoyin’ some quality time with us?”

Steven flinched upon hearing Xabi’s name but he remained impassive, trying his best not lash out at Jamie. But Jamie however simply would not quit.

“Yer’ve been moppin’ around ever since yer came back from Paris. And yer’re tellin’ me it has got nothin’ to do with him? Is that what yer’re sayin’?”

“Shut up, Jamie.”

“Stevie lad, yer’re gonna have to forget him, alright? If he had wanted to come to Liverpool with yer, he’d be here right now but he isn’t, is he?” Jamie tried to reason. “Look, there could be loads of reasons why he didn’t want to come with yer and if whatever it was that had happened between yer two had meant somethin’ to him then he’d be here, but he’s not, Stevie. So just bloody forget him, will yer?”

Steven swallowed slowly and raised his eyes to meet Jamie’s, the hurt on his face unmistakable.

“I can’t forget him and I won’t forget him.”

The tinge of sadness in Steven’s voice surprised Jamie somewhat. He didn’t think Steven was really that serious about Xabi until he’d heard how unhappy he was. After he’d returned from Paris, Steven had told him everything about Xabi, about how he’d fallen in love and Jamie had scoffed at him at first, saying that he was crazy but now he wasn’t really sure if that was true anymore.

“Steven, this is about Xabi, am I correct?”

“Si,” Steven said, letting his tongue slip and he realised what he’d done when Jamie’s wry smile started to irritate him. “What?” he sort of barked at his friend. “What the hell is that snigger for?”

Ignoring Steven’s glare, Jamie pulled the chair nearer towards his friend and tried to make some sense out of the whole situation. Steven was his close friend and he hated to see him so miserable.

“Stevie, how long have I known yer?”

“I’m not gonna answer that,” Steven answered crossly. Turning his back to his friend, he grabbed a couple of pillows and hid his face underneath it and groaned. “Just leave me alone, will yer Jamie? Just go.”

His voice was muffled but Jamie was still able to hear everything. Suddenly, he immediately felt sorry for Steven.

“Stevie, let’s talk, alright?” he gently coaxed. “Talk to me.”

“I don’t wanna talk about anythin’.”

“Let’s talk about this Xabi,” Jamie tried again.

“Go away, Jamie.”

“Come on, Stevie. Yer can’t be like this forever. Yer need to get past this.”

Steven continued to ignore Jamie but he wasn’t cowering behind the pillows any longer. Throwing them aside, Steven then leaned his head down against his hands. He wasn’t sure this was a good time to be spilling his guts out to Jamie but keeping everything bottled up inside was definitely killing him.

“Stevie?”

A hand now was on his shoulder and Steven looked up at Jamie, his defenses broken.

“Stevie, yer know I hate to see yer like this ‘cause this isn’t like yer at all! And it’s been almost a week and I can’t fuckin’ stand it! I can’t stand yer like this.”

“If yer can’t stand it then just leave me alone!” Steven cried sadly but Jamie was not about to give up.

“Have yer called him since yer get home?”

With a defeated sigh, Steven slowly shook his head. “No, I haven’t.”

“And why haven’t yer called him? He’s still yer friend, right? What’s wrong in callin’ a friend?”

“Nothin’s wrong,” Steven groaned helplessly. He knew he had no choice now but to talk about Xabi to Jamie. “It’s not wrong but it’s just…I just…”

“Yer just what?”

“I just…I miss him, Jamie. I miss him so much,” Steven stammered. “And I don’t wanna call him only to hear his cheery voice greetin’ me, tellin’ me that he’s perfectly fine without me. Tellin’ me he’s doin’ well without me while here I am all alone feelin’ like shite.”

Jamie’s own heart was breaking at the sight of Steven and at once he reached out to hug his friend, holding him firmly in his arms.

“It’ll be alright, Stevie. It’ll be alright,” he soothed. “Yer’ll be fine. Yer just need some time.”

“But how, Jamie? How can it be alright?”

Steven had started sobbing against Jamie’s shoulder.

“I keep thinkin’ about him! Everywhere I go I see his face. I can’t close my eyes without seein’ his face! I even see him in my dreams! And when I wake up, the first thing I can think about is Xabi and fuck it’s drivin’ me crazy! And fuck, why am I even like this?? I was fine before I met him and now I don’t know…I just don’t know anymore…I thought I’ll be okay without him but I’m not.”

For a moment Jamie did not quite know how to answer Steven. Ever since they’d become friends, he’d never seen him so distraught before. When he almost had to quit his studies due to his family’s financial problems, Steven had been upset because art and photography had been his passion but it all paled now in comparison to this. Xabi must have meant the world to Steven. But life had to go on and he had to help Steven back up on his feet once again.

“Hey, Stevie, look,” he began again. “I don’t know how it will be okay about yer and Xabi but I guess yer will need some time to get over this. All yer need is time. They say time heals all wounds.”

“Not with Xabi, it won’t,” Steven murmured. His tears had wetted Jamie’s shirt. “I can’t forget Xabi.”

“Don’t say that. Yer make it sound like it’s definite. Besides, yer were with him for how long, two weeks? That’s not a very long time, Stevie for yer to go and fall head over heels with someone and throw away yer life like this! I’m sure once the new semester starts and once we’re busy with our new assignments and projects, yer’ll forget him. And this thing about Xabi will all be over.”

“Yer don’t understand, Jamie. It won’t,” Steven replied. He had looked up now and Jamie saw his blue eyes were glazed with tears.

“How can yer be so sure?” he then asked softly.

“I don’t know and I can’t explain it. But I know what I feel for Xabi.”

“Yer don’t love him. Do yer?” Jamie asked.

Steven bit his lip. Hearing that question brought him back to the night when they’d made love and he remembered clearly how he’d professed his feelings to Xabi, how he’d whispered in his ear those three immortal words, how he’d felt that pure feeling of love that would forever be carved in his heart with Xabi’s name on it.

“Stevie? Are yer listenin’ to me?”

“Yeah.”

“Do yer love him?” Jamie asked again.

But Steven needn’t answer his question for in his sad imploring eyes, Jamie had found the answer he was looking for.

“Yer’re in love with him.”

“I love him more than yer can imagine.”

Steven ran his fingers through his hair and then rubbed his temples, trying to soothe his throbbing headache. They both kept quiet for a while, trying to gather their thoughts after Steven’s revelation but everything wasn’t really surprising to Jamie anymore, not after what he’d heard and seen.

“Did yer tell him this? Did yer tell this to Xabi, how yer felt for him?”

“I did and before yer say anythin’, no, Xabi didn’t say anythin’ when I’d confessed me feelings to him.”

And that’s because he’d been asleep when I’d told him that. I was too afraid to tell him again the next mornin’…

“And did he say anythin’ to yer before yer left?”

“No…not really. We said the usual goodbyes but…but that was that.”

“Well that sums it then, Stevie,” Jamie sighed. He had stood up from the chair he’d been sitting on. “I think the answer to all this is pretty clear to me. And yer know the answer to it too.”

“I don’t know, Jamie,” Steven tried to argue but Jamie had made his way in front of the mirror and was straightening his shirt.

“Stevie, I’ve got to go now. But when I come home, we’ll talk more about this, alright? It’s fine if yer don’t want to follow us. I’ll tell the lads somethin’ had come up and yer couldn’t make it. But we will talk about this when I come home.”

Steven felt like there wasn’t any point in arguing any further with Jamie so in the end he only nodded, agreeing to his friend’s wishes.

“Thanks, Jamie,” he said quietly. He got up from his bed and walked Jamie to the door but when they reached there, Jamie turned around to face him, his face serious but the concern evident.

“It’ll be alright, Stevie. I promise yer that. And tomorrow when we go to the game, we’re gonna have a great time and the Liverpool lads will win it for yer and yer’re gonna feel a lot better than now, okay?”

Steven nodded but he needed to tell Jamie one little detail he’d forgotten to mention earlier.

“Jamie listen, I’d asked Xabi to come to the game tomorrow. I’ve got an extra ticket for him, just in case he shows up.”

Listening to that Jamie had wanted to shout at his friend, he’d wanted to say ‘there isn’t any point anymore, Stevie’ but he calmed himself and merely let out a soft smile instead.

“Did he say he’ll turn up?”

Steven shook his head and looked down at his feet.

“He didn’t exactly say it. I don’t know whether he’ll come. I’m just takin’ me chance, Jamie.”

“And if he doesn’t? Yer’re gonna be disappointed again and yer’ll sulk durin’ the game, won’t yer?”

“No I won’t sulk,” Steven said his voice suddenly defiant. He raised his eyes to meet Jamie’s once again. “And as for the extra ticket I’ll just give it away, it’s no big deal. And I’ll know then that if he doesn’t show up, he doesn’t really want to be here so…so…I’ll get the answer I’ve been lookin’ for. I’ll know then that I have to move on.”

Steven didn’t know whether he had actually believed his own brave words but Jamie prayed that he did.

“I sure do hope so, Stevie. I sure do hope so.”

The next day, Jamie ensured they were ready early so they could set out for the game in time to get good seats. He had promised Robbie and Pete they would meet up at Anfield and did not want to make them wait for too long.

“Stevie, we have to leave now,” he shouted to Steven from the living room. “The lads wanna go to the club’s store first to get some new scarves before the game and Robbie’s girl wants a few to take home for her gal pals.”

“But we have a few hours left. We don’t have to leave now.”

Steven came out from his room, looking half excited about the match and Jamie did a double take at his friend before giving him a stern frown.

“Wait a minute, Stevie. Are yer still waitin’ for Xabi to call yer or somethin’? We’d talked about this last night, didn’t we? And just in case yer’ve forgotten, let me remind yer again, Stevie. He’s not gonna come.”

“I guess not,” Steven sighed dejectedly as he looked at the extra ticket he was holding in his hand. It suddenly felt like an extra burden, heavy in his hand and he fought the urge to tear it into two. “You’re right. He’s not gonna come.”

“Stevie, I’m sorry,” Jamie said feeling sorry for Steven. “I do wish it could have been different for yer.”

“Nah, it’s alright, Jamie,” Steven dismissed the sorry tone to Jamie’s voice. He didn’t want anyone to be sorry for him, especially not Jamie. He didn’t want to drag his friend into his world of unhappiness. If he had to be unhappy, he’d rather do it alone.

“Hey, why don’t yer go ahead first? I need some time alone to sort out some stuff.”

“Stevie, yer’re not gonna ditch us, lad. We’re all goin’ in one car and that’s that,” Jamie warned but the little painful smile on Steven’s lips told Jamie he’d better agree to his wishes. He knew his friend was hurting inside and he didn’t want to make it any worse.

“Alright, I’ll go. But don’t yer dare ditch us, Stevie.”

“I won’t ditch yer lads. And I can’t ditch me team now, can I? I can’t miss a game at Anfield and yer know that very well.”

“I’m glad to know that then. But do call me once yer get to Anfield, okay? We’ll save yer a seat.”

Steven had wanted to say ‘save me two seats’ but changed his mind quickly. He didn’t want to hope anymore. He was done hoping.

“Alright, Jamie. I’ll see yer lads then.”

The minutes after that passed by in a daze and Steven was not sure how he’d come to that sad situation. Looking back at the moment when he’d first met Xabi, Steven never would have imagined then that he would fall head over heels for the Spaniard. He remembered how he’d managed to annoy Xabi to no end during his first day in Paris, how his eyes had grown wide when he’d seen his places to visit list and how his heart had warmed when he’d seen Xabi smile, agreeing to his every wish. Remembering all that again like a flash before his eyes, Steven realised his feelings for Xabi probably had developed from that very first day, from that very first meeting and now weeks later, it had evolved into something so intense, he was having a hard time digesting that the Spaniard was not going to be a part of his life anymore. It looked to be the case because Xabi had not turned up like he had hoped, hadn’t even called to say that he wasn’t coming so in the end, with a heavy sigh, Steven decided whatever precious moments he’d spent with Xabi would only remained in his heart, embedded as the best memories he’d ever had.

Eventually, after summoning all of his courage to get off that couch and make a move to Anfield, after all he had promised Jamie and his friends that he’d be there, Steven trudged down the apartment steps he shared with Jamie. His feet felt like dead weight, heavy and unwilling as he made his way towards his car, because his thoughts were still filled with Xabi. He was everywhere that he went, in his wake and in his dreams and it was driving him insane. Perhaps if he’d gotten closure, if he knew something more definite from the Spaniard, he wouldn’t feel the way he was feeling. At least then he would know where he stood with Xabi.

Leaning against his car that was parked just in front of his apartment, Steven stared at his cell phone in his hand for a moment before deciding he would make that first move. He would call Xabi. He needed that closure.

“God, Stevie, yer’re gonna feel like shite after this,” he scolded himself as he dialed Xabi’s number but deep in his heart, he knew it was the right thing to do. His hands were shaking and his head started to pound waiting for Xabi to answer his call. He almost gave up and was about to press the end button when he suddenly heard a beeping tone and the familiar voice he had missed so much drifted in his ear.

“Hola, Steven.”

“Xabi,” he gasped, his own voice hoarse to his own ears. For a moment he didn’t know what to say, words getting in the way of his thought process.

Tell him how yer feel! Tell him how yer’ve missed him and how these past few days had been shite to yer!

“Steven, I’m so sorry I didn’t call you sooner,” Xabi suddenly said breaking the silence and Steven suddenly panicked because he felt like he ought to be the one speaking first.

“Xabi, yer don’t have to say sorry for anythin’,” he cut Xabi off. “Look, I know I should have called yer too during these past few days but…but I didn’t because I wasn’t sure when the right time was, Xabi. And there’re so many things I want to say to yer, I don’t even know where to begin.”

“Steven, I want to say a lot of things too. But I…”

“No, Xabi. Let me finish,” he interrupted him again. “I know I had asked yer to come home with me to Liverpool and really, when I think about it again, I realised I had no right at all to demand such things from yer. We’re not in a relationship and hell I don’t even know what to call us, this so call thing between us. I don’t even know how to define it. But it hasn’t stopped me from hopin’ every day that yer might just turn up today but I guess that’s all just wishful thinkin’ from my part, eh?”

“But Steven, please, let me say…I…”

“No Xabi, don’t say anythin’…I understand it really. I understand why yer can’t come but I just need to know one thing.”

“What is that, Steven?” Xabi asked with a low sigh.

Steven silently told himself that it was his last chance to back down from his intention but words had already left his lips and there was no way for him to take them back.

“Don’t yer have any feelin’s at all…for me?” he asked softly, his heart in his mouth, but when Xabi remained quiet, Steven continued on. “Xabi, I know everythin’ we went through had to mean somethin’ to yer…I can feel it. But I need to hear yer say it. I want to hear yer say it. Whatever yer tell me, it’s either gonna make me feel better or make me feel a lot worse but I don’t care anymore. I just need to know. I need to hear yer say it.”

“Steven,” Xabi began softly. He knew he had to tell him sooner or later. “Look up.”

“What?”

“I say look up. Look across the road.”

Steven didn’t understand at first what Xabi was talking about but he did as he was told and then immediately drew out a shuddery breath. He blinked his eyes a couple of times to ensure he wasn’t dreaming and the sweet ache in his chest returned when he saw the person standing by the edge of the road from across him. That face he knew so well, the face which had haunted his days and nights was standing there right before him.

“Xabi,” he gasped, not quite believing what he was seeing. His eyes remained transfixed on Xabi as he saw him crossing the road making his way towards him, holding one rather medium sized luggage in one hand and a backpack slung across one shoulder. And when he was finally in front of him, Steven could no longer deny the feelings in his heart.

“I can’t believe yer came,” he whispered and his heart thumped an extra beat at the sight of his smile that he’d missed so much. And then a sudden thought entered his mind, bringing him out of his stupor. “But how did yer know where to find me? I mean how…”

“Steven, I have your profile with me. I have your address, remember?” Xabi replied slowly. “Is not hard to look, no?”

“But what if I’d moved? What if my address had changed? Yer won’t be able to find me then.”

“Well then that’s a chance I have to take.”

There were maddening questions swirling in Steven’s head but all that could wait to later because all that mattered then was Xabi. And he wasn’t aware that he’d been shuffling his feet back and forth, his nerves showing desperately and only when Xabi had touched his shoulder did he stop. His trembling however did not subside.

“Steven I should have called you first before I came but…”

“But what, Xabi?” Steven asked. His eyes were still glued on Xabi and when he inched closer, his breathing quickened. “Xabi?”

“Steven, I’ve missed you,” Xabi finally admitted. “I thought after you left, I would be able to forget everything, I would be able to forget you. But I couldn’t, Steven. I couldn’t. Just a few weeks with you have changed me completely and I know it doesn't make sense but it's true.”

The Spaniard was agonisingly close now and that made Steven wanted to faint. Xabi however was oblivious to his predicament and continued pouring out his feelings.

“Steven I thought I could forget you but…but the more I tried, the more I thought about you,” Xabi murmured. “I miss you, Steven. I miss your kisses, your touch, your smell, your eyes. I miss everything about you. So in the end, I had to come. I had to. There was just no other way.”

He was quivering by the time he’d finished his little confession and Steven had to pinch himself to ensure this wasn’t just some dream.

“So what are yer sayin’?” Steven urged breathlessly after he’d regained his composure. “What is it that yer’re tryin’ to tell me?”

With both his luggage and bag now on the floor, Xabi grasped both of Steven’s hands with his and held on to it tightly. He kissed his palm, and then not really caring if anyone was watching them, he leaned in and pressed his lips against his cheek. The touch was heated and it almost burned Steven’s skin, making the pit of his stomach churn.

“Xabi,” he gasped.

Pulling back slightly, Xabi then murmured against Steven’s opened mouth. “I love you too, I’ve loved you ever since I could remember and I’m not afraid to admit it anymore.”

“Oh God,” Steven cried and immediately pulled Xabi into a fierce hug. “I missed yer so much I fear I was gonna break into half. I was…”

But his words were halted when he felt Xabi’s tongue probing his lips, moist and heated, tasting him for the first time since they’d parted almost a week ago. With his eyes still closed, Steven then leaned their foreheads together and whispered against his lips.

“I would love nothin’ better then to just stay here with yer, Xabi but Anfield is waitin’ for us.”

“And let’s not make it wait any longer, si?” Xabi replied, “I’m just happy to be with you again. I don’t care where you take me, Steven.”

“God, Xabi, there’re so many things I want to show yer here and yer’ve to meet me friends, Jamie especially. They’ll love yer, Xabi! And they’ll see why I love yer so much.”

With that, Xabi gratefully took what Steven had to offer and said, “Gracias, Steven…I certainly do hope so and I can’t wait to meet them too.”

s/x fic - Love and Lust

2009-10-07T15:05:58Z

Title : Love and Lust
Pairing : Steven Gerrard/Xabi Alonso
Rating : NC-17
Summary : This is just a really short smutty fic of the boys without any plot whatsoever.
Disclaimer : This is a story contrived from my imagination. Mistakes are all mine.
Warnings : Err...smut!
Feedbacks : Yes please if you don't mind?
A/N : Dedicated to lil_amel. Her fics are always so sexy and hot and while discussing her lovely S/X fics on msn, this gets written. :P I know am supposed to post the last chapter of the AU fic but ...that can wait.

Love and Lust

Steven arched his body and spread his thighs further to give Xabi better access and his hips began to thrust back onto Xabi's teasing fingers around his opening, trying to feel more of those fingers that was driving him mad with want. His little raspy whimpers and moans caressed the air as he needed and wanted to feel more but none came; no touches, no licks, no kisses, nothing at all. And soon, he had to beg for mercy as his neglected length throbbed angrily at Xabi’s blatant ignorance.

"...please, ohh please... Xabi... need you, baby... ahh..."

Finally, after he was sure Steven had suffered enough, Xabi stopped teasing the fluttering opening to Steven's body and carefully slid one finger past the slight ring of resistance. Instantly it was engulfed in tight wet silky heat and Steven's cock jerked at the sensation of his sensitive spot being rubbed over and over and over again.

Seeing Steven's pleasured face, Xabi soon began to thrust his finger in and out with vigor, with hunger, with lust and with love, repeating the motion until he could feel Steven pushing back against him, trying to draw that finger deeper inside his body. Loosing his ability to remain ultra controlled because Steven's sexy moans was making him damn hard, Xabi draw his finger out only to replace it with two. Working carefully, he scissored his fingers, stretching Steven until he heard a low, guttural moan escaping his lips.

"Ahh Xabi... please, fuck me…”

And that soft breathy plea was more than Xabi could stand.

s/x fic - Love Will Find A Way (Part 7/8)

2009-10-01T06:21:32Z

Title : Love Will Find A Way (Part 7/8)
Pairing : Steven Gerrard/Xabi Alonso
Rating : R
Summary : It is Steven's last night in Paris and Xabi realises he will miss him more than he could imagine.
Disclaimer : This is a story contrived from my imagination. Mistakes are all mine.
Warnings : Lots of kissing and touching and romance with angst.
Feedbacks : Yes please if you don't mind?
A/N : Thanks to suerta_lina for the French words and to julialonso for the Spanish! It's the second last chapter and I will certainly miss writing them like this. &hearts

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6

Love Will Find A Way

“Steven? Steven, are you awake? I read this article in the internet last night and this sentence I saw made me think of us.”

Xabi shaking his shoulders and his soft voice in his ear broke Steven’s sleepy spell, especially when he’d heard him say the word ‘us’. It made him feel extra special and immediately he let out a contented, lazy sigh.

“Hmmm…what did yer read, Xabi?” he asked after he’d stretched languorously and opened his eyes. He saw the Spaniard’s face hover above his and felt his fingers creep slowly up and down his sides. Steven shivered a little at the sensation but let himself enjoy the attention he was getting.

“What’s so important that yer just had to wake me from my sleep?” Steven asked again, smiling this time.

“There is this pianist slash comedian,” Xabi began, “His name is Victor Borge, and he cleverly described a smile as “the shortest distance between two people” and I think he is right, no?”

“Pianist slash comedian, eh?” Steven chuckled in response as he propped himself up with one elbow. “And we are supposed to take him seriously?”

“Si, those are lovely words I think,” Xabi answered, his voice serious. “I like his thinking and you know, I like to think that your smile can reach me anywhere, even when you are in Liverpool and I’m here in Paris.”

He might have seemed to take Xabi’s words lightly but truthfully, Steven understood fully well what Xabi was trying to imply. He was trying to tell him that the distance between them when he returns to Liverpool in a couple of days time wouldn’t really matter because he would always hold the special moments he’d had with him in his heart. Xabi had repeated that on numerous occasions ever since they’d returned from Perpignan and Steven was resigned to accept Xabi’s decision that he wouldn’t follow him home to Liverpool. In spite of that, he was still determined to make the best of his last few days in Paris with Xabi.

“I think he’s right, Xabi,” Steven murmured after he’d pushed himself up off the bed. Kissing the Spaniard lightly on his lips, he then said, “Of course he’s right. Distance is really nothing between us, eh? It’s a mere word. And the most important thing is I’ll never forget yer, not even for a heartbeat while I’m still breathing.”

“Ahh, Steven, I never knew you were that romantic at heart,” Xabi teased as he pulled the Englishman up to his feet, hearing him protest at his actions. Although Steven had complained and grumbled, his arms had wound up tightly around Xabi’s waist and soon, he was leaning in against Xabi’s body, resting his full body weight on him and that caused Xabi to stagger backwards but thank goodness for the wall behind them or else they’d have tumbled down together in a heap.

“I didn’t know I was that romantic either, Xabi,” Steven grinned as soon as Xabi had regained his footing. “It all changed after I kissed yer that night. I’ve become this romantic sap and I blame yer for it. I really, really do.”

After he’d kissed Xabi playfully for a few more moments, leaving the Spaniard a little bit breathless, Steven half heartedly entangled himself from Xabi’s hold and made his way lazily towards the bathroom but the bed sheets were somehow still tangled with his feet and that made him stumble a couple of times. He cursed at his clumsiness and blushed when he saw that Xabi was watching him. To cover his embarrassment, he poked a tongue at the Spaniard before letting out a few expletives and disappearead quickly into the bathroom and Xabi could only laugh at the sight whilst shaking his head at the man who had firmly tugged at his heartstrings.

“He wants you to follow him to Liverpool? God bless, Xabi! But please tell me you’re saying yes to this because normally you’d chicken out and say no. But I’m sure you’ve said no, right? Tell me you didn’t do that? Although I have a strong feeling you’ve already said no to him. Ahh damnit, Xabi…why did you say no?”

Thierry’s voice was almost shrieking and Xabi had to pull the phone away from his ear. He’d decided to call him while Steven was still in the bathroom and now he was already regretting his decision. He didn’t call Thierry to hear him nag like an overbearing parent, he’d just needed some simple advice! But Thierry was his close friend and he was the only one he could really trust so in the end Xabi figured he’d just have to bear with him for a little bit longer while he let him know the whole situation.

“Thierry, will you just shut up and listen to what I have to say first? You’re simply nagging and not giving me a chance to talk at all,” Xabi pleaded somewhat but Thierry’s growing impatience was apparent at the other end.

“Alright, alright! Talk! But will you just hurry up and get straight to the point!”

“Okay, first of all, you did hear me correctly the first time round. Steven wants me to follow him to Liverpool but before I say anything else, you are speaking rather too loudly! Can you lower it down a little, por favor? I don’t want anyone else hearing you over there,” Xabi said and even though his own irritation was building up, he tried his best not to sound too rude but despite his best efforts, he could still hear his friend scoff at his request.

“Why are you scoffing?” he then asked with an annoyed tone. “Are you not listening to what I’m saying?”

“Oh yes, of course I am listening, Xabi,” Thierry replied and if Xabi was there at his side, he’d see him rolling his eyes in frustration. “I listen as always to you but again I can predict you saying no to something special. And please don’t tell me you don’t understand what I’m trying to say because I know you too well, Xabi.”

“What? I don’t understand what the hell you’re saying,” Xabi continued arguing. He wasn’t happy that Thierry had chosen this moment of all times to play one of his mind games. “Thierry? What are you trying to tell me?”

“I’m saying you’re always saying no when something good happens to you! It’s like you’re scared of getting into a relationship with anyone and in fact, this is not the first time I see you push someone away, Xabi.”

“What?” Xabi exclaimed, not quite believing what he was hearing.

“You heard me, Xabi. Don’t pretend you don’t understand what I’m saying here.”

“Fuck, I don’t understand what you are talking about!” Xabi cried out in dissatisfaction but if he was being honest, he’d readily admit he’d already known where Thierry was going with his argument. But simply wanting to be stubborn, Xabi still pretended he was clueless.

“Thierry? What the fuck are you saying? What fucking relationship are you talking about? I’m not in any relationship!”

“Of course you’re not in any relationship right now! You keep pushing everyone that even dares come close to you away! But with Steven it is different, right? It’s because you do actually feel something for him too! You like him just as much as he does and that scares you and now that he’s leaving, you will have to admit it soon to yourself how much you’ll miss him when he’s gone! And he asking you to come with him to Liverpool is making you all confused because the truth is, you really do want to follow him there. But that little bit of insecurity in you is making you push him away just like all the others before him, am I right?”

After Thierry had let out all that he’d wanted to say, Xabi was left speechless for a moment but only just because soon, he was already groaning in despair.

“Ahh, fuck it, Thierry, I really do hate you for this. I hate you!”

That response from him however managed to make Thierry smile.

“Ahh, I know I’m right and I’m happy that I’m right about this. And really, Xabi…you don’t hate me, in fact, you’re gonna love me when you finally get some sense into that stubborn head of yours!”

It was too early in the morning to be arguing with Xabi but Thierry had had enough of his friend’s poor decision making. He’d known Xabi well enough to know his thoughts, fears and worries and when he’d seen and heard the way Xabi had talked about Steven, Thierry had sensed somehow that his friend was already enamoured with the Englishman even before he’d met him. But Xabi had only laughed at his idea when he’d told him about it, saying how ridiculous he’d sounded because there was no way he would actually like someone he’d never even met.

“And more importantly, he’s a man, Thierry. I don’t swing that way.”

He’d clearly remembered Xabi’s argument but his embarrassed face had told Thierry he’d hit a right nail to his coffin.

“Hey, I’m a man too, Spanish boy, but I wasn’t afraid to admit that I had fancied you when I’d first seen you,” he’d teased the Spaniard with a wink. A book flung his way was what Thierry had gotten for his troubles and he’d decided then to drop the subject altogether. But when Xabi couldn’t stop talking about Steven after he’d met him, calling him everyday to tell him what they’d done together whenever they’d gone out, Thierry was determined to make Xabi see that his suspicions had been right all along and that of course included his well thought plan of getting them to go to Perpignan.

“Xabi?” he called his friend’s name after a brief pause. “Are you still there? Please don’t get upset but I’m only saying what I really think.”

“Si, of course I’m still here and no, I am not mad at you.”

The dejection in Xabi’s voice told Thierry that he’d needed to be a little subtle in order to prevent his friend from making another mistake, especially with Steven, where Xabi’s feelings for him was obviously clear.

“Xabi, I know you,” Thierry reasoned after Xabi had chosen to remain silent. “I know you very well. I know that you’re scared to admit what you’re feeling for him.”

“I’m not scared!” Xabi suddenly wailed loudly but at the same time careful not to let Steven overhear his conversation. “It’s just…it’s just not possible for me to follow him there. It’s impossible.”

“Of course, nothing is ever possible with you.”

“And what is that suppose to mean?” Xabi asked crossly.

“It’s you, Xabi! You are never willing to take chances even when it is so clear that you are crazy about him. Even a blind man can see that! It’s so fucking obvious! And I could see it even before Steven set foot in this city!” Thierry exclaimed.

“Oh and suddenly you are so good at this? So good at reading my mind?”

“I’m always good at it and you know that damn well! Don’t you deny it! You’re crazy about him, you’re crazy about this Steven. Hell, you might just even love him!”

“I do not! I do not love him!” Xabi cried emphatically in denial but deep in his heart he knew he hadn’t meant a word he’d said.

And by the time Xabi had spent his next two days with Steven, his feelings for him had intensified so much he’d begun to wonder how it’d be like when they soon had to part. And that day was tomorrow and a sudden feeling of dread began to overcome him.

“This view is breathtaking, Xabi! I can practically see the whole of Paris from up here!”

As he’d promised Steven, Xabi had taken him to Eifel, a day before he was supposed to return to Liverpool. They’d arrived earlier that evening, queuing up inside a long line of visitors at the famous tower and after they’d waited for almost an hour, they’d finally gotten into the lift that had taken them to the highest level where the view of the city was at its most spectacular. Steven had suggested the steps at first but when he’d seen Xabi’s horror filled look, he too had laughed off his idea.

“I still need me legs for walkin’ after this so yer knew I was only pullin’ yer leg!” he’d joked and Xabi had let out a sigh of relief.

“Si! I can’t be bothered to climb all those steps, Steven!”

“Ahh, Xabi, yer need some adventure in yer life sometime!” Steven had quipped and Xabi had only smiled in return, thinking quietly to himself, “I’ve gotten all the adventure that I needed when I met you, Steven.”

There were not many people at the top level from where they were standing, facing north of the city, and as they’d stayed up there a little longer than they should, the number of visitors quickly dwindled down to only a handful of people. Quietly, they made their way to a corner where they could be alone and when Steven leaned against the tower railing, looking down at the city below them, he let out a breathless cry.

“It’s amazing, Xabi. Simply amazing.”

“Si, it is beautiful. I especially love coming here at night because of the city lights.”

“Yes, I do agree with yer that the city looks spectacular at night,” Steven replied as he looked at Xabi who was now stood beside him. “But the sunset view is much more breathtakin’ me thinks.’

“Yes it does,” Xabi agreed. He understood what Steven was saying as right then in front of them, he could see the orangey colours of the summer sky as the sun began to set, bringing a magnificent glow to the city below them.

“I wish I don’t have to leave this place,” Steven muttered sadly.

The sun had set and the sky had turned dark. They were somehow the only ones left on that platform. Suddenly, Steven felt a pair of arms around his waist, hugging him tightly from behind. “Then don’t leave.” The words were whispered softly in his ear and then repeated again with more conviction. “Don’t leave. Just stay here with me.”

“Xabi, yer know I can’t stay here,” Steven began, trying his best to ignore the pain in his heart at Xabi’s request.

He knew he couldn’t stay even if he’d wanted to. He still needed to complete his final year studies, as was the same case with Xabi, and to Steven, the only way for whatever it was that was happening between them to work was for the Spaniard to follow him to Liverpool. He definitely couldn’t afford to stay in Paris and his parents wouldn’t be too thrilled at the idea of him giving up everything he’d worked for just because he’d started to develop feelings for another person, for another man, and everything else was just too complicated for Steven to understand. Heck, he’s not even sure what Xabi was really feeling towards him either!

“Xabi, yer know yer don’t really mean it when yer say yer want me to stay…but I do appreciate the invitation,” Steven then joked, hoping it would somehow enlighten the sudden somber mood but he could only draw in a shuddery breath as he felt Xabi pressing his body further against his back, his cheek now brushing against his. One hand that wasn’t holding him close had found its way towards his that was gripping the cool railing in front of them and a few seconds later, his fingers were already entwined with Xabi’s.

“Steven,” Xabi sighed as he pressed his lips lightly on Steven’s neck, the contact of those warm lips against his cool skin making Steven shiver. He leaned back against Xabi’s hold and slightly turned his face so that he could look into the Spaniard’s eyes.

“Xabi?” he asked, his eyes questioning, willing Xabi to tell him what it was that he was feeling inside and soon Steven knew that their feelings were mutual.

“I’ll miss you, Steven.”

“I will miss yer too,” he murmured against Xabi’s temple, “…so much.”

The past few days had been a continuing progression of getting to know the other better, of studying something indefinable between them and although they hadn’t found the answers they were looking for, both knew it was time for them to let go.

“Maybe this whole thing, about you meeting me here and whatever this is between us…maybe it was meant to be good while it lasted, you know what I mean? It’s special, Steven…I can’t explain it but I certainly can feel it.”

Steven didn’t know whether he should laugh or cry listening to Xabi’s explanation but funnily, it had made sense somewhat. Sometimes the best things in life needn’t any explanations; they simply happen without sheer force or will. And Steven believed it wholeheartedly as he felt Xabi suddenly tremble, his arms that were holding him shaking slightly.

“Xabi?”

He’d turned around in Xabi’s arms and was now looking straight into his eyes.

“Yes?” Xabi whispered softly.

“Can yer promise me something?” Steven asked. His hand was slowly caressing Xabi’s face and he fought the urge to simply crush their lips together so that all the hurt he was feeling could disappear.

“What is it, Steven?”

“Don’t ever forget me, will yer? I don’t know when we’ll see each other again after I return so please…if yer can…”

“I won’t. Of course I won’t, Steven,” Xabi interrupted swiftly before Steven could finish his sentence. “I won’t because I could never, ever do that. I will never forget you.”

Knowing that it was his last night in Paris, Xabi was determined he’d make it something really special for Steven. After their visit of Eifel, they’d made their way to a plush restaurant located along Champs-Élysées where Xabi had specially reserved a special dinner for them both.

“J'aimerais commander quelque chose de spécial pour mon ami,” Xabi had said to the waiter when they’d arrived and even though Steven hadn’t understood a word, he’d known Xabi had requested something really special by the looks of the setting that they were in. Their table he’d noticed was a little bit secluded from the other patrons in the restaurant but despite that, he still had a good view of the Arc de Triomphe, another one of Paris’ more famous monuments.

“It looks simply brilliant at night,” Steven quipped as he drank his wine, his eyes darting between Xabi and the magnificent architecture. “The lighting makes it even more stunning at night.”

“It definitely is,” Xabi replied but his eyes weren’t following Steven’s line of vision.

Instead, it was fixed only on the Englishman sitting beside him and being a light drinker, the little alcohol he’d consumed over dinner was making his mind a little light headed. He leaned in a little closer to Steven and let his eyes linger as it drifted down towards his chin and mouth and he’d remembered how his lips had parted in rapture the first time he’d touched him intimately and suddenly, Xabi couldn’t really think straight.

“Xabi? Are yer alright?”

“Si, I am fine,” Xabi answered but his face, slightly flushed after his mind had drifted off, had given him away.

“Are yer sure?” Steven repeated. He moved in to cover Xabi’s palm which was placed on the table with his and gently squeezed their hands together. “Xabi? Yer sure yer’re okay?”

“Si, Steven, I’m okay,” Xabi replied with a smile. Not wanting Steven to question him further, he quickly changed the topic of their conversation.

“Hey, you’ve gotten all the pictures you needed, right?”

It was a good topic for distraction because Xabi saw Steven quickly reaching out for his camera after that.

“Yes, I’ve got them all, Xabi,” he replied with a grateful smile.

“I just want to make sure you’ve enough shots for you to bring home.”

“Yes, I have. And seriously I can’t wait to print them all! My portfolio would look mighty impressive after this!”

“I’m sure it would, Steven,” Xabi smiled at the excited Steven. “And I’m sure when your professor sees your pictures, he’d know that he’d made a good decision in sending you here to Paris.”

And bringing you to me.

“Aww, thanks, Xabi. Yer’re makin’ me blush here,” Steven answered modestly, immediately looking down at his hands as he’d felt rather embarrassed at Xabi’s praise. “Yer work ain’t too bad either, yer know!”

“Gracias, Steven but I still think yours is the best I’ve ever seen.”

For a moment after that, Steven could only stare at Xabi, not sure of what he should really say or do. He then slowly took in the Spaniard’s slightly droopy eyes, beautiful and so full of passion when he’d kissed him the first time that night and then…

“Thanks for tonight, Xabi,” he managed, leaning closer against Xabi and for a moment, Xabi held in his breath for he’d thought Steven was going to kiss him in public. But he didn’t and a wave of disappointment washed over him. However, he pushed it aside quickly because he didn’t want anything to spoil their moment together.

“You’re welcome but you didn’t need to mention it at all. It’s been my pleasure, Steven.”

After dessert, after they’d sat there talking about everything their minds could think of, from family and friends, to their dreams and aspirations, it was at last time for them to leave the place.

“Steven, are you ready?” Xabi asked as he grabbed their coats together.

Steven decided then that he would definitely miss Xabi’s voice calling out his name like that, all sexy and husky and Spanish like and…

“Steven?”

“Yeah, Xabi?” he finally answered the second time round. “What is it?”

“Do you want to leave now?”

“I’m leavin’ tomorrow, Xabi.”

“No, what I mean is…do you want to go back to my place now?” Xabi chuckled.

“Oh, right,” Steven answered grinning when he’d realised he’d misunderstood the Spaniard. “I don’t mind leaving now, Xabi, if that’s what yer want. But…” his voice trailed off as he leaned in again and whispered in Xabi’s ear, “…I don’t want the night to end just yet for us.”

And a shiver immediately ran down Xabi’s spine hearing his answer.

Sitting up on his heels, Xabi allowed himself to look at Steven who was lying wearing nothing at all underneath him on his bed. The slightly tanned skin, the long hard limbs, those beautiful gorgeous eyes, everything about this man was making his heart ache with an overwhelming feeling of love. As soon as they’d reached his apartment, the first thing Xabi could think of doing was kissing Steven and those lips he was staring at now were all bruised and plumped from all the furious kissing they’d done earlier.

“Steven,” he murmured as he bent his head down, letting his forehead rest on his.

“Si, Xabi?”

Xabi smiled at Steven’s effort to use that little tiny bit of Spanish language.

“Do you remember when I taught you how to say I want to kiss you in French?”

“Yes I do,” Steven replied, “Why, Xabi?”

“Well, I’d never told you this…but I think, I think you got to me when you said those words in French. It sounded too sexy, too fucking sexy that my language got all mixed up. Do you remember?”

“I do.”

“I wanted you so much that night.”

Hearing that, Steven groaned and arched his body slightly so that their bare chests touched and the contact made was electric.

“And I really want yer now,” he sighed. “Don’t make me wait anymore, please?”

Then, without further hesitation, Xabi reached out with one slightly shaking hand and began to run his fingertips all over Steven’s body, from his collarbone down to his belly and then back up to his nipples, circling and teasing before going down again to his hips. He repeated the gesture with both hands for a couple of times and soon Steven was a moaning, writhing mess. He was so responsive to each gentle and tender touch and as the ministrations continued, he started to arch into the touches as if begging for more and he moaned deep in his throat as if he had no words left to describe the sensation he was feeling. Xabi was petting and stroking, from chest to hips, strong thighs and stomach, arms and face. Finally, when Steven was almost pleading with need, Xabi allowed his hand to travel down to Steven's throbbing hardness. Steven arched up and gasped out loud instantly at the touch before thrusting against his hand, desperately trying to deepen the fleeting contact.

“Ahhh, Xabi,” he cried breathlessly. “Do that some more…”

Not needing a second invitation, Xabi started to lightly stroke him for a few agonising minutes and when he was sure Steven was almost mindless with pleasure, he gave him what he really needed. Delving his tongue into Steven’s parted lips, he then kissed him hungrily while he pumped him harder than ever before. Then being a little bit bolder and still locked deep in a searing kiss with the writhing Englishman, Xabi’s other hand slowly traveled down over his hips, to his quivering thighs before spreading them further and then all over Steven’s sensitive opening. Knowing he’d never ever let anyone touch him that intimately before, Steven gasped into Xabi’s mouth and shivered, his body trembling even as he spread his legs wider and tilted his hips up, silently offering himself to Xabi. The teasing fingers just there, kept opening and swirling and circling, brushing over it, but not penetrating enough and Steven’s hips arched when Xabi suddenly stopped.

“Xabi?” Steven asked, breathless and confused. “Why did yer stop?”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Xabi whispered close to his ear but his own need was threatening to overcome everything that he was holding back.

“But I want it, Xabi,” Steven whimpered, “…and no, yer won’t hurt me…I trust yer.”

“And I do promise I won’t hurt you, Steven.”

And in the end, those few words were all that it took.

Soon their bodies were connected with each other for the first time as they let the passion they were feeling for one another took control of their movements. For the first time in Steven’s life, he knew how glorious it felt like to have another man’s lips wrapped around his throbbing length or how good it felt when his hips rose to meet Xabi’s delicious thrusts. And when they finally came together, Xabi heard Steven screaming his name, as burning hot liquid splashed against his chest and stomach and then they both trembled and whimpered at the overwhelming sensation before it slowly, finally ebb away. And soon after, just as Xabi was about to succumb to sleep, as he felt his eyes getting heavier and heavier, he felt Steven’s lips on his temples and cheeks and then the man that was lying by his side whispered something in his ear that made his heart froze.

“I love yer, Xabi. I’ve never said it before but I know now that I do. I love yer.”

Xabi pretended he didn’t hear a word, pretended he’d already fallen asleep when those words were being said but later, after Steven too had fallen asleep in his arms, Xabi turned to his side and murmured softly against his lips, “Yo tambiém te amo…I will love you for always.”

The next morning, after Steven had gotten ready, the first thing that he’d thought was, if nothing else, he’d always have this memory of him being with Xabi close to his heart. He was dreading saying goodbye but Xabi’s face was rather emotionless and almost cold as he saw him standing there by the kitchen counter. Steven did not like what he’d seen but he knew it was a way for him to block the hurt he was feeling. Walking slowly to the Spaniard, Steven turned him around so that they were now facing each other.

“Hey.”

“Hi, Steven.”

"Xabi…about last night, I…"

But before he could say anything, Xabi quickly folded a hand over his mouth.

"Don't say anything at all, por favor? We’ll meet each other again someday…I’m sure."

And when he took his hand away Steven remained quiet. He’d wanted to say ‘don’t you feel anything at all for me?’ but he decided then that he wasn't brave enough to do so. Instead, he prayed silently and hoped that if they were indeed meant to be then love will surely find a way for them to be together in the end.

French and Spanish words references:
J'aimerais commander quelque chose de spécial pour mon ami - I'd like to order something special for my friend here.
Yo tambiém te amo - I love you too.

s/x fic - Love Will Find A Way (Part 6/8)

2009-09-25T12:25:05Z

Title : Love Will Find A Way (Part 6/8)
Pairing : Steven Gerrard/Xabi Alonso
Rating : R
Summary : After Thierry left, Xabi and Steven are alone again in the house. What happens after they realise their feelings for one another?
Disclaimer : This is a story contrived from my imagination. Mistakes are all mine.
Warnings : Lots of kissing and touching and romance with slight angst.
Feedbacks : Yes please if you don't mind?
A/N : Thanks to suerta_lina for the French words again and to julialonso for the Spanish! And this fic is dedicated to loveubaby8s and ste08xlel. I hope you both will like this. <3

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

Love Will Find A Way

“Steven, what the hell are you doing?” Xabi asked as soon as they were left alone again. He’d seen Steven rushing towards the front door to slam it shut the moment Thierry had stepped out of the house.

“I’m lockin’ the door, so that twat can’t interrupt us again!” Steven cried emphatically. “He’s really annoyin’ me, Xabi. I swear he’s gonna get it from me if he does it again!”

“Aww, Steven, don’t call him a twat,” Xabi argued but Steven simply ignored him. He then cautiously peeped through the window and when he was certain Thierry and his friend was gone, he turned around to face Xabi.

“They’re finally gone now,” he declared. “And if he comes back again, we’re just gonna ignore him, alright? We’ll pretend we didn’t hear him.”

“And when he comes to return the car keys?”

“That’s different,” Steven answered. “He’d said he won’t come back till later tonight so whoever comes knockin’ on this front door between now till then will not be entertained.”

“Are you suggesting that we just stay inside this house the whole day?”

“I didn’t really say that, Xabi but yer did! And besides, we can’t go anywhere far without yer car so I’d rather we stay home and get cosy together.”

“Steven,” Xabi began but before he could say anything else, he saw him removing the bunch of keys which had been hanging from the lock. “What are you doing with those keys?”

“We need to throw this away, Xabi,” he said firmly as he dangled the bunch of keys in his hand in front of Xabi’s face. “We don’t need this for now.”

Xabi then watched with amused eyes as Steven flung the keys across the room, throwing it carelessly onto the side table by the sofa. And to his horror, he saw the keys hit a little decorative flower vase which was placed on top of the table and he could not do or say anything as the impact made the vase fall to the floor with a loud crash, breaking it into tiny little pieces.

“Oh fuck, I think I broke the damn vase,” Steven gasped in mock dismay at the mess he’d made. “I just hope it wasn’t an expensive one.”

But the sly grin on his face told Xabi he didn’t really care about the plight of the broken vase or neither did he care the consequences of his action.

“Well, we’d need to explain to Thierry’s parents why they’re missing one vase from this house later,” Xabi reasoned but Steven only shrugged his shoulders in return.

“We’ll just pretend we do not know what happened, eh? It’s not that hard to do. Besides, Thierry brings loads of guests to this house time and again, I presume? So it could be anyone’s fault that.”

Xabi scowled at Steven’s cheeky idea at first but soon he could not help but smile at his relaxed look and found himself chuckling at him. “I suppose we could do that.”

“Of course we can, Xabi!” Steven answered him happily. “No one would know and no one really needs to know.”

With the grin on his face lighting up his eyes, Xabi then saw Steven taking a couple of steps closer before reaching out for him.

“Steven?” he murmured questioningly. His face was now caught in between Steven’s hands.

“Once, twice, three times we were interrupted. It makes me fuckin’ mad! And I’ll be damned if it happens again, Xabi.”

During that split second, Xabi allowed himself to look into Steven’s eyes. It was like a kaleidoscope of dreams and Xabi was sure he’d seen himself in it. When he slowly lowered his gaze to Steven’s lips, he felt a twinge of desire to kiss them, so utterly delectable and kissable and whenever those lips smile, Xabi felt like it was meant only for him. When he’d first met Steven at the airport, the first time he’d seen him, he had felt a strange lurch in his heart. He’d never told Steven about it because honestly, what was he supposed to say to him? Was he supposed to tell him that he’d gotten a strange kind of sensation when he’d first seen him? And what would Steven have thought if he had told him that?

“Xabi, I’d really like to kiss yer again.”

Xabi’s hazy mind was delirious when he’d heard Steven’s voice in his ear, saying those words that were making him crazy.

“Since when did you need permission to kiss me?” he boldly replied. Chills were racing up and down his spine and he was suddenly hungry for Steven’s kisses again. He needed it, he wanted it, and he felt an overwhelming urge to claim Steven as his own. And not only to claim his kisses but also everything else in which Steven had to offer. He’d never ever felt anything like this for anyone in his life and as he felt Steven’s arms wrap around his waist, pulling him a little bit closer, Xabi let out a soft sigh. They were standing against each other now, chest to chest, hips to hips, and everything was so tender, so warm and so intimate, it made Xabi’s heart swell in his chest.

“Steven,” Xabi whispered slowly.

“Yeah?”

Slowly, Xabi raised his face to meet Steven’s eyes. “Kiss me,” he said, pulling Steven nearer towards him until there was no gap left between them. “Kiss me now.”

Steven smiled at his command, and it was a smile that promised sins and pleasures unimaginable. But it also promised something unmistakably like love.

Moments later, after the first initial kisses had drawn their breaths out, Xabi led Steven quietly to his room. His sane mind was telling him he should stop before it’s too late for he did not know what they were venturing into and where the hell this would all lead them but one thing was for certain, a part of him wasn’t willing to let what he’d started with Steven go just yet. And in the silence of his soul, Steven needed what Xabi was feeling just as badly.

“Xabi, I’ve never felt like this for anyone before in me life, I swear,” Steven proclaimed as the bedroom door closed behind them. “It’s all weird and new. I don’t even know what had hit me when I kissed yer.”

“I don’t either, Steven,” Xabi admitted. “I’m the same.”

“God, what did yer do to me, Xabi?”

“I don’t know,” Xabi answered shyly but deep inside he was proud to have that kind of effect on Steven.

For a moment, they simply stood there staring at each other, trying to understand the situation they were in and their hearts were pounding hard with anticipation of what to come. Someone had to make the first move and knowing he’d been the one that had instigated the kiss, Steven decided he’d have to be the one to make the next step. Gathering all of his courage, he leaned in closer and sighed as he kissed the Spaniard’s cheek softly.

“All that shit about me not bein’ attracted to men has gone out the window now I’m afraid,” he then whispered. “That’s all changed now. Yer changed me.”

“I don’t know what to say to that, Steven,” Xabi said.

He felt Steven’s fingers run through his hair as he was gently pushed backwards and down against the bed as they tumbled down together on it. Then, without saying anything further, Steven bent his head down to kiss him, slow and sensuous and deliberate, creating a world where only the both of them existed.

“Yer know what?” Steven later asked after they’d stopped for a breather.

“What is it?” Xabi murmured huskily. His arms were still wrapped around Steven’s neck. “Tell me.”

“I’ve decided I’m not really attracted to men in general. I’m just attracted to yer.”

Hearing Steven’s admission made Xabi laugh heartily. He’d never known anyone more adorable than the Englishman he was holding in his arms.

“What’s so funny?” Steven asked with one raised eyebrow after Xabi had stopped laughing.

“Ah, Steven, that’s a good one. A really, really good one. Is that a pickup line for me?”

“What? It’s not a bloody pickup line! Yer don’t believe what I’d said?” Steven pouted at Xabi.

“I didn’t say that. But when I think about it, what you’d said is definitely better than ‘you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen’ pickup line I’d suggested.”

“Xabi!” Steven cried. “I’m dead serious yer know!”

“And I’m sure you are,” Xabi answered softly with a smile.

After they’d kissed passionately again for the umpteenth time, Steven broke the kiss with a gasp and pushed himself up on his hands and knees so he could look at Xabi who was sprawled deliciously underneath him. And Steven decided there and then that Xabi was the most beautiful human being he had ever seen in his life. There was no mistake at all. Reaching out with one shaky hand, he traced his fingers all along Xabi’s face and saw the Spaniard closing his eyes at his touch.

“Xabi,” Steven called his name and encouraged him to open his eyes. “Xabi, look at me.”

Slowly, Xabi did as he was told. His heart was beating like mad. He was in heaven. “Si, Steven?”

“Xabi…I want to do more than just kiss yer. I know it sounds crazy but I do, I really do…”

Xabi shivered. Steven’s voice was fogging his brain. “What do you want to do, Steven?”

Without saying a word, Steven slid downwards to straddle Xabi’s lap, groin pressed against Xabi’s stomach so that his growing arousal was unmistakable. Then he guided Xabi’s hands up his shirt to rest on his chest and then slowly let the Spaniard unbutton his shirt before carefully pushing the clothing aside, sliding it off his shoulders. Before long, both of their clothes were discarded and Xabi was left staring helplessly up at Steven.

“Are yer afraid, Xabi at what we’re about to do? Because I’m scared shitless, I admit, but I want this so much….” Steven whispered. “I want yer.”

“I’m scared, Steven, but I want you too.”

Xabi’s honest admission sent shivers all over Steven’s body.

“I want you, Steven but I’m just afraid of what’s going to happen after this…”

“Shh, don’t think it, Xabi…don’t think.”

Xabi began to relax and his eyes were now closed shut. And soon without him realising it, his fears were forgotten and he had taken both of Steven’s hands in his and had placed them by his sides.

“I want you to touch me, Steven,” he whispered.

“God, Xabi,” Steven said shakily. “I thought yer’d never ask.”

“I do want you, Steven.”

At that moment, Steven knew there could be no turning back but he was willing to take the risk, even if it meant him getting hurt in the process. With one deep long breath, he leaned in and slowly, languorously licked Xabi’s lower lip and Xabi’s breath ran out in a sigh of surrender at the exquisite touch. But not to be outdone, he managed to catch the warm tongue tracing his lip, sucking on it gently before capturing Steven’s mouth with his, pushing with his tongue so that those lush lips opened up for him. He moaned softly as the feel of Steven’s mouth against his, the taste of him, sent small shocks all through his body. They then kissed again as though it was their last moment on earth, tongues and hands exploring, touching and learning each other.

“Xabi, yer’re so fuckin’ gorgeous,” Steven said in a strangled voice after they broke away again. Xabi’s skin was so warm, so soft, so willing against his. And he wanted more.

“Xabi,” Steven whispered his name again, his fingertips running along that expanse of delightful skin from Xabi's collarbone down to the top of his hips, caressing and teasing.

“Oh God, Steven,” he moaned, writhing with the need to be touched further, “God, Steven, please…”

Steven leaned down again, elbows on either side of Xabi’s shoulders, and ran a thumb gently over his trembling lips. “Please what?” he asked, eyes glinting, his spirit bolder than before.

“Please, Steven… please touch me… oh…” Xabi managed, his voice breathy with need.

“Touch yer like this?” Steven asked, sliding a hand down over Xabi’s quivering belly to brush against his hardening member, gently teasing and circling his thumb around his growing hardness which was still trapped inside his jeans. The touch made Xabi cried out, thrusting himself into Steven’s hand.

“Dios… oh yes… oh fuck, like that, yes…”

Xabi arched his back as Steven bit at his collarbone and he couldn’t decide if the searing sensation he was feeling was sheer pain or pleasure because he’d never felt anything quite like this before. One of his hands snaked into Steven’s hair, the other between his legs to join Steven's hand in stroking his hardness which was in dire need to be released.

“Touch me, Steven, please. I need you to touch me.”

Xabi’s breathy pleas were too much for Steven to handle. He soon swallowed past his own racing pulse and reached his shaky fingers out to undo the Spaniard’s jeans’ button before sliding the zipper slowly down. Teasingly and not knowing where he’d suddenly gotten the nerve, Steven bent down to press small kisses all along Xabi’s belly, biting gently at the tender skin and all over his hipbones, pulling a soft moan from Xabi’s lips. Then gripping the cloth which was separating him from what he wanted, Steven shoved the jeans down at once freeing Xabi’s throbbing erection. He stared at its smooth length, thick and straight and oh so perfect. He’d seen others’ manhood before but never at such a close range and what he was seeing then intrigued Steven to no end. Without realising what he was doing, he ran his fingers lightly over Xabi’s length and that managed to draw in a sharp intake of breath from the Spaniard, his body tensing under Steven’s delicate touch.

“Oh… yes…Steven,” Xabi whimpered, his arms falling limply at his sides as Steven continued his ministrations, touching and caressing and stroking, driving him crazy. After he was satisfied he’d tortured him enough, Steven pulled back for a moment to look at Xabi’s flushed face, mouth open, head thrown back against the pillows and Steven simply could not believe what he was seeing in front of his eyes.

I’m fuckin’ touchin’ him and he’s enjoyin’ it. God…what the fuck am I doin’?

Steven saw Xabi’s fists clenched at his sides and not wanting to hold back any further, Steven leaned in as he attacked Xabi’s mouth hungrily once again. And Xabi’s need was no less urgent than Steven’s, demanding as much as he was given.

“Aaahh…” Xabi gasped, his head falling back, breaths coming in ragged gasps through parted lips as Steven’s hand on his hardness was pumping faster than ever and he continued thrusting himself harder and harder and harder. Beads of sweat rolled off of his forehead, down his cheek, and over his jaw, leaving a wet trail down his neck and Steven followed the trail with his tongue, gathering up the salty taste of Xabi’s delicious pale skin, inhaling the scent of his arousal, feeding the fire burning inside him. Xabi’s frantic fingers raked through Steven’s hair, cradling his head and he raised his face, gazed into the deep ocean blue of Steven’s eyes for a shining second before their mouths met again in a soul searing kiss. They both started moaning and convulsing whenever their lips touched each other’s body.

“Steven, Steven…” Xabi murmured his name when the tension was getting too much to bear.

“Yeah,” Steven answered him against his mouth. “What is it, Xabi?”

“I want to touch you now. Let me touch you now.”

Before Steven knew what was happening, Xabi had undone his jeans through his clouded mind and had slid one hand down in between their bodies to grasp his member, stroking it hard and fast, running his short fingernails up his aching shaft. Steven gasped throatily against Xabi’s open mouth, thrusting eagerly like an excited teenager into his hand. The Spaniard felt Steven’s body arched and the contact of their hot bare torsos sent lightning up his spine.

“You feel good, Steven, so good,” Xabi said and all he could hear was Steven’s moans. He’d lost his ability to be in control of the situation as it was clear now that Xabi had taken over Steven’s role as the aggressive one.

“Oh fuck, ohh Xabi…yer’re so damn fuckin’ good at this!” Steven wailed as Xabi stroked him harder and faster. He closed his eyes as he felt Xabi leaned up towards him, feeling his lips on his neck, his throat and then slowly, he felt that devilish tongue licked a long line from his collarbone to his jaw. He mewled at the sensation and his thrusts grew more frenzied as he pumped himself relentlessly in Xabi’s hand. And taking advantage of Steven’s dazed mind, Xabi flipped them both over so that now he was on top of the writhing Steven. The Englishman’s eyes flew open in shock but he closed them just as soon as he had opened them. Heat started to build in his groin as the sensation of Xabi’s touches rolled up his spine and down towards his legs and toes. The intense pleasure was certainly building up.

“Oh, fuck, Xabi!” he whined out loud. “Oh fuck, oh God…ohhh…”

Listening to Steven’s pleadings, Xabi growled and dove down for another hungry kiss, and just as they were nearing the edge, he tore their lips apart to say “Come for me, Steven,” in a hoarse and desperate voice. During that split second when those words were said, he felt Steven went still for a moment and as he looked deeply into his eyes, Xabi understood he didn’t have to say it again because Steven’s need was plain enough for him to see.

“Come for me, amor,” he repeated and at that was all it took. As soon as he’d said that, Xabi felt Steven suck in his breath and felt his hands tightened in his hair before pure ecstasy exploded in his hands. Steven’s eyelids snapped shut and his mouth fell open, unable to produce any sound as he came in waves, pouring himself into Xabi’s heavenly hand. He felt as if he were turning to liquid, melting and burning uncontrollably. He shuddered as the waves of pleasure slowed, leaving him breathless and weak. He fell back onto the bed, gasping and spent, with Xabi carefully finishing himself off into completion.

“Yer called me amor,” Steven murmured his first words weakly after his brain started to function again. “Yer did, didn’t yer? I heard yer. Yer called me amor.”

“I did,” Xabi answered with a low chuckle. “Is okay, right?”

“But it means love, right?”

“Si, Steven. It does,” Xabi replied and Steven shivered at his answer.

“Fuck, Xabi, what did yer do to me,” he then said after he’d regained some composure of himself. He turned to his side to see Xabi smiling gently at him. That smile soon melted into a look of adoration and a warm feeling began to spread all over Steven’s body at that sight.

“Xabi?”

“Si?” the Spaniard replied softly. He moved in closer against Steven’s body and snaked an arm across his chest, holding him possessively close. Steven liked the idea of them simply holding the other but the thought of what they’d done earlier nearly sent him over the edge once again. Shaking his head to rid of those naughty images, Steven then turned his focus on Xabi once again and in an awkward move, he began talking excessively, hoping it could hide his actual feelings that he’d developed for Xabi before it became too obvious.

“Hey, I was thinkin’, why don’t yer come home with me to Liverpool and I can take yer to see some matches? The league is startin’ next week and it’ll be a perfect time for yer to come and watch yer first Liverpool game against West Ham! Yer’d like that, won’t yer? Because yer’ve been wantin’ to watch the team and I know I can get yer some tickets for a few matches,” he’d said and later on after they’d gotten dressed, Steven still hadn’t stop talking, still was trying to coax Xabi to come.

“It’s no big deal, Xabi. I’ve got some mates that can get us them tickets easily and yer’d love it. Yer’d never want to leave once yer’ve been to Anfield, I promise yer that because it’ll be a real special experience.”

“You think so, Steven?” Xabi replied, not being able to resist Steven’s good looking boyish charm. “You think I would want to stay?”

“I bet yer would! Especially with me as company!” he winked and it made Xabi laugh.

Both were now sitting on the carpeted floor in Xabi’s bedroom facing each other. Their fingers were entwined and their foreheads were resting against one another. Steven continued to stare into Xabi’s eyes, hoping for a positive answer, hoping for a ‘Yes, I’ll come with you, Steven.’ But when Xabi remained quiet, Steven lowered his eyes to the floor. Maybe he had hoped too much.

“Steven,” Xabi whispered gently sensing the change in his demeanour.

“Yeah?”

“You know I would love to come. Watching Liverpool play at Anfield is one of my all time dreams but time was never permitting me to do so.”

“I understand but this time it can be different, right, Xabi? This time, we’ll make time for yer to come. And besides when yer think about it, Liverpool and Paris is not that far. And if yer can’t follow me this weekend, yer can come the following week by train and I’ll pick yer up at the station. Heck, we can even make it a weekly affair!”

Steven’s voice was full of hope and Xabi had recognised it straightaway. There was an underlying meaning to his invitation and Xabi could sense it clearly but he didn’t want to give him false hope, not when he’s unsure of what he was feeling himself.

“Si, I can do all that but…but I don’t know if I really should.”

“Why?” Steven asked sadly. He was clearly disappointed at Xabi’s apprehension and instantly felt foolish for getting his hopes up. Maybe Xabi felt he was expecting too much too soon.

“We’re just goin’ to watch a game, Xabi. That’s all I’m sayin’,” he quickly quipped, hoping Xabi would not notice his dejection but it was already too late for Xabi had sensed it the minute he’d seen Steven’s face fell at hearing his answer.

“Is that the real reason why I’ll be going to Liverpool, Steven? Is that the real reason why I would want to follow you home? To watch a football match? Is that why you’d suggested making it a weekly affair?”

Steven simply nodded his head. He’d lied of course because there were other reasons why he’d wanted Xabi to follow him home. But he didn’t dare suggest it to Xabi. Looking at him then, he tried to tear his eyes away from those lips and those eyes but he simply couldn’t. After being with him, after he’d touched and loved him for only a few hours in his life, it had somehow managed to turn his world upside down. And now, he was unable to let go of Xabi.

“Xabi?” Steven slowly breathed.

“Yes?”

“Do yer have any other reasons to follow me home?”

Steven was taking his chances. He needed to because he didn’t want to lose whatever it was that had developed between him and Xabi. He was certain something special had happened between them. He was dead certain.

“Xabi?” Steven whispered as he felt the Spaniard’s lips suddenly on his forehead, gently kissing it all over making him sigh. “Xabi,” he repeated again and finally managed to get Xabi’s attention after a couple of tries.

“Si, Steven?”

“Answer me, please? Tell me what yer’re thinkin’.”

Xabi’s fingertips were running lightly up and down Steven’s face, making it hard for him to concentrate but he needed to know Xabi’s thoughts.

“Steven, I do not know what I’m thinking. I know what I want, I do, but…I don’t know. It is too complicated. There are a lot of things to think about and I know I should have thought of that before all this but…”

“Xabi, I’d never wanted anyone so fuckin’ badly in me life,” Steven suddenly interrupted him. “I never had.”

“And now?” Xabi asked teasingly, trying to lighten his mood.

“And today…God, today I know how that feels like for the first time, and it hurts so badly, Xabi. It fuckin’ hurts to want someone like that.”

Xabi felt Steven trembled slightly and at once he straightened himself up so that he could look properly at his friend’s face.

“Steven…” Xabi said before pausing, trying to figure out the right words to say. He didn’t want anything to spoil their moment for what he’d experienced with Steven was something so beautiful and sacred. He felt his heart ached painfully in his chest. He didn’t know quite how to say it because he feared Steven might get hurt.

“Steven,” Xabi began again after a while. “Don’t say things that you might regret later.”

“I won’t, Xabi,” Steven quickly replied as if he’d already known what he was going to say. “I don’t regret one thing that I’ve said or that I’ve done today. Definitely not what I’ve done with yer.”

“I don’t regret it either, Steven,” Xabi stammered, biting on his lower lip. “But do you remember when I said are you good at pretending for a while? Are you good at pretending this might last?”

Steven instantly tensed remembering what Xabi had said. He knew the topic was going to come up sooner or later so he quickly closed his eyes but Xabi forced him to look at his face by pulling his chin up. “Steven, do you remember it? Do you remember when I said that?”

“I do,” Steven said quietly, his heart suddenly aching with tremendous pain although he didn’t quite understand why. Xabi and he weren’t a couple, let alone in a relationship so why was he feeling like he was breaking up with someone he’d loved with all his heart?

“I know what yer mean, Xabi. This was all a pretense, wasn’t it? it was just for fun,” Steven continued softly. Without intention, a tear had slid down his face and it caused Xabi to sit up in alarm at the sight. “No, Steven, please…that is not it…”

“No. It’s okay, I understand, Xabi…it’s okay, yer don’t need to say anythin’.”

For a moment, both sat in complete silence. And then…

“Maybe you can stay here a little longer?” Xabi hopefully suggested but Steven only shook his head,

“Yer know that’s not possible, Xabi. I can’t. Yer know I can’t.”

“Even if you want to stay?”

Steven only gave him a sad look without uttering a word.

“I understand, Steven,” Xabi answered.

“But I would if I could, yer know. I don’t want to leave now.”

I don’t want to leave yer now.

“Steven,” Xabi interrupted quickly before Steven could say anything else for his own heart was already breaking into two. “This is something special to me…my only wish is we could make it last a little bit longer. It is difficult, it really is…”

“Then we should try to make the most of it while we’ve still got time, Xabi,” Steven suddenly said firmly. He grabbed Xabi’s hands and gripped it hard in his hold, surprising the Spaniard with his resolve. “I want to make the next few days special for us and I don’t want to lose any precious moments with yer while I’m still here. Not even for one damn second.”

“Steven…” Xabi tried to reason but a finger on his lips at once stopped him.

“Will yer let me, Xabi?” Steven insisted and soon, Xabi began nodding slowly. He closed his eyes and leaned towards Steven, kissing those soft lips before whispering, “I’ll let you.”

s/x fic - Love Will Find A Way (Part 5/8)

2009-09-22T07:05:54Z

Title : Love Will Find A Way (Part 5/8)
Pairing : Steven Gerrard/Xabi Alonso
Rating : Light R *grins*
Summary : What happens after the kiss? Will Steven and Xabi admit they are feeling much more than pure friendship for the other?
Disclaimer : This is a story contrived from my imagination. Mistakes are all mine.
Warnings : Love and romance.
Feedbacks : Yes please if you don't mind?
A/N : Thanks to suerta_lina for the French words again and to julialonso for the Spanish!

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

Love Will Find A Way

“I must be certifiably crazy to have kissed yer,” Steven grinned down at a flushed faced Xabi. “Absolutely, fuckin’ mad.”

A pleased look, eyes shining with something Xabi could not particularly figure out etched on Steven’s face and the entire situation, the confusion he was feeling coupled with the want to feel those lips again on his, was making him a little light headed. Steven’s lips were still hovering above his and Xabi was afraid to move because he feared he would lose his self control and do the unthinkable by pulling the adorable Scouser down for another breathtaking kiss. But thinking about it again, Xabi realised whatever remnants of sanity he’d had left had been lost moments ago when he’d let Steven pushed him down against the chair and governed his senses. And he’d lost it so completely he could hardly breathe. All through his young adult life, he’d never kissed a man before, and yes, he’d thought about it, he’d contemplated it but had never ever dared to try it but then that kiss with Steven, God, that kiss, that kiss alone was enough to wipe off any previous experience he’d ever had fooling around with girls or any fantasies at all he’d ever had with kissing other men. That kiss was just…it was…

“Xabi?”

“Si?” he croaked and whatever thoughts that’d been swirling in his head about past experiences were lost the instant he’d heard Steven calling his name.

“What is it, Steven?”

“I’m sorry I kissed yer.”

If Steven was indeed regretful for his actions, he didn’t sound too sorry about it and Xabi doubt too that was the case. And he was not going to let Steven fool him with his words.

“Are you really sorry, Steven?” he asked, being a bit braver than before, his hands now gripping gently at Steven’s arms.

And instead of an answer, he saw Steven waggling his eyebrows in a teasing manner and less than a few seconds later that smile, that smile that was now practically engraved in Xabi’s heart, was on display again making his chest ache.

“Are you sorry, Steven?” Xabi asked for the second time and only then did he see Steven shaking his head.

“I think I’ve gone insane but truthfully? Honestly? I’m definitely not really sorry, Xabi.”

Xabi didn’t know what the time was then and he didn’t even know how long they’d stayed together like that on that damn chair. High above them the moon was shining brightly and the clear night sky with no clouds to block his view from the glimmering stars made the setting ridiculously romantic to Xabi. The wave continued to pound against the beach, splashing water time and again beating against his face but he didn’t care. All that mattered at that moment to Xabi was Steven and how hard he tried to make himself understand the circumstances they were in.

“Xabi?”

Again his voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

“Si?”

“Are yer sorry yerself? Are yer sorry that I did what I did?”

Xabi had never experienced quite like how he was feeling with Steven then. His voice so close to his ear with his cheek pressed against his as he whispered in his ear, “I’m definitely not drunk but I think I’m a little bit crazy for yer tonight” made Xabi sigh pleasurably. Unaware that his own hands had traced up along Steven’s back, Xabi leaned up and placed a soft kiss underneath his sensitive ear. How did he know it was sensitive? Because he’d felt Steven shiver at the contact and his head had fallen forward against his shoulder.

“I think I’m a bit crazy too, Steven, and no, I am not sorry at all,” he murmured softy. As Steven continued to rain kisses on his cheek, he turned his head to the side and saw the stretch of beach they were on was deserted with people, save only for them making Xabi smile. Thierry had indeed picked a good place for them to be together.

“We’re the only ones here, Steven,” he then murmured in his ear. “Es sólo tú y yo aquí.”

“God, Xabi,” Steven groaned as he lifted his head up to look down at the Spaniard, “I don’t know what yer just said but yer sounded dead sexy with yer Spanish.”

Xabi chuckled and turned his face to meet Steven’s eyes once again. “I’m sorry about the Spanish. I said it’s only you and me here on this beach. We are alone.”

“Indeed we are,” Steven agreed as he saw what Xabi had meant. After scanning his eyes around, he returned his attention on Xabi again and for the first time since he’d met him, for the first time since he’d known the Spaniard, a longing feeling, strangely familiar yet something Steven knew he shouldn’t be having started to brew in his chest. Steven knew he had developed this mad pull towards Xabi ever since he’d mentioned about his smile but that night, the feeling had evolved into something more intense than before.

Fuckin’ hell, Stevie! Yer’re fuckin’ crazy to do this but God, this man…he’s fuckin’ delish! Look at those eyes and those lips! Good God…

“Steven?”

“Yeah?” Steven answered, his voice low and hoarse.

“This is bizarre and I am feeling suddenly strange…”

“Yeah, I know, Xabi. I’m feeling weird me self but…”

“But?” Xabi asked, cocking his head to the side and that sight made Steven’s heart leap in his chest.

But fuck all that, Xabi!

Knowing he’d regret his actions later but wanting to taste a little bit more of Xabi, Steven then leaned down and kissed him softly on the lips again. When Xabi sighed against his mouth, Steven stuck his tongue out to lick lightly against the Spaniard’s lips. An instant low rasping moan escaped Xabi’s lips and Steven thought nothing had sounded sexier than that. And realising that Xabi had opened up his mouth slightly under the gentle assault, he slid his probing tongue inside swiftly. The taste of Xabi exploded in his mouth and it was so indescribable, Steven wished he’d never have to stop kissing him.

Tongue stroking tongue, swirling and caressing, they battled for dominance and control. Xabi began to writhe slightly underneath Steven and Steven let his mind be distracted for a quick minute at the friction it created, but soon enough he wrestled Xabi’s mouth into submission once again. Chills ran up and down his spine as Xabi soon began kissing him back with vigour and lust and suddenly he felt an overwhelming feeling to touch the Spaniard where he himself would like to be touched. His free hand that weren’t tangled in Xabi’s hair had crept down along Xabi’s thigh, kneading and pressing and God he didn’t know where his act of braveness had come from and just when he was about to be a little bit bolder, Xabi’s handphone in his jeans pocket started to ring.

“No, Xabi…God, just ignore it!” Steven prayed silently as their passionate kiss continued but the caller, whoever the fuck it was, just would not give up.

“I’ve to answer it, Steven. It might be something urgent,” Xabi said breathlessly as he tore his lips away and Steven groaned in disappointment when he finally had to let Xabi go.

The time on Steven’s watch showed that it was almost midnight. He did not know how they’d managed it but somehow they had made it back to the village house. All through the short journey home from the beach, they’d cycle in silence and Steven wondered now as he stood outside on the terrace, leaning against one of its pillars, whether what had happened between he and Xabi had been just a figment of his imagination. He had kissed Xabi, he realised later on, he indeed had kissed him, a man, full on the lips with passion and want and God knows whatever else it was he had felt then. Outside in the cool darkness of the night, Steven took in a deep breath and then letting the tensions in his body flow away as he let his breath go.

“What the fuck happened?” he thought as he rubbed his face gingerly with his hands. “Fuck, get a grip on yerself, Stevie. Yer don’t need this right now.”

He ran a hand through his short hair as he finally dragged himself up the steps back into the house moments later. But just as he was about to twist the doorknob to his room open, he stole a quick glance at Xabi’s room, the door to it locked shut and thinking about what they’d shared that night, a lazy smile formed on his lips.

“Good night, Steven, we’ll talk again tomorrow, ok?” Xabi had said softly when they’d reached the house earlier. Steven had only nodded in response, words suddenly lost on him. He’d wanted to say ‘What the hell have we done to each other tonight?’ and ‘Who are you to me now?’ but then he’d remained quiet and simply watched as Xabi made his way into his room. And as soon as Xabi had closed the door behind him, Steven had had a good mind to call Thierry and gave him a good roasting. It had been him, like numerous times before, that had interrupted his perfect moment with Xabi.

Unknown to Xabi, Steven had stolen Thierry’s number from his handphone when he’d accidentally left it on the small living room table before they’d left for the beach. Xabi hadn’t realised his careless act and Steven hadn’t bothered to tell him so.

“Fuck that Frenchmen,” Steven had grumbled. He didn’t know why he’d had a strong urge to steal Thierry’s number but as he’d stared at the number on display on his phone, fingers itching to simply press the dial button, he’d understood then why he’d done it. He’d wanted to give Thierry a good bollocking for interrupting their moment for the umpteenth time but he’d thought about his idea again and figured it would be best he’d left that to tomorrow. And now as he stood there staring at Xabi’s door, Steven wondered whether what he’d intended to do was a good idea at all. Fuck, what right did he have to scold Xabi’s friend for calling him? He’d no right at all. In fact, Thierry had known him longer than he ever had.

“Perhaps Xabi is not even thinkin’ anymore about the kiss? Fuck off, Stevie, just go to bed yer dickhead!” he scolded himself and then after one last longing look at the closed door from across the hallway, Steven finally made his way into his room. After closing the door behind him with a soft sigh, he stumbled through the semi darkness of the room and collapsed onto the comfortable bed and soon enough, after a few toss and turns, sleep at last overcame his chaotic mind.

“Steven?”

Xabi’s voice made Steven jumped. He’d woken up early and after deciding he wasn’t going to get anymore sleep, he’d gotten off the bed and had made his way to the kitchen to make himself a mug of coffee. He was standing by the kitchen counter looking outside the window thinking about a particular, gorgeous Spaniard when Xabi had startled him.

“Fuck, Xabi, yer’d scared me,” Steven complained when he saw Xabi approaching him.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were that jumpy,” Xabi answered with a smile. He was leaning against the kitchen counter less than a few feet away from him and Steven suddenly swallowed nervously. When the hell did Xabi look that gorgeous? Steven was convinced his eyes were messing with his mind and he quickly turned around, making sure his eyes were not fixed on the Spaniard’s face. He finished his coffee and hurriedly washed the mug before making his way towards a little stool in the middle of the kitchen to sit himself down. If he were to stand any longer he’d probably have fainted for his heart was beating too fast and the blood rush was making him dizzy.

After a while, he watched Xabi make his own drink before sitting across him with a piece of toast in his hand. He ate it quietly, leaning his hands on the table, not saying anything and Steven continued sitting there, trying to figure out what he should say. As he looked at him, Steven could feel his lips tingle at the memory of their searing kiss. It was hot and heavy and if it weren’t for Thierry interrupting them, he was certain he’d do much more.

“God, this is awkward, Xabi,” Steven finally broke the silence when Xabi was contented to simply stay silent all morning, driving himself mad. “I can’t stand this silence. Yer can’t keep on pretendin’ that nothin’ happened.”

“What is it, Steven?” Xabi asked calmly and that made it much worse for Steven.

How the fuck can he stay so calm when I’m about to lose my mind here!

“What is it, yer say?” Steven then asked, irritation creeping into his nerves. “Well I need to ask yer about what happened last night, Xabi, that’s what it is. Do yer even remember last night?”

“Si, of course I remember, Steven and I want to talk about that too.”

Good, he’s still thinkin’ about last night, at least. Well at least he’s not sayin’ “nothing happened last night, Steven”. God, that’d be fuckin’ horrible!

“Steven,” Xabi said as he sauntered slowly across the table, stool in his hand and suddenly he was sitting right in front of Steven’s face

“Yes?” Steven gulped. He’d been brave earlier but now that braveness had dwindled a little. As Xabi sat there, Steven idly wondered what the Spaniard had in his mind and soon enough his question was answered.

“We kissed last night.”

Hearing that, Steven let out a loud groan.

“Fuck, I know! Yer don’t have to remind me that, Xabi,” he replied just as soon as Xabi had said that. The memories of their kiss came flooding back and Xabi, sitting so close to him was radiating heat and Steven felt like pushing him back against the table so that he could ravish his mouth just like he’d done the night before but he knew he could not do that, not until he’d gotten some answers from Xabi. He’d wanted to let Xabi know the questions that were wreaking his brain but before he could do so, Xabi had started talking first.

“So, what was that all about, Steven?”

“What was what?” Steven questioned.

“The kiss…un beso…what was it all about?”

Steven’s gaze immediately dropped to the floor.

“I…I, I really don’t know. I’ve no answer for that,” Steven murmured.

Avoiding eye contact with Xabi seemed harder than he’d imagined because the pull to look at his handsome face was so strong, Steven soon found his eyes glued on Xabi’s beautiful entrancing ones in no time at all once more.

“You kissed me first, Steven.”

“Oh yeah? But yer kissed me back, Xabi!” Steven replied in defense, standing up immediately making the stool drop to the floor with a loud clang. He did not like Xabi’s accusing tone, like he’d been the one that started the whole mess.

“Are yer sayin’ it’s my fault now?”

“No. I didn’t mean it like that, Steven,” Xabi tried to reason but Steven did not want to hear it.

“And yer seemed to enjoy it too if I could recall clearly! Yer liked me kissin’ yer…”

“I did,” Xabi replied shortly, ignoring Steven’s defensive stance. “I did kiss you back and I did enjoy it. And I liked you kissing me.”

Steven tried to pretend he didn’t hear Xabi but it was near impossible to do so.

“I was shocked when you did it but I had wished for it silently, Steven. Don’t ask me why, but I did wish it.”

“Oh fuck, Xabi, what the hell are yer doin’ to me?” Steven groaned hearing Xabi’s reasoning and soon, he began to barrage Xabi with words, not even letting a chance for Xabi to explain what he really wanted to say.

“Steven, listen to me first….” Xabi began but Steven cut him off.

“No, yer listen, Xabi. This is not a game, mate, let me tell yer that! I know yer may have kissed Thierry before or even other guys, and not that I like that idea of yer goin’ round kissin’ other people me self but I know yer’ve done that before because fuck, how can yer not have done it before when yer kiss me like that?! And I’m not gonna be some guy that yer randomly kiss, Xabi! I’m not gonna be that…”

“Steven, please! You must know that I’ve not kissed Thierry before! And…”

“And for fuck’s sake, we hardly know each other, Xabi,” Steven interrupted, throwing his hands up in the air. “I mean I’ve known yer for like what? Five days? Five fuckin’ days! And I can’t kiss yer when I hardly know yer at all! Ah damn, Xabi…this is all fuckin’ crazy! It really is!”

“Steven! Will you please listen to me first?”

Xabi had both of Steven’s arms in his firm grip now, shaking him slightly, trying to calm his frenzied reaction and Steven didn’t even realise how or when he’d let Xabi be so close to him. And before he could understand what else was happening, Xabi had already pushed him back against the kitchen counter.

“Listen, Steven. Listen to me…” he murmured after Steven had calmed down. “Please listen to me.”

“Okay…okay, I’m listenin’,” Steven at last relented, although his breathing was still ragged, his chest heaving slightly. The pressure of Xabi’s body against his own was making his mind reel again and no, that wasn’t good because he needed a clear mind and head to think and it certainly wasn’t helping his cause.

“Steven,” Xabi slowly muttered, “What we did was crazy I admit, it was loco, but…”

“But what?”

“But it was at the same time good, no?”

Steven couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He thought Xabi would be the sane one, he thought he’d be the one to tell him that all that had happened was a mistake and it had been one stupid fooling around session but here he was telling him that it was good?

“Xabi, yer don’t understand,” Steven said, trying to make sense out of the whole situation.

“No, I do understand, Steven,” Xabi argued, his head shaking. “I understand that it’s all weird and crazy and wrong but Steven, didn’t you feel it? Didn’t you feel it felt so right at the same time? It felt so good and amazing.”

“Xabi…”

“Steven, I didn’t know what I want at first, I never knew what I want in my life but you came here and I met you and now everything has changed. You came and you changed me, Steven.”

“What?” Steven asked confused. “What do yer mean?”

“I know now what I want. I want you.”

Steven tried to pretend that he had it all under control when he’d heard Xabi saying that but in his head, he’d wanted to scream, “Fuck, Xabi, I want yer, God, I want yer too!”

Then without any warnings, Xabi's arms suddenly came up around him and his fingers lightly swept up and down Steven's back, leaving trails of goosebumps along his skin. He couldn't suppress the shudder of pleasure the touch had caused and when Xabi pulled him closer, Steven gasped.

“Xabi? What, what are yer doin’?” he squeaked.

“Are you good at pretending for a while? Are you good at pretending that this might last between us?” Xabi asked softly. That light in his eyes was enough to make Steven’s knees go weak. He couldn’t resist him and he wondered then when did he become so weak willed? And since when did Xabi, since when did this man who was holding him in his arms had total control over his mind?

“Xabi, I don’t know…” Steven began but soon Xabi managed to shut him up when he’d reached one hand to trace his fingertips all along Steven’s face.

“Your smile, is beautiful, Steven. I cannot take it off my mind. And the kiss last night, I cannot forget it…I thought about it all night. In fact, I’ve been thinking about kissing you ever since the first time I met you.”

Fuckin’ hell! Yer can’t say that and get away with it!

“Oh, fuck, fuck it, Xabi…”

Not being able to hold off any longer, Steven turned Xabi around so that now he was the one that was being pinned against the counter and his tongue quickly delved into his mouth and swirled around, intertwining itself with Xabi’s. Xabi writhed and moaned into the kiss, every part of his body screaming for more from Steven. Last night as he’d lain on his bed, he’d thought about Steven and the kiss and he’d touched himself into completion, imagining Steven’s lips on his own and all over his body.

“Steven…” he moaned as he tore his lips away to take a breather. “I don’t know why I’m feeling this way for you.”

“Oh God, is that why yer kept teasin’ me about findin’ someone for me self here in this damn country?” Steven groaned. He could only tipped Xabi’s head back and attacked his exposed neck, scrapping his teeth on the hot skin, not knowing what had gotten into him, not knowing where the lust and the want had come from. Then, after he’d made Xabi’s moans and gasps grew louder, he captured his lips with his again and kissed him thoroughly while one hand dragged itself lower along Xabi’s back. Xabi gasped into his mouth and his body trembled when Steven laid his hand firmly over his hip.

“You’ve done this before, no?” he shakily whispered into Steven’s mouth. “You’ve touched another man before? Because it certainly looked like you have…”

“No…God, no…I don’t have a fuckin’ clue to what I’m doin’, Xabi,” Steven whispered in his ear. “Don’t have a fuckin’ clue.” He then kissed him harder than before.

Lowering his fingers even further, Steven teased Xabi’s thigh, swirling and circling his fingertips over his jeans and the touches were innocent but it was enough to make Xabi pant slightly. Xabi's hips twitched and Steven broke off their kiss, gasping, and then he dipped his head back down to nibble and lick along the long warm length of Xabi’s throat. Leaning further back, Xabi tilted his head to give Steven better access and his hips began to thrust against Steven’s, trying to get more friction that was currently driving himself insane.

“Xabi, I swear to God if we get interrupted again, I’m gonna fuckin’ kill Thierry,” Steven murmured against his skin. And like Steven had read the situation clearly, the house’s door bell began to ring and he groaned out loud in frustration.

“Fuck! No…no, we didn’t hear that! Please tell me we didn’t hear that,” he grumbled and Xabi, with all the will power he had in him, began to push Steven slightly off and after a while, with foreheads leaning against each other, he whispered huskily, “We’ll have other moments, Steven.”

“But when?” Steven whined. Xabi was like a drug to him now and fuck, he needed more!

“Xabi?” he asked again, his eyes wide and round and full of want. “When?”

“Be patient, okay?” Xabi replied, touching Steven’s lips softly. “For now, let’s meet our guest.”

“Thierry, you came,” Xabi greeted his friend as he opened the front door.

Thierry’s eyes dart back and forth between Xabi and Steven and a knowing smile formed on his lips at the flushed look on their faces.

“Bonjour! I hope I am not interrupting anything important?” Thierry cheerfully said as he made his way inside the house.

When Steven had seen Thierry grinning at the front door, he could hardly believe his eyes. He’d rubbed it a couple of times, hoping that he’d been mistaken but unfortunately for Steven, Thierry’s presence was as real as it could get.

“Fuck, what the hell is he doin’ here??” Steven hissed in Xabi’s ear after Thierry had disappeared into one of the guest rooms. “I cannot fuckin’ believe he is here! He is actually here! Please do not tell me he’ll be joinin’ us, Xabi? Is he joinin’ us here?”

“No, Steven, Thierry’s here just for a while. He’s gonna meet a friend later on and will be on his way soon, okay? Don’t worry.”

“God, I’m not worryin’ but it’s just that his timing is always so bloody convenient, that twat!”

Xabi could not help but smirk at Steven and his rants. His heart was swelling at the sight of the annoyed Englishman before him. With his clenched fists at his sides and his annoyed face so adorable, Xabi felt like kissing him again there and then.

“He’ll be gone soon, Steven, I promise,” he assured him only to have Steven rolling his eyes at him.

“Well he better be!”

A few minutes later, Thierry was out again with them in the living room and Steven saw Xabi handing over his car keys to the Frenchman.

“Is that yer car keys? Why are yer givin’ him yer car keys?”

But instead of Xabi answering, Thierry was quicker to respond to Steven’s question.

“Oui, these are Xabi’s car keys. I am just borrowing it,” Thierry replied and winked at the red faced Steven. “Don’t worry, I’ll return it later tonight. Need Xabi’s car to drive around town with some friends.”

“But how did yer get here then?” Steven asked, ignoring the growing irritation he was feeling. “And where are yer other friends?”

“I came with another friend and will meet some others at another friend’s place. And if you look outside, you can see this friend of mine waiting for me in his car. We’re all meeting up at another beach house for a party this evening. You both can come and join us if you want.”

Steven glanced outside and sure enough he saw a white convertible car parked just beyond the pavement and a dark haired man was sitting in the driver’s seat.

“Is that yer gay partner?”

“Steven!” Xabi groaned and smacked his shoulder hard, earning a loud shriek from him.

“Fuck, Xabi, that hurts!” he complained as he rubbed his sore shoulder vigorously. “Yer didn’t have to do that!”

“And you didn’t have to say that! You are embarrassing me!”

“Hey, that’s okay, Xabi, he’s got to know sooner or later,” Thierry laughed loudly before slowly making his way towards Steven. “And Steven,” he then said, “…to answer your question, yes, outside there, that is my gay partner since you have put it that way. His name is Robert by the way. I think you should meet him someday. He’s a great Liverpool supporter too, just like Xabi! And don’t ask me why I have so many Liverpool supporting friends!”

Xabi glanced at Steven who was trying hard to hide his embarrassment. He tried to say something to smooth the situation but instead decided to simply let Thierry have his way with Steven.

“I’m on my way now, I don’t want to interrupt your session with Xabi any longer,” Thierry smirked. Steven wanted to shout at him for his smart arse comments but in the end he simply remained quiet. He saw Thierry turning to Xabi then and after exchanging a few words, he saw them embrace, making his blood boil with jealousy and before long, they were both alone once again in that house.

s/x fic - Love Will Find A Way (Part 4/8)

2009-09-15T13:44:39Z

Title : Love Will Find A Way (Part 4/8)
Pairing : Steven Gerrard/Xabi Alonso
Rating : PG13
Summary : Xabi takes Steven to the South of France and sparks fly faster than both could imagine.
Disclaimer : This is a story contrived from my imagination. Mistakes are all mine.
Warnings : Love and romance.
Feedbacks : Yes please if you don't mind?
A/N : Thanks to suerta_lina for the French words again and to julialonso for the Spanish! I really do appreciate it, sweeties! Love you both! *hugs* And I really do hope this chapter is ok.

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

Love Will Find A Way

“Thierry has a village house in south of France? Is he fuckin’ rich or what?”

Steven’s reaction when he’d found out about Thierry’s offer to let them have his place for the weekend made Xabi laugh heartily. But he had expected it from Steven though. How else would Steven have reacted when he’d told him about it other than his blue eyes going wide and his lips parting slightly out of sheer amazement? His awestruck look was vintage Steven and to Xabi it was nothing short of endearing. Spending the last few days with Steven, bringing him out and about Paris, taking him to the various places Xabi knew would strike his interest had made Xabi learn that much more about him. Now, he knew exactly what would tick Steven off and what kind of topics he should talk about just to spark his curiosity. And Xabi loved having that little advantage over him.

“But are yer sure it’s alright for us to crash his place? Even if he’d given us permission?”

“I’m sure, Steven. And we are not crashing his place. Like you said, he’s given us permission and his parents know,” Xabi reassured his friend. “Do not worry, please.”

They were having their dinner at the apartment’s cozy little balcony, the setting overlooking some of the neighbouring buildings and the clear evening sky with the cool summer breeze blowing gently around them added up to the pleasant ambience. Xabi had told Steven earlier that they’d be traveling down south the next day as they’d planned and Steven had agreed but when his guest had continued to worry about the village house they’d be staying in, it began to worry Xabi himself. All throughout dinner, Xabi had been contented to let Steven rambled on while he’d continued watching him closely but up till then, Steven had yet to stop talking.

“I know I wanted yer to take me there, Xabi, but I didn’t think that we would be stayin’ there overnight. I mean, I don’t want to trouble yer or yer friend for that matter and I hardly know him, that Thierry.”

“It is okay, Steven. Besides, it will make the trip more worthwhile if we were to stay there overnight. It’s quite a distance so it doesn’t make sense for it to be a day trip after we’ve come so far. Besides, there are plenty of things for you to see there,” Xabi replied. “You agree with me, no?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you still worrying?” Xabi then asked when Steven said nothing else. He noticed Steven was pushing the last bits of chicken on his plate back and forth with his fork before finally showing some mercy on his food.

“I thought you were never going to eat that,” Xabi teased and as Steven chewed on his food, he started to ask Xabi again about their trip much to Xabi’s amusement.

“Yer do know that I do agree with yer about stayin’ over but it’s just that, well, yer see…I don’t want it to be because of me that yer have to go through all the trouble lookin’ for a place for us to stay that’s gonna incur extra cost or askin’ any favours from Thierry to avoid us from spendin’ too much. Yer know what I mean? And it’s not like I know him well enough for him to do this favour for me.”

“But he knows me, Steven. Thierry’s doing this favour for me.”

“That’s precisely it, Xabi! He knows yer and he’s yer friend and he just happens to have fancied yer all this while!”

Xabi thought he’d understood why Steven was worrying about the trip but after hearing that last bit of information, he finally got the real reason for his hesitance. If his explanation wasn’t clear enough then his tone of voice had given him away.

Was Steven actually jealous of Thierry?

Holding back his thoughts, Xabi gave him a small smirk before carefully pushing their now empty plates aside. He then leaned forward against the little table and gestured with his index finger for Steven to do the same.

“What is it, Xabi?” Steven asked curiously. He looked right and left as if cautious that Xabi was about to tell him a big secret and was fearful that someone would be watching them from one of the windows of the nearby apartments.

“Steven, what are you doing?” Xabi asked, shaking his head at his antics. “Will you look at me, por favor?”

That immediately got Steven’s attention and as he faced the Spaniard once again, he saw that Xabi’s grin had gotten wider than ever. “Well what is it then, Xabi? Will yer just tell me because yer’re makin’ me dead nervous!”

Xabi studied him for a moment and when he saw Steven squirming uneasily in his seat, he finally relented.

“Look, we’ve gone out to dinner with Thierry and you’ve gotten to know him better and you have seen how nice he’s to us, si? You don’t still doubt him, do you? Is this what this is all about? You being so hesitant to stay at his village house? Because you are still having this weird thing about Thierry?”

“Fuck! It’s not that at all!” Steven cried defensively, sitting up at once. “I just didn’t want to trouble yer! And what weird thing do I have about him? I don’t have any weird thing for him!”

Shrugging his shoulders, Xabi then casually took a sip of his drink, ignoring Steven’s glare. He saw that Steven’s face was now clouded with confusion, as if really not understanding what he was trying to imply. Either that or he really was a good actor!

“Well, I think you are not really comfortable about the fact that he’s gay. Are you not? And that he used to like me. That’s the real problem, right?”

“What the…of course that’s not the fuckin’ problem!” Steven cried again, this time a little bit louder. “I’m totally okay with it, and if yer’re gay as well, Xabi, I’m fine with it too!”

“Ahh, Steven I was only joking!” Xabi laughed hearing his frantic reply. Steven’s face had gone bright red and the Spaniard thought he’d looked really, really adorable although he chose to ignore that last bit of detail. He quickly moved in to ease Steven’s mood when he saw him pouting but could not help himself from giving him one last jibe. “God, you are so easy to tease, Steven! Relax!”

“Fuckin’ hell, Xabi, that wasn’t funny!” Steven grumbled. “I seriously didn’t want to trouble yer and him that’s all.”

“And I’ve already told you, it’s no trouble at all. So stop thinking too much and let’s just go, okay?” Xabi persuaded him gently and was glad when at last he saw Steven’s lips break into a smile.

“We’ll go and stay overnight, si?”

“Oh alright, if yer really insist,” Steven then answered while rolling his eyes.

“Speaking of the village house, obviously it isn’t really Thierry’s, it’s his parents,” Xabi explained later after they’d cleared the plates away after their dinner. They were both now leaning against the balcony rally, drinking beer while watching the flickering bright lights from the Eifel Tower when Xabi continued to tell Steven about his previous trips down south.

“I’ve met his parents before and they are really nice, in fact, I’ve stayed there a couple of times that I’ve been there. It’s located at Perpignan if you want to know.”

“Perpignan,” Steven thought quietly but knowing Xabi had been there before certainly had struck his interest and the green eyed monster in him simply did not want the questions to stop there.

“So…yer’ve been there loads of times, eh?” Steven again asked. He was annoyed that he wasn’t able to contain his curiosity but he really needed to know whether Xabi had enjoyed his trips with his friends…especially with one friend in particular.

“So how many times have yer been there? Did yer like it there?”

“I’ve been there maybe about three or four times. I went there last summer too when Thierry had invited a few friends over to just hang out and relax. It’s a very beautiful place. And of course I’d enjoyed it and I’m sure you’ll like it too.”

Suddenly in Steven’s head, he imagined them, Xabi and his group of friends together with Thierry, having a fun filled evening by the beach, getting drunk, groping and kissing each other and good God, Steven didn’t know why he was having those nasty thoughts at all! He took a swing of his beer and immediately casted his eyes away from Xabi, fearing the Spaniard would be able to read his mind again.

The next morning as planned, both friends set out for their road trip to South of France. Xabi was determined to leave early in order for them to arrive at their destination before the sun sets and when Steven finally opened his sleepy eyes, he realised Xabi had driven them out of the city.

“¡Buenos días! sleepy head, you are awake finally!” Xabi greeted his still groggy friend who was yawning and stretching himself lazily beside him.

“Hmmm, yeah I am. Wow, thank goodness I’d already packed me stuff last night. Yer practically dragged me out of bed, Xabi,” Steven moaned and complained at the giggling Spaniard before leaning his head against the window.

“Are you alright?” Xabi asked when Steven remained quiet for it was fairly unusual for him to be like that.

“Oh, I’m fine but I’m still a little bit sleepy,” he murmured.

Steven’s cheeks were pressed against the car’s window, and his warm breath against the cool glass had formed a condensation. Tracing his fingers along it, he then cheekily wrote, ‘sleepy’ and turned his head at Xabi to see the Spaniard narrowing his eyes at him.

“What?”

“Aww, Steven was it that early that I wake you? You had said yourself you didn’t want to waste time while you are here so I am just making sure you do exactly that,” Xabi explained before returning his attention on the road.

“Aww, Xabi, yer are such a dad! Yer could have given me at least five minutes more to sleep,” Steven replied before poking his shoulder.

“But it wasn’t my fault that you stayed up so late!” Xabi countered. “And what were you doing staying up so late anyway?”

Steven immediately grinned hearing Xabi’s question. That had actually woken him up and without answering his friend, he straightaway rummaged in his backpack before letting out his “Study French in 30 days” book and showing to Xabi excitedly what he’d actually done last night.

“I thought yer’d never ask me why I’m dead to the world this mornin’! I’ve been studyin’ me French, me! Okay, listen to this.”

Clearing his throat somewhat, Steven then paused before saying, “Comment êtes-vous ce matin, Xabi?”

Hearing that, Xabi fixed his eyes on Steven once again and flashed him a smile before answering in French, “Je vais bien, merci. Je suis heureux que vous vous amusez.”

That fluently spoken French sentence however got Steven frowning.

“Damnit, Xabi…don’t go all advanced on me,” he argued with a slight pout on his lips. “I’m a beginner here! Go easy on me, will yer! Don’t go on sayin’ somethin’ so complicated!”

Xabi laughed. “I know you are beginner and I was only testing your French. And by the way, what I said just now was something simple and easy.”

“So what did yer actually say to me?” he asked while his fingers skimmed through the pages, hoping he’d find a translation to what Xabi had said. But his impatience got the better of him and after he slammed the book shut, he turned to Xabi once again. “Well, what did it mean, Xabi? Go on and tell me now, lad.”

“I said that I’m happy you are enjoying yourself. That’s what the sentence meant. And I wouldn’t want my guess to be miserable because that would mean I am a bad host, si?”

“Si,” Steven repeated Xabi. Suddenly he was feeling strangely giddy at the whole situation they were in, not that he knew the reason why.

“And Xabi?”

“Yes, Steven?”

“Yer’re not a bad host at all. And how can I possibly be miserable? I love it here. And yer know that, don’t yer?”

With a nod, Xabi answered and smiled knowingly at him. “I do, Steven. I really do.”

After a few long hours of traveling, they finally arrived at Perpignan late that afternoon. And it was made easier since Xabi knew his way well around the little city.

“Wow, this place is amazing,” Steven quipped after they’d settled in. He was standing by the house’s large terrace that had a terrific view of the orchards and vineyards. Not far from that, he could also see the lake and the sea and if he strained a little bit harder, he could almost hear the sound of waves crashing onto the beaches.

“They recently renovated this house so yes, it is really amazing,” Xabi said as he stood right beside Steven.

Taking in a long deep breath, he then leaned his head slightly backwards and closed his eyes. Unknowing to him, Steven had stolen a quick glance at the Spaniard but quickly turned his head around to face the breathtaking view in front of them once again when Xabi opened his eyes.

“Yer know what? I’m glad I took yer advice to come here.”

“I’m glad too,” Xabi smiled. “It’s beautiful here, Steven. And do you know? If you were to be here in late August, there will be an international festival on photojournalism. You would definitely like to be here when that happens.”

“Really?” Steven said. “I’d like that but too bad that I would be back in England by then.”

“Si, it’s disappointing you won’t be here for that,” Xabi said although truthfully, the disappointment went further than just about Steven missing the event.

During their journey, Steven had fallen asleep a couple of times and Xabi could not help but took the opportunity that he’d been given to steal quick glances at him. He’d noticed how peaceful he’d looked while he’d slept and his slightly parted lips looked really delectable and kissable and the images which had invaded his head at that moment had made Xabi realised he was having a slight infatuation with Steven. But Xabi knew better that it was such an understatement. He’d questioned himself for having those thoughts about Steven because it was the first time he’d ever thought about anyone like that before in his life and trying desperately not to let it slowly creep into his mind again, Xabi quickly said the first thing he could think of.

“You know, you wanted to go to The La Couvertoirade.”

“The what?” Steven asked puzzled.

“The La Couvertoirade, Steven. It’s on your list of places to visit. You wanted me to take you there but that place is a bit far from where we are staying. We would need to drive there and…”

“Wait, yer actually remembered that’s on me list?” Steven cut him off as if surprised Xabi had actually remembered that little detail.

“Well, it’s not really easy to forget. You’d looked really excited the first day you were in Paris and how can I forget that? You said ‘you can drive me down there right, Xabi’? I remembered you saying that. It was practically like an order.”

Steven turned bright red when he’d remembered how he’d acted the first day he’d arrived in Paris, the warm flush painting his cheeks clearly. He hid his face in his hands at once and then after a while, he lifted his eyes up to meet Xabi’s. “I looked like a silly little boy, didn’t I? A boy who obviously had never been anywhere alone and I must have looked really daft to yer.”

“Daft?” Xabi asked, and looking at him then, Steven realised Xabi did not quite understand the word and for the first time since he’d known him, Steven felt proud that he’d actually get to teach Xabi something about languages instead of the other way round all the time.

“It means silly or stupid like.”

“I see…but Steven, you are not silly or stupid, definitely not that.”

“Yes…I was just sayin’ I acted like a silly kid when I first came here and yer must think, God, what have I gotten myself into?” Steven said.

“To tell you the truth I did think that,” Xabi admitted and Steven’s face fell when he’d heard that. “Yer did?”

“Yes but not about you being silly!” Xabi clarified quickly. “But more about not knowing what to expect from you at all,”

“I see.”

“But now…”

“Now?” Steven asked, his voice eager and expectant. “Now what, Xabi?”

“Well now…it’s different. I think I’m glad we’ve met and that I chose you over the many students I could have chosen and I’m feeling sorry that soon this would all be over.”

Steven mulled about what Xabi had said and suddenly feeling nervous, he averted Xabi’s gaze that was somehow still fixed on him. He quietly told himself to stop analyzing everything Xabi had to say because it would drive him insane. But it wasn’t his nature to keep his feelings and thoughts to himself. Deciding he ought to ask Xabi what he’d really meant, Steven then braved himself to question the Spaniard.

“Xabi?”

“Yes?”

But before he could ask him anything, the house phone began to ring loudly interrupting his moment and Steven cursed silently underneath his breath.

Fuckin’ hell! Isn’t there a better time for that damn phone to ring??

“Hold on, Steven. Let me answer that. It must be Thierry. He said he would call us once he’d figured we’d arrived.”

“Right.”

Steven then saw him dashing towards the phone and after a few long minutes, which in turn had begun to annoy Steven, Xabi finally ended the conversation.

“What did he want” Steven asked rather rudely, not even bothering if his annoyance had shown. “Did he call just to check on us?”

“No, Thierry just said to enjoy ourselves while we’re here. He reminded me to take you down to the beach for a walk later on. It’s lovely at night. You’ll get to see the light from a nearby lighthouse. That will be really good for some picture taking.”

Hearing that, Steven immediately felt guilty. He had to admit that Thierry was indeed a nice person, in fact all of Xabi’s friends that he’d already met so far were nice and although he couldn’t quite figure out why he was so envious of Thierry in particular, Steven told Xabi to thank him the next time that he calls.

Later that evening as promised, after they had had a quick dinner at a nearby café, Xabi took Steven to the beach. They each rode bicycles, which were readily available for visitors, along the salt water lake or more commonly known as ‘étang’ which separated the village from the beaches there and Xabi was happy enough to answer all of Steven’s questions about the area all along the way.

“This place is famous for its local wine as it is an agricultural village. That’s why you can see the vineyards even from the house,” Xabi explained when Steven had asked about them as they passed along the étang. “It tastes really good.”

“Yeah, well, I should really give it a try before we leave!” Steven said and winked at Xabi as they reached the waterfront and parked their bicycles by the bike parking racks.

“I’m sure we can find some on the way back if the stores are still open,” Xabi simply answered, ignoring the little flirty gestures from Steven.

Stop thinking about him that way, Xabier! Is no good for you! And he’s not even flirting with you if you think that!

“Well that can wait, Xabi but look at this,” Steven gestured at the sea and the lighthouse he’d told him about. “This is so amazingly beautiful.”

Xabi was glad the lovely scenery had managed to grab Steven’s attention and in no time at all, he was already with his camera, busy clicking away to add on to his already impressive picture collection, while Xabi lazed on one of the beach chairs and continued to watch him intently. He didn’t know why his funny feelings for Steven had doubled since that morning when they’d set out for their journey. Maybe it was the place and the settings that had given this strange effect on him, Xabi thought. And so lost was he in his thoughts that he didn’t even realised Steven had returned to his side and was now happily making himself comfortable right beside the Spaniard.

“Steven, there are other available beach chairs over there,” Xabi complained when Steven took too much space until he had to scoot aside to make way for him. “Why are we crowding on this same chair?”

“Well I want to show yer me pictures!” Steven exclaimed and Xabi couldn’t say no to that. Secretly, he was enjoying the closeness they were sharing.

‘Well show them to me then,” he sighed but instead of passing his camera to Xabi, Steven simply put aside the gadget in his hand into his backpack and after closing it carefully, he leaned back and reclined further on the chair underneath him. Xabi was completely perplexed at his behaviour and started to nudge him on his shoulder.

“Steven, what are you doing? You’re supposed to show me the pictures. Why are you lying down now? And you are taking too much of my space!”

“Xabi?” Steven said with his eyes closed, ignoring Xabi’s complaints.

“What?” Xabi’s voice was pure annoyance now but he managed to keep his calm. “What is it now?”

"How do I say, ‘I want to Kiss yer’ in French?”

Xabi wasn’t really sure whether he had actually heard Steven correctly the first time.

“Excuse me? What did you say?”

Steven then leaned up slightly and rested his chin against his palm before repeating his question. “I said how do yer say ‘I want to kiss yer’ in French?”

“Why do you want to know that?” Xabi asked curiously. “Of all the things you want to learn, you want to learn that?”

“Well, while I was takin’ those pictures, I figured how I would say that if I were to meet the love of my life here in France.”

“You thought about that while taking your pics?”

Steven grinned and shrugged. “Well I had thought about it ever since we’d talked about finding love at the most unexpected moments. Yer remember that conversation we had that night? About Thierry and his gay ways and him fancyin’ yer and all that stuff. Yer remember that?”

Xabi gulped. He didn’t know why but remembering that conversation now made his insides churn. He’d be lying if he were to say he hadn’t thought about it time and again ever since the first time they’d talked about it. But why was Steven bringing it up now?

“Well I do remember it,” Xabi replied softly. “What about it?”

“I just thought what if I really find that person here, the person I’d love all my life. What would I say?”

“Well,” Xabi began slowly after his nervousness had ebbed away, “You can say she is the most beautiful person you’d ever seen.”

“But that is such a bad line, Xabi! I don’t want that!”

Xabi chuckled. “Si, it is bad, I agree.”

“So, Xabi, how’d yer say ‘I want to kiss yer’ in French?” Steven asked again, the insistence in his voice growing. “Tell me.”

Suddenly Xabi realised Steven had sat up completely and now their faces were level with each other. Being so close with him was making Xabi lose his focus and true enough, before he could even stop himself, he’d given Steven the wrong translation.

“It is yo quiero besarte, Steven. It’s yo quiero besarte.”

“Eh, Xabi,” Steven interrupted with one raised eyebrow. “I know I'm not good with me French, but I do know that's Spanish," he grinned. “Am I right?”

Xabi, red faced after realising the mistake he'd made, tried to cover up his embarrassment by being casual and tried to turn the table back on Steven. "But which one do you think is the sexier language? Spanish of French?"

"Well," Steven murmured, his voice suddenly low and husky and Xabi was sure he’d leaned in closer against him than before, "Yer’re gonna have to say it in French first before I can decide. Say it in French, please?”

Xabi wasn't expecting Steven to be so brave for his own heart was about to explode from his chest! Why did he even think he'd win against Steven he'd no idea. But gathering his own courage, he motioned for Steven to come nearer and then, not knowing what had come over him, he pulled Steven closer by his shirt collar, their faces now only inches apart and whispered the words Steven had wanted to hear in his ear.

"It is J'ai envie de t'embrasser, Steven. Say it,” he whispered.

"J'ai envie de t'embrasser," Steven said, his voice not losing confidence but definitely Xabi could sense a little tremor in his tone. "J'ai envie de t'embrasser, did I say it right?" he breathed.

"Si, you did. Is good," he smiled.

He leaned slightly back to create the much needed space between them or else Xabi was sure he would pass out. He realised even breathing was difficult then.

“So do yer want to know which is sexier?”

If Xabi had thought Steven would simply stop after he’d gotten what he’d wanted then he was wrong. He had leaned in close again and Xabi couldn’t react fast enough when Steven reached out a finger to trace his lower lip. Xabi was frozen to the spot by his actions, unable to comprehend what was happening.

“Steven?” Xabi whispered. “What are you doing?”

“Do yer want to know which is sexier, Xabi?”

"Si,” Xabi murmured with his voice barely audible, unable to stand the tension any longer. “Which is sexier, Steven? Spanish or French?"

And before he could figure what was happening, before he realised he’d been pushed down against the chair and felt warm lips pressing on his, making his mind go blank, Xabi was convinced Steven had said "Spanish, definitely Spanish."

French and Spanish word references :

Comment êtes-vous ce matin - How are you this morning
Je vais bien, merci - I'm fine, thank you
Je suis heureux que vous vous amusez - I'm glad you're having fun
yo quiero besarte - I want to kiss you
J'ai envie de t'embrasser - I want to kiss you

s/x fic - Love Will Find A Way (Part 3/8)

2009-09-03T14:47:22Z

Title : Love Will Find A Way (Part 3/8)
Pairing : Steven Gerrard/Xabi Alonso
Rating : PG13
Summary : Steven discovers something new that made him think things about Xabi.
Disclaimer : This is a story contrived from my imagination. Mistakes are all mine.
Warnings : Love and romance.
Feedbacks : Yes please if you don't mind?
A/N : The third chapter is up. I've written this pretty quickly so I hope it's okay. Thanks to suerta_lina for the French words again! I really do appreciate it, sweetie! *hugs*

Part 1
Part 2

Love Will Find A Way (Part 3/8)

What the hell is wrong with yer? Just because he said yer’ve got a dazzlin’ smile and that it should be captured in paintin’ doesn’t mean yer’ve to lie in bed with yer fuckin’ eyes open and yer mouth grinnin’ and think of him in that way yer’re thinkin’ about now! I mean, what the hell, Stevie? Get a fuckin’ grip! And for goodness sake’s, yer’ve only known him for one day!

Steven sighed as he recalled in his head what Xabi had said. His arms were folded underneath his head, as he laid there and stared at the ceiling of Xabi’s guest bedroom, thinking about Xabi and how exasperated he’d gotten whilst teaching him French and the way he’d gotten annoyed, his face flushed red when he couldn’t take his teasing and God, he’d looked fucking adorable and now Steven could not get his face off his mind. And it was all because of his words.

“Your smile should be captured in painting.”

The words were simple enough but the way it was said, so spontaneous and honest, had made it seemed so poetic to Steven. Perhaps it was the setting, of him being in that city and that language Xabi was teaching him that had made it all more meaningful? Not getting the answers he was searching for, Steven turned to his side and hid his face underneath the pillows.

“Stop thinkin’ about it! It’s not like it’s anythin’ romantic, yer dickhead!” he scolded himself. “And romantic? Yer must be out of yer mind!” he groaned.

But the more Steven had tried to ignore it, the more he’d thought about Xabi and his words and his ways and truthfully, he’d never really met anyone quite like him.

What do yer mean yer’ve never met anyone like Xabi? Yer’ve got Spanish friends back home too, what’s so different about Xabi when compared to them? He’s the same like all yer other friends too, right? He’s the same!

“No he isn’t, he’s just different,” Steven whispered softly in the stillness of the night and as he closed his eyes, with that silly little smile still playing on his lips, Xabi’s endearing face was the last thing that he saw before sleep finally took over him.

“Stevie? Why the hell are yer callin’ me at 8.30am in the mornin’?”

Steven had decided to ring on Jamie the next morning and he could hear rustlings in the background as his friend continued to complain about the timing of his phone call. He’d gotten ready for another outing in the city with Xabi but he’d been meaning to call Jamie and while he waited for his Spanish friend to get ready, Steven had taken the opportunity to finally do what he’d wanted to do all night.

“Oh come on, Jamie. It’s not that early, right? And it’s not like yer’re still sleepin’ or anythin’ like that. And…”

“Okay, Stevie,” Jamie quickly interrupted him because he knew Steven could go on and on if he didn’t stop his ramblings. “Why are yer callin’ me, really?”

“Oh, it’s wrong to call yer nowadays?” Steven said feigning hurt. “Yer’re hurtin’ me feelin’s here!”

“Stevie, I don’t have time for this!”

Steven was lying on his stomach on the bed with his feet propped up, chin resting against his hand as he heard Jamie grumbled again through the phone. It was really fun annoying his best friend so early in the morning and the response he’d gotten from Jamie merely spurred him on.

“Have yer forgotten me, Jamie?” he went on teasing.

“Stevie! Will yer just get to the point, please?” Jamie groaned, knowing fully well there was something in his friend’s mind. “What’s up?!”

“I just wanted to see how things are back home, that’s all. Is anyone missin’ me while I’m gone?”

“Yer wish!” Jamie cried. “And for fuck’s sakes, Stevie, yer’ve only been away for how long, two days?! And yer know what? Yer can fool a lot of people but yer can’t fool me. Yer’ve somethin’ up yer mind, right? Now go on and tell me what’s up or else I’m gonna hang up on yer. Me and Pete are goin’ to Dublin this mornin’ so I’ve to leave soon, and my bags are not even packed yet!”

“Hey, hey, wait a minute, yer all are goin’ without me? That’s not fair! We’re supposed to go there together!”

Steven and Jamie, along with Pete their college mate, had planned all summer to drive up to Dublin to meet up with Robbie, an old school friend, but it never materialized but now when he wasn’t there, they were finally going and that added to Steven’s disappointment.

“Yer all are really leavin’ without me?”

“Hey, look whose arse is in Paris and not down here in Liverpool! So don’t go complainin’ stuff to me, yer know we’ve planned this for weeks!”

“Ah fuck, I know that. But why now? Why when I’m not there?”

“Pete’s finalised everythin’ with Robbie and well…this weekend’s the best time to go, Stevie. I’m sorry. I know it looks like we’re ditchin’ yer but we’re not, we’re really not,” Jamie explained.

“That’s alright,” Steven answered. But he wasn’t good at hiding his disappointment and Jamie had already sensed the change of tone in Steven’s voice and the last thing he’d wanted was to make his friend feel bad.

“So what’s up, Stevie? Why are yer really callin’ me, eh?” he then asked him again gently because he knew Steven had something on his mind when he’d rung him. “Do yer want to tell me about it now?”

“What? There’s really nothin’ to tell. Can’t I even call my friends now?”

“Stevie, why are yer callin’ me? Or are yer gonna wait until next year to tell me this?”

Steven groaned. Jamie was his best friend and he’d always told him everything, every little secret, every little problem and truthfully, he wouldn’t have survived college without Jamie. There was no point in hiding anything from him because eventually in the end, he’d always know if he was keeping anything from his knowledge.

“Well…actually,” Steven began and then he paused for a couple of seconds before continuing, “Well yer see, I’m stayin’ with this Spanish lad while I’m here in Paris and…”

“And what?” Jamie interrupted. “I bet he’s getting’ on yer nerves, isn’t he? That’s why yer’re callin’ me, to moan about him.”

“No, fuck no…it’s not like that at all! Xabi…that’s his name by the way, he’s…he’s just great.”

“And?? So what’s the matter then?” Jamie asked exasperatedly.

“Well…yer see…”

But before Steven could explain why he was really calling Jamie, he suddenly saw Xabi’s handsome face, he didn’t believe he’d just thought him as handsome, poking through his bedroom’s door and it startled him so much he almost dropped the phone in his hand to the floor.

“You okay, Steven?” Xabi asked, curious at his jumpy behaviour. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, everythin’s fine,” he answered as he quickly sat down by the edge of the bed. “I’m fine.”

Xabi then explained that he was all set to leave and Steven nodded and told him he’d be ready in a minute.

“Ah fuck, Jamie, I’ve got to go,” he then said to his friend after Xabi had left. “I’ll talk to yer soon, okay? And don’t yer lads have too much fun without me, eh?”

“Likewise, Stevie, likewise! And make sure yer don’t go round snoggin’ them French ladies while yer’re there!”

“I’m not!” Stevie cried defiantly, not really believing Jamie had even suggested that. In fact, snogging French ladies would be the last thing on his mind.

“Well good on yer then!” Jamie laughed upon hearing Steven’s grumblings. “But yer do know yer need to get yerself a love life, Stevie? Yer what, twenty two now? And yer don’t even have a girlfriend!”

Steven merely rolled his eyes hearing Jamie’s nagging and scoffed. “I don’t need me a girlfriend. I don’t. Not now.”

“Okay yer can tell me more about them girls and how we’re gonna get yer one when I return, alright? And make sure to tell that Spanish lad to keep a good eye on yer. I know yer cheeky ways may get yerself into trouble sometimes.”

“Oh my God, yer’re really soundin’ like me dad now, Jamie. Now just go will yer?” Steven ordered his friend before they finally hang up on each other.

“So where shall we go today?” Xabi asked Steven as he unlocked the doors to his car.

They’d taken the elevator to the apartment’s basement where the tenants normally parked their vehicles and while Xabi had grappled for his car keys, Steven’s eyes had roamed around the parking space. Looking around, he’d immediately understood why Smart cars were a popular choice there. He’d noticed the driveways leading to the basements in the buildings in Paris were very narrow and he doubted any larger car would be able to fit unless the owners were willing to see their cars get scratched every now and then. And even along the streets, the case was the same, where cars were parked so close together it was almost impossible for one not to get a dent on one’s car.

“Steven? Where do you want to go today?”

Steven suddenly realised that while his mind had wandered, he’d actually gotten into Xabi’s car and that Xabi was now repeating his earlier question, pulling him out of his thoughts.

“Oh sorry for that, Xabi, my mind was somewhere else.”

Hearing that, Xabi wanted to ask him “where’s your mind at?” because he’d seen him rather preoccupied with his thoughts since early that morning but he never managed to do so because Steven had started talking eagerly as he opened his little Paris booklet which Xabi had given him the day before.

“So where do yer think we should go then?”

Xabi saw Steven skimming through the pages back and forth and decided he should help him make a choice or they’ll never get started for the day.

“We went to the Louvre yesterday so I’m not sure whether you want to go to another art museum today. Perhaps you want to go some place else? Or do you want to go to Eifel?”

“Oh no, can we go there on my last day here instead? I want to save that for last. Can we, Xabi?”

Steven’s answer when Xabi had suggested they’d go to Eifel was almost immediate, like he’d decided that he’d want to visit the famous tower last even before coming to Paris and as Xabi sat there facing him, he saw it again, his pleading blue eyes looking right at him and suddenly Xabi wondered at the rate they were going, he’d never win any arguments with him. But of course he could not disappoint him, he did not want to disappoint him, so in the end he happily agreed to whatever it was that Steven wanted.

“In that case, why don’t we go to Notre Dame then?” he suggested to the excited shriek of delight from Steven.

“Oohh! That’ll be great, Xabi! Gargoyles! I can see the Gargoyles! They’re famous for that! And it’d look good in photographs if I could get a good shot at them.”

“Yes they are,” Xabi chuckled as he saw Steven putting his seatbelt on in a hurry. “And I’ll drive us today. It’s easier and well it’s the weekend and we’re setting off early so there won’t be a lot of cars on the road.”

“Anythin’ yer say, Xabi. I’m just fine with it,” Steven answered and leaned his head back against the headrest as Xabi’s car took them out of the building and towards their intended destination.

“So do all famous buildings here have their own private gardens or something?”

Steven’s funny little comment made Xabi laugh. They’d visited the famous cathedral and were now walking through the cathedral’s flower garden located right behind it when Steven had made that remark.

“No, I don’t think so, Steven but it’s not wrong to have one, is it?”

“No, it’s not wrong of course and I’m not sayin’ that it’s wrong,” Steven answered while he snapped a couple more pictures of the famous place, making sure his shots had all the details captured in them.

“Then why did you say that?” Xabi asked after Steven had put aside his camera. But instead of answering him, Steven only stared at the Spaniard and smiled, heightening Xabi’s curiosity.

“Why are you smiling?” Xabi questioned, feeling a little uneasy at Steven’s stare, although he did not mind looking at his charming smile one bit. In fact he could stare at it all day. “Steven?”

“I know what yer’re thinkin’, Xabi,” Steven then said, “Yer think I’m assumin’ again, aren’t yer? Just because both places that I’d visited so far had gardens, I’m assumin’ all the famous places in Paris would have gardens, that’s what yer’re thinkin’.”

“Well, yes…I think maybe you are assuming again,” Xabi replied with a shrug. “But then I’m right, aren’t I? And you just assumed that I assumed you are assuming…again.”

“As strange as that sounded, I think yer’re right,” Steven laughed.

They then continued walking, chatting and making jokes with each other while Steven took more pictures until they’d reached the exit gate at the end of the garden when suddenly, Steven stopped in his tracks without any warning, making Xabi almost bumped into him.

“Steven! Why are you suddenly stopping?”

Turning around, Steven motioned for Xabi to move back a couple of steps.

“Can you stand over there on that little footpath? I want to take a picture of yer with Notre Dame as the background.”

“But why do you want to take a picture of me?” Xabi argued. “You should be taking the scenery of the area or the garden or the trees…”

“Xabi, will yer just pose?” Steven cut him off. “My photographs need to cover all aspects, not just the buildings or sceneries but the people too, right? And yer’re gonna have to be my main model since yer’re the only person that I know around here so…just fuckin’ pose for me!”

“Wow, you are very demanding, do you know that?” Xabi complained as he took his position and before he even knew it, Steven had already clicked his camera to capture a few shots of him.

“Hey, I was not even ready!” he complained after the Englishman said he was done with his pictures. “Why did you take it when I wasn’t ready?”

“I wanted it to be candid,” Steven grinned. “And don’t worry, Xabi. It still is a good picture! Look.”

And Steven was indeed right. From what Xabi had seen of Steven’s pictures so far, it was unmistakable that he’s got a really good eye for photography. All the shots he’d taken were always unique and seemed to reflect the picture’s most perfect moment.

“I’ve to say it’s great, Steven. Your pictures are always really, really good.”

“But you’re the one that made this look good,” Steven replied and only after he’d said it did he realise what he’d just said. “Ahh, Xabi…yer do know what I mean.” He was scratching his head, trying to be casual to hide his embarrassment but luckily for him, Xabi did not think anything of what he’d said much to his relief.

“We’ve to come here again at night, the lighting would be more beautiful for your pictures. When the cathedral is illuminated, it looks much more spectacular. And the gargoyles seem like they are alive in a different lighting.”

“Yes, yes, that’s a good idea, Xabi. We definitely need to come back then,” Steven murmured.

As they made their way out of the garden and walked towards Xabi’s car that was parked by the side of the road, Steven cursed silently at himself. How stupid was he to let his tongue slip like that? He would need to be more careful the next time round but it was certainly hard for Xabi was slowly but surely invading his thought process and it was infuriating him to no end.

“Hey, Xabi, Steven! Bonjour! We meet again!”

When he’d heard that voice calling their names, Steven thought it had sounded strangely familiar. And when he looked up he could not believe he was seeing Thierry, Xabi’s friend whom they’d met at the Louvre the day before walking up towards them. Why on earth was he here again?

“Oh my fuckin’ God, it’s him again! Is he followin’ us or somethin’?” Steven grumbled in Xabi’s ear when he saw him approaching them.

“Of course not, Steven, don’t be ridiculous. It’s just a coincidence,” Xabi answered but Steven could tell that wasn’t the case.

“Notre Dame today, Xabi?” Thierry began as he stopped right in front of them. “It’s Notre Dame today.”

“Si, Steven wanted to visit this today,” Xabi answered and Steven thought his voice had sounded rather flat. And if his eyes weren’t fooling him, he was sure Xabi had sent his friend an intense glare.

“It is a good choice for photography definitely this place,” Thierry then said jovially, switching his attention from Xabi to Steven. But Steven wasn’t in the mood to be chatty because he could not shake off the feeling that Thierry had somehow bumped into them on purpose.

“It’s funny we’ve met each other twice in a row now,” Steven started.

“Yes, it is kind of strange!” Thierry quipped.

“I wonder if we’ll bump into yer again tomorrow. I’d like to go to south of France tomorrow, Xabi, so will we bump into him again tomorrow when we’re there?”

His tone was definitely bordering on sarcasm and Xabi pulled him slightly back from Thierry whose snigger had seemed to grow wider by the minute.

“Steven?!”

“What, Xabi? I’m just sayin’?”

“It’s okay, Xabi…Steven must know that we almost always bump into each other in Paris!”

“Eh, what do yer mean by that? Xabi?” Steven asked not quite understanding what was happening.

“Thierry, tu es incroyable!” Xabi suddenly hissed and Steven stared at both friends in amazement as they soon started to speak in French, and before long he’d begun to get angry at himself for not being able to understand a word they were saying.

“Ahh, Xabi, il est plutôt mignon! No wonder you’d picked him,” Thierry winked as he quickly walked off, leaving Xabi red faced and Steven dumbstruck.

“Xabi, what’s goin’ on? What’s he sayin’?”

“Ahh, Steven, please, I’ll explain it to you when we get home, si? But for now, let’s just get home first.”

Lunch was forgotten when they’d finally reached Xabi’s apartment. Steven had demanded straightaway for Xabi to explain what his friend had talked about and Xabi only obliged, knowing fully well he owed him an explanation.

“When you asked me about Thierry yesterday, I was a little bit worried because, because you were right about him. Thierry is gay. And then when you said that he liked me…I got worried again because you were right, again.”

“Fuck me, so I’m right! He does like yer!” Steven exclaimed with wide eyes.

They were sitting in the kitchen, both of them propped up on the little stools against the kitchen counter facing each other as Xabi continued explaining to Steven about Thierry.

“Well, you see when I first met him a few years ago, he did have a crush on me, but that was about it.”

“Did yer like him back?” Steven asked instantaneously. Jealousy had crept through his veins when he’d heard that Thierry had actually fancied Xabi.

Bloody hell, that Frenchman did fancy him!

“No, not the way that he’d hoped for. And I am not like him. I don’t like him that way, Steven.”

“Yer mean yer’re not gay,” Steven said straight to the point.

“No. No I’m not like that, I don’t think so. Anyway going back to the main topic, I do like him as a friend because he is really nice and friendly.”

“Hah! Of course he’s nice to yer, Xabi. That’s because he likes yer!”

Steven’s statement had made Xabi blush and he quickly looked down, away from Steven’s eyes and towards his fidgety hands on the kitchen counter.

“I’m right again, aren’t I, Xabi?” Steven questioned when Xabi kept silent.

“No, no! Thierry really is a nice person,” Xabi answered in his defense. “And not just because he’d liked me. If you get to know him, you’ll see that he really is a great person.”

“Yeah, okay. But all this still doesn’t answer my question. Why was he followin’ us around? How did he know we’d be in Notre Dame and what did he mean when he’d said he understood why yer picked me?”

Taking in a deep breath, Xabi then explained to Steven how he had texted Thierry to tell him where they’d be that morning.

“He’d asked me where I’ll be today so I told him we’d be going to Notre Dame.”

“So that’s how he knew we’d be there.”

“Si,” Xabi answered.

“And he came there to bump into us for what?”

If Xabi had planned to hide anything at all from Steven, he realised now that he simply could not do that because Steven was being really relentless with his questions. Like it or not, he would have to answer to him.

“When he’d found out that I’d volunteered to host an exchange student for this program and when he’d learned that I’d chosen you, he’d somehow had this crazy idea that I’d chosen you because…because…”

“Because what, Xabi?”

With a gulp, Xabi slowly let Steven know the reason.

“Ahh, Thierry kept sayin’ that he thinks that I’m…that I’m bi and that I’d chosen you because that I liked you.”

“Yer wha-at?”

That last bit of detail made Steven’s heart jumped. He’d felt a strange tingly sensation creeping down his spine and suddenly he could not look at Xabi in the eye.

Fuckin’ hell! What’s happenin’ here? He can’t like me! He’d just said he wasn’t gay! But then he could be bi! But what would that mean? And why the hell are yer freakin’ out?

“Steven?”

Timidly, Steven looked up once again and saw that Xabi was now looking at him with earnest eyes.

“Thierry saw me reading your profile. He then saw your profile picture when I’d left it on my desk one day and after that, he’d constantly teased me about it. I told him that I had to choose my guest and Steven, you must know that I had chosen you because of your background. You’re from Liverpool and I’ve always loved football and Liverpool especially and to get to meet a true Scouser like you was the real reason why I picked you! I’d want to hear about your experiences during football matches and Anfield nights and all that. But somehow Thierry thought it was about something else.”

“But why would he think it that way at all?” Steven asked perplexed.

“I do not know!” Xabi answered, throwing his arms up in the air. “He says that he can read my mind like an open book and I hate it when he says that. I don’t know why he thinks it really. I really don’t.”

“And yer hate him because he’s always right about yer?”

Steven had hit the bull’s eye because he then saw Xabi nodding in agreement.

“Unfortunately yes, mostly he is. He’s always right about me but he is definitely wrong about this! Definitely!”

Steven tried not to let his disappointment show when he’d heard that last sentence. At the same time he tried to grasp everything Xabi had told him because he’d never expected anything remotely like this when he’d first met Xabi. It was simply unreal.

“So that’s why it took such a long time for yer to introduce him to me yesterday. Yer were worried he’d blurt out this stuff at me,” Steven continued after a moment.

“Yes.”

“And yesterday at the Louvre, he planned to bump into us?”

“Something like that, yes.”

“Wow, he really is somethin’ else,” Steven slowly whispered.

“Steven, please believe me, this is all a big misunderstanding. And I didn’t think he’d go all out with his teasing and joking around. Thierry is funny like that. He’s a bit loco of course, but he’s a good person.”

Xabi looked really sorry when he’d said that. And Steven felt bad that he was feeling bad. He knew it wasn’t Xabi’s fault. Without really giving it much thought, he reached out and patted his shoulder to reassure him that he was fine with everything.

“Xabi, it doesn’t matter. I feel a bit funny but I’m not upset. And even if yer’re indeed like what Thierry had said, it wouldn’t matter to me. I’d still be yer friend. I think.”

“You think?” Xabi questioned and Steven quickly corrected his words. “No, what I mean is, I’m sure I’d still be yer friend. I’m not a bigot.”

“Okay then, Steven, I’m glad to know that,” Xabi answered in relief.

And after that, for once since they’d met at the airport, words were lost on them. Both did not really know what quite to say after Xabi’s little revelation. But soon after that, it was Xabi that broke the eerie silence.

“Steven?”

“Yes?”

“What about you?”

Steven raised an eyebrow at Xabi’s question. “What about me?”

“Are you…are you?”

“Am I gay?”

Xabi nodded. “Are you?”

“No…no, I don’t think so I am.”

“Okay,” Xabi answered quietly. He was about to get up from his seat when Steven stopped him.

“But wait, Xabi…”

“What is it?” Xabi asked. He’d taken his seat once again. “Steven?”

“I’ve been with girls of course if yer want to know,” Steven slowly began. He didn’t know why he was explaining himself to Xabi but felt like he needed to do so after what Xabi had told himself. “They fascinate me to no end but other than that I’ve never really been in a serious relationship. Damn, I’m fuckin’ twenty two years old and I’ve never been in a serious relationship!”

“But it’s not like you are thirty, Steven. It’s alright I think,” Xabi said reassuringly with a smile.

“I know but me friends, especially Jamie me best mate constantly think I need to get me self a love life. Me parents too sometimes.”

“Don’t you want to?” Xabi questioned but Steven’s answer that he’d gotten was without much conviction.

“Of course I do want it but I’ve never really thought about it. Not really.”

“Maybe you’ll find one here?”

Xabi’s suggestion made Steven laugh heartily.

“Why are you laughing? Is it not possible?”

“Hah, that would be really apt now, won’t it, Xabi? Paris is the city of love so it would only be natural for me to find love here!”

“Si,” Xabi smiled. “And who knows, perhaps love will find you instead?”

Steven had no idea how true Xabi’s words were. And he had no clue how amazingly accurate his next few words would be too.

“Maybe. Yeah maybe, Xabi…when it finds yer it just finds yer, right? Yer don’t really need to look for it and it just finds yer. It’s just right there in front of yer.”

Xabi then smiled as he repeated Steven’s words, unaware that love was indeed about to hit their two unwitting souls in the most unimaginable way possible.

“It certainly is, Steven. You don’t need to look very far because it’s just there in front of you.”

Just open your eyes, open your eyes a little bit wider and you’ll find it.

French words reference :
** Tu es incroyable! - You are unbelieavable!
** Il est plutôt mignon - He's rather cute

S/X Fic - Love Will Find A Way (Part 2/8)

2009-08-30T13:38:19Z

Title : Love Will Find A Way (Part 2/8)
Pairing : Steven Gerrard/Xabi Alonso
Rating : PG13
Summary : It's the first day around Paris and Xabi takes Steven to the Louvre. And Steven learns his first few French words.
Disclaimer : This is a story contrived from my imagination.
Warnings : Love and romance.
Feedback : I'd love to hear your feedback and comments. It keeps me going.
A/N : I hope this is ok. Thanks to suerta_lina for the French words! I really do appreciate it, sweetie! *hugs*

Part 1

Love Will Find A Way

“The Louvre is such a fuckin’ palace! I want to come here again.”

Xabi eyed Steven curiously. They’d just exited one of the most famous museums in the world, having been in there and around it’s vicinity for hours, snapping photographs and learning more about the art that was being displayed there and on Steven’s part, he’d taken down valuable notes for his assignments, and all throughout, Xabi had noticed his guest’s enthusiasm had tripled instead of subsiding ever since they’d arrived there hours earlier.

They’d taken the metro to the Louvre, because Xabi had said they’d get stuck in traffic if he was to drive and Steven had only agreed happily when he had suggested so.

“I don’t care how we go there as long as yer take me there! By bus, metro, car, whatever! I’ll just follow yer wherever, Xabi! But we need to get startin’! Don’t want to waste any time, mate!”

Steven’s choice of words had amused Xabi to no end and up till then, he was still doing it. His eagerness and curiosity was akin to an excited little boy, and his eyes, Xabi noticed them to be the bluest of blue, seemed to light up whenever he’d talked eagerly about the things that had struck his interest and each and every time, Xabi could not help but get absorbed by him.

They had walked towards the Tuileries Garden, not a few hundred metres away from across the museum’s courtyard and after Steven had grumbled that he was getting hungry again, Xabi had suggested they’d get something to eat from a nearby street vendor. And not long after, they each had with them a piece of baguette sandwich and a cup of cold lemonade in their hands.

“The Louvre is literally a palace, Steven, a palace of art. But do you know that it’s also referred to as the palace of kings and a temple of the arts?” Xabi explained as he took a last bite of his sandwich. “It used to be a palace for the royalties back then. And I must say I was amazed when I first saw it, the architecture and the surroundings. It just leaves you a bit breathless, no?”

“It sure does,” Steven agreed as he chucked his sandwich wrapper into a nearby bin.

They’d sat on a bench nearby the garden’s famous fountain and after they’d finished their snacks, they’d continued sitting there while watching little children enjoying themselves, playing and running around it, looking like they were having a great time without a care in the world.

Seeing them, Steven suddenly wished he was a little boy again. The cool summer breeze blowing against their faces was gentle and calming and Steven took in a deep breath as he leaned his head back and closed his eyes. He tried to soak in the fact that he was actually there now, at a place where he’d always dreamed of visiting.

“Am still catching me breath here, Xabi,” he murmured softly. “I still can’t believe I’m here.”

Then as he opened his eyes slowly, Steven stared in amazement at the splendid building before him once again. “That building there, that’s some architecture. I still can’t figure out how they’d build that years ago. It’s amazing! I want to come here again,” he whispered as if talking to himself and when he turned his head to look at Xabi, he saw that the Spaniard was smiling at him.

“I know what you mean about coming back here again. I’ve been here a couple of times too. You can never get enough with only one visit. You need to come back for a second, third, fourth time. Once is not enough.”

“How lucky are yer, eh?” Steven quickly interrupted before Xabi had the chance to go on. “I mean, yer can come here whenever yer want! It’s just a few minutes away from yer place. It’s just there if yer want to go. It’s not fair really if yer ask me!”

Xabi laughed hearing Steven’s somewhat childish comments and patted his shoulder in kind. “We’ll come here again before you leave, that’s my promise to you. I’ll take you here again, okay?”

“Yer promise?” Steven asked, his blue eyes almost pleading and for a spit second, Xabi wondered who on earth would have the strength to say no to those eyes.

“I promise.”

After a while, they continued sitting there as they enjoy being in each other’s company and the beautiful surroundings around them. Xabi had never thought he would actually enjoy visiting a place he’d been to on several occasions before and he was secretly surprised how much fun he’d had so far with Steven.

Even though they’d just met, it had been barely a day of getting to know Steven, he felt strangely at ease with him. Yes, Steven’s questions and persistence and the way he’d liked to assume things about him had annoyed Xabi but somehow, he’d gotten used to it and he had to admit that he kind of liked Steven. All they’d done while they’d walked in the museum earlier while Steven had taken pictures was talked about their family and friends and their hobbies which was art and more art, and to some that would not be a perfect way to spend a day, some might even think it’s boring, but not to Xabi. He had actually enjoyed his day with Steven immensely.

He sneaked a look at his new friend who was then busy snapping a few pictures of the garden, at the same time taking shots of children running around the fountain and when Xabi saw him convincing some of the little ones to pose for his camera, he chuckled.

“What did you say to them to make them pose for you?” Xabi asked when Steven returned to his side.

Steven only shrugged his shoulders. “I just said, ‘Bonjour, can you kids pose for me?’ and point to me camera. They somehow understood me!”

“I bet they did,” Xabi grinned.

“Here, let me show yer the pictures I’ve taken.”

Steven then scooted nearer besides Xabi on the bench and eagerly showed him the pictures he’d taken, from the ones in the museum to the latest ones he’d captured in the garden. And what Xabi saw really impressed him.

“Wow, Steven, your shots are really good I must say. The picture angles are really, really good. I’ve never taken pictures as good as these. These are really lovely,” Xabi praised as he scanned through his camera.

“Oh but I’m sure yers is excellent too, Xabi! But thanks, I do like me pictures too sometimes, well that’s what they keep tellin’ me, yer pictures are good Steven bla bla bla, so I guess I have to believe what people tell me at some point, right?” Steven beamed with a smile, and Xabi thought, hey, there’s that smile again, that smile that’s making him…Xabi couldn’t find the words for it and all he could do after that was to nod and smile back at the Englishman.

Just as he was about to say something, he heard someone calling his name and when he turned around, he saw that it was his college friend making his way towards them.

“Bonjour, Thierry!”

“Xabi! Qu'est-ce que tu fais là?"

After getting up from his seat to greet the boy who Steven assumed was his friend, he saw Xabi do something which was a little bit foreign to him. Of course the customary hug when one greets a friend was completely normal but when Xabi kissed his friend’s cheeks, he’d felt rather strange all of a sudden. He’d seen the Spanish lads back at his college greet each other like that before but somehow it was different when he’d seen Xabi doing it. Maybe it was the way he had his arms around the darker skinned boy, or maybe it was the way the other person was leaning in too close to Xabi, Steven could not tell. Perhaps seeing it up close, really close, was making it strange for him. Casting that aside, Steven then saw them engaged in a conversation, their speech spoken in rapid fire French and all the while Steven could only stare at Xabi in amazement.

“Damn, his French is good, not that I know what he’s talkin’ about but that bald headed lad sure does understand him!” he thought to himself.

After carefully putting aside his camera in his backpack, Steven then stood up and waited for Xabi to introduce him to his friend but after a few minutes, he realised that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon. Feeling rather annoyed that he was being ignored, Steven immediately sat back down and grumbled.

“I’m not fuckin’ invisible, Xabi!” he complained quietly as he glared at the two friends before him.

Always a person that gives attention to details, Steven saw that the slightly taller boy had shaved his hair really short until he could see his scalp and he’d always disliked anyone doing that.

“What’s the point of havin’ hair, mate, if yer’re gonna shave it all like that?” he continued to moan as he saw him whisper something in Xabi’s ear.

He couldn’t help but noticed then that the boy had very thick lips, not that he was actually looking but it was too noticeable not to notice it. And to his annoyance, this friend of Xabi’s was constantly leaning against him as he spoke to him and his arms were around Xabi’s shoulders all the time and for a moment Steven thought it was rather odd that he was being too touchy feely with Xabi.

“Get off him for a bit, eh? Yer’re too fuckin’ close to him!”

It was getting a bit too much for he’d sat there for almost a good five minutes alone and Xabi still hadn’t introduced him to his friend. He figured he’d give them a couple more minutes but after his patience had run out, and after he had contemplated to butt into their conversation did the Spaniard finally turned around to face him.

“Steven, I’m sorry, but this is my college friend, Thierry. Thierry this is Steven. And Steven, Thierry is…”

“Let me guess, he’s French,” Steven cut Xabi off and ignoring his annoyance at Xabi earlier, he quickly stood up and shook the Frenchmen’s outstretched hand. “Hi, nice to meet yer. I’m Steven but yer already know that.”

“Bonjour, Steven! Bienvenue à Paris!”

“Eh, what did yer say?”

“He says welcome to Paris, Steven,” Xabi quipped and Steven nodded duly.

“Oh thanks,” he replied sheepishly. “I’m enjoying it so far, I really do.” And as he’d said that, he secretly wished he’d taken his French lessons seriously.

“Xabi says you are from England,” Thierry said after a while.

“Yes, yes I’m from England. I’m from Liverpool actually,” Steven answered before giving a quick glance at Xabi. “So yer were tellin’ him about me, eh? That’s why yer took too long to introduce me to him,” Steven then said with a wink, and if Steven didn’t know any better, he was quite sure he’d made Xabi a little red faced.

Ignoring Steven’s teasing, Xabi simply replied, “Si, I did. I told Thierry that you are staying with me while you are here.”

“Oh yes, Steven, Xabi will be a very good host to you,” Thierry said. “He’ll see to it that you’ll have a good time here.”

“Thanks,” Steven answered. “He’s made me feel very welcomed so far. Xabi’s great,” he continued and smiled at Xabi who could only smile back in return.

“So you are here for two weeks, right?” Thierry asked again and Steven nodded. “Yes only two weeks. I know it’s a short time but it’s better than nothin’ at all.”

“And maybe one day all of us can go out and have drinks together sometime?”

“Of course, of course that’d be great, I’d love that,” Steven finally answered when Xabi had gestured for him to do so.

"Uhm, Xabi? Is that Thierry lad gay?"

They had just finished dinner and were relaxing in Xabi’s living room, listening to some nice soothing music while Xabi read some magazines when Steven had decided to start with a conversation that had taken Xabi completely by surprise. When he’d heard his seemingly innocent question, Xabi's eyes had gone wide and his mouth had opened and closed a few times, not really knowing what or how to answer Steven.

"Why are you even asking me that?" Xabi finally asked him after he’d found a way to make his brains work again. He narrowed his eyes as he asked him again. “Why even the question?”

"Well, ‘cause I think that he fancies yer, that’s why. I can see the look on his face when he looks and talks to yer,” Steven explained without hesitation.

Xabi on the other hand could only gape at Steven’s answer. “Wow, you are really something else, do you know that?”

“I am?” Steven said cheekily when he saw Xabi’s flustered face. “Thanks!”

“Steven, why do you say that?” Xabi demanded, not satisfied that Steven was getting away with his cheeky remarks. He immediately tossed the magazine he’d been reading onto the coffee table by the sofa’s side and then quickly jumped beside the Englishman, making him back up a bit against the sofa’s armrest.

“Tell me, why did you say it?” Xabi demanded.

“What? What did I say?” Steven pretended like he didn’t understand. Truthfully, he was really enjoying making Xabi squirm.

“You said that Thierry is gay. And that he liked me.”

“Oh that, well is he?” Steven challenged. And when Xabi didn’t answer, Steven grinned and leaned forward and bent his head down so that he could see Xabi’s eyes that were cast downwards. “He is, isn’t he?”

“Ah carajo!” Xabi muttered when he looked up to meet Steven’s eyes.

“Hey, wait a minute, I know that’s not a nice word,” Steven said in mock horror. “You just said somethin’ naughty, didn’t yer?”

“No, it’s not. I just swore in Spanish. You really ought to learn it,” Xabi answered greeting his teeth.

“Aww, Xabi, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make yer angry with me,” Steven giggled but not done yet with his teasing, Steven then leaned in and whispered in Xabi’s ear. “But…he is, isn’t he? Thierry’s gay, right?”

"Well, actually Steven, he is, are you happy now?" Xabi finally admitted with a loud sigh, unhappy he’d given in to Steven’s persistence.

"Hah, I knew it!" Steven exclaimed rather too loudly in his ear until Xabi had to push him slightly away. He then gave Steven an astonished look. “You can actually tell he’s gay just by looking at him?”

“Well I can’t really but the way he looks at yer, well a lad can’t look at a lad like the way he looked at yer ‘cause it was dead obvious he fancies yer! And his hands were all over yer. He fancies yer I tell yer.”

“He does not fancy me!” Xabi exclaimed and nudged Steven on the shoulder. He was grinning so widely, Xabi wished he could wipe the smirk off his face. “And I know that for a fact because…because he already has a partner.”

“Oh! Well…but, that doesn’t mean he can’t fancy yer. I mean I can understand if he does fancy yer. Yer’re not bad lookin’ yerself.”

Oh my god, Stevie, what did yer just say? Did yer even hear yer self sayin’ that? Fuck!

But when Xabi didn’t react to his smart remarks, Steven knew he was safe…for now. However, his brain and mouth somehow were not cooperating with each other because soon enough he started to tease the Spaniard again, making his face redder than it was before.

“But it is okay if he likes yer, Xabi. He’s not so bad.”

“Shut up, Steven. Why don’t you learn some language instead of talking nonsense?” Xabi had said when he couldn’t take Steven’s teasing any longer. But if Xabi had thought his harsh words would stop Steven from ever talking again that night, he was wrong.

To his amazement, and without any warnings, Xabi saw Steven making a dash into his designated bedroom and not a few seconds later, he was out again with a book in his hand.

“I thought yer’d never asked me about languages and stuff because I’d annoyed yer all night but here, see this? I got this from the bookstore in the museum.”

He thrust the book into Xabi’s hands and when Xabi saw the title of the book, he could not help but shake his head and smile.

“Learn French in Thirty Days?” Xabi laughed, almost forgetting the little banter they’d earlier had. “You cannot do that, Steven, it is almost impossible.”

“Well I know,” Steven answered scratching his head, “But yer can teach me, right? I hear yer talkin’ today and yer’re really good. So go on, just teach me some basic stuff, so that I won’t feel like a complete idiot the next time round.”

“Si, I can teach you some basic words.”

“Great! And for example, yer friend said somethin’ today when he’d asked us to go out and have drinks with him. And I didn’t understand what the hell he’d said. And when he first greeted me he said some French words too and that too I didn’t understand! I simply nodded and it made me feel really stupid!”

“Oh, Steven, don’t say that, you are not stupid. You just don’t know French. And what Thierry said was, welcome to Paris. That’s what he’d said to you at first. I’d explained it to you.”

“Right. But how’d yer say that again?”

“It is Bienvenue à Paris,” Xabi said, stressing the diction of his words. “Try and say it now.”

“Bienvenue à Paris,” Steven then repeated after him but Xabi only shook his head much to his disappointment. “What? Did I say that wrongly?”

“No is okay, but you need to close your lips a bit. It sounds a bit wrong.”

“What? Like how?” Steven asked, not quite getting what Xabi was trying to say.

“Don’t open your mouth so big when you are saying that.”

“Bienvenue à Paris. Like that?”

“No,” Xabi sighed and rolled his eyes.

After a couple of times, Steven was still getting it wrong and exasperated that he wasn’t getting what he was trying to tell him, Xabi instinctively pressed Steven’s lips together with his forefinger and thumb, surprising him completely, making the Englishman’s eyes went completely round at his actions.

“Hmmm…Xabi? What…are yer…doin’?” Steven tried to say but his voice was muffled as his lips were still between Xabi’s fingers.

“Steven, you are not listening to what I’m saying. You need to purse your lips a bit, like this…okay? And don’t open your mouth so wide.”

When Xabi had finally let go, Steven rubbed his lips where Xabi’s fingers had touched him. His skin was still tingling at the contact and Steven did not quite understand why he was feeling that. At once he pushed that little feeling aside because it wasn’t the time to be getting confused with whatever it was that he was feeling. But he couldn’t help but smirk at Xabi for what he’d done. And at the same moment Steven was having those funny little thoughts, Xabi too had realised his actions had been rather abnormal for his own normal standards. It was really Steven that was prompting him to do things he’d never done before in his life!

“Say it again now, and remember what I said, purse your lips and don’t open it too wide,” Xabi quickly moved in to smooth the little awkward moment. “Say it, Steven.”

“Bienvenue à Paris. Am I right this time?”

“Yes! You got it!” said the Spaniard triumphantly, his eyes shining at Steven like he’d managed to make his ‘A’ student pass an important exam. “You did it!”

“I did it!”

Steven’s smile was wide and so infectious that suddenly out of the blue, Xabi blurted out something he'd been thinking of ever since he'd met Steven earlier that morning, something he’d held back ever since then but now he simply had to say it for he could not hold it back any longer.

"Your smile is lovely, Steven. It should be captured in painting."

And after Xabi had said that, Steven, for the first time since he’d arrived in Paris, was rendered speechless.

s/x fic - Love Will Find A Way(Part 1/8)

2009-08-21T10:34:14Z

Title : Love Will Find A Way(Part 1/8)
Pairing : Steven Gerrard/Xabi Alonso
Rating : PG13
Summary : Steven, a final year art student from Liverpool goes to Paris under a student exchange program and meets Xabi who hosts him while he's there.
Disclaimer : This is a story contrived from my imagination.
Warnings : None really, just love and romance.
Feedback : I'd love to hear your feedback and comments. It keeps me going.
A/N : This is my first story since a while. It's AU and as usual it is about the boys I love so much. I hope this is alright because it's not easy writing them again after all that has happened. And as usual, tell me if I should go on with this.

Love Will Find A Way

There was something strangely Parisian when Steven Gerrard stepped out of the arrival hall at the Charles de Gaulle international airport. A satisfied smile adorned his lips as he inhaled the air around him, not that it was any different from back home in Liverpool, and when he looked at his passport, with that little stamp ‘Paris’ in the middle of one its pages, he knew exactly why it was hard to wipe that grin off his face.

He’d waited impatiently for that French immigration officer to stamp on his passport and the elderly man had done it eventually with a snort, not really happy at Steven’s insistence but he’d obliged anyway and now as Steven studied the little mark on his passport page again, he knew no one could take away the fact that he’d actually set foot in this famed city. The stamp was like a declaration of his presence in Paris and although he’d just arrived, he also couldn’t wait to go home at the end of his two weeks stay to show it to his friends.

Ever since he could remember, Steven had always wanted to visit the city, had always wanted to sample the chique lifestyle that he’d read of in books and magazines, where everything seemed to radiate style and substance. So when his university had offered him the opportunity via a special student exchange program, Steven had accepted it without any hesitance. He was in his final year and had applied for the program when he’d learned about it through his class lecturer, Mr. Green.

“Because of your talent and passion for art, they’d rewarded you that scholarship when you’d applied for this course. And honestly, your portfolio is one of the best I’ve seen so you’ve got a good chance to go for this program. And I know that you’d want to, Stevie,” Mr. Green had said.

“I just worry about the cost,” Steven had admitted when he’d been asked why he hadn’t applied sooner.

“Don’t worry, Stevie, it’s on full sponsorship. But you do need to give me a bloody good report for your thesis when you return and of course I’d like to see the pictures you’d take. I know you’re passionate about this and that’s why I’m pushing you to go for it.”

Steven’s parents had gone against his wishes when he’d first told them that he’d wanted to study art, knowing that the cost would be massive but when they’d learn that students and parents could seek financial aid package of loans and grants to help cover savings shortfalls, they’d decided to let Steven enroll, much to his delight.

“I won’t let yer down, mum, dad. I promise.”

It had been proved to be a good decision made because Steven had made them proud for he was almost always a top student every semester.

“Fuck, I’m finally goin’ to Paris!” he’d exclaimed excitedly to Jamie, his best friend at Liverpool’s John Moores university the day he’d gotten the news. “It’s been me dream, Jamie and I’m finally goin’!”

The Parisian life was of course quite the opposite of Liverpool’s and Steven’s excitement was understandable but Jamie, a local boy himself, hadn’t been too keen on the idea of Paris and had scoffed at Steven’s enthusiasm. They were close friends, almost like brothers and even though he’d been thrilled that Steven had finally gotten the opportunity he’d been dreaming of, he couldn’t help but feel a little bit envious despite what he’d said.

“What’s so great about goin’ there anyway? It’s nothin’ much if yer ask me. It’s just another city in another country,” he’d said to his friend as he’d watched him pack his suitcase the night before he was supposed to leave for Paris.

“But it’s Paris, Jamie! The city of love, the place of luxury, the land of baguettes and all that stuff, yer know? And yer know I love me bread and croissants! And me mum, me mum said she’d met me dad there and ever since then, I’ve always wanted to see what’s it all about that me mum had raved about, I’d like to experience it me self.”

“God, yer’re really soundin’ like a girl, Stevie.”

“Yeah whatever, Jamie. Yer’re just jealous yer’re not followin’ me, that’s all,” Steven had waved him off when he’d seen him rolling his eyes at him. He didn’t want anything or anyone to dampen his spirit but that hadn’t stopped Jamie from continuing to tease him.

“So, Stevie, are yer’re hopin’ to meet somebody there and fall in love? Are yer hopin’ that? Because I bet yer are!”

Steven never really answered Jamie’s question after that and as he gathered his luggage from the baggage conveyor, a single large red suitcase with the unmistakable Liverpool football crest stuck proudly on the bag’s canvas, his lips curled into a smile again as the idea of finding love and romance in the city of love crept into his mind.

“Are you Steven Gerrard?”

He’d seen him, a boy he’d figured to be almost his age, their height almost equal and hair slightly darker than his, holding out a white cardboard with his name written on it with large bold dark ink. He was standing against a railing separating the arrival hall and the airport exit doors and when Steven had approached him, he’d been greeted with a smile Steven had thought to be warm and engaging.

“Yes, I am he,” Steven then nodded in response to his question and acknowledged the person just as politely.

While he accepted the stranger’s outstretched hand in a firm handshake, his eyes took the opportunity to study his face. Usually wary of people he hardly knows, Steven found it strangely comforting that he was feeling otherwise with this person before him even though he’d looked like a rich kid that anyone back home would consider snobbish.

“I am Xabi. You will be staying with me while you’re in Paris.”

“Xabi?” he asked a little surprised. “I take it that yer are not French? Because that is definitely not a French soundin’ name.”

His accent certainly did not sound like it and Steven’s guess was confirmed when this Xabi person shook his head at his question.

“I am Spanish actually, from the Basque region. It’s Xabi Alonso. That’s my name and you’ll stay with me while you’re here.”

After that brief introduction, nothing else was being said and they continued to walk in silence as Xabi led him to the parking lot. When they eventually reached his car, Steven saw that Xabi had one of those Smart cars that were commonly found in Paris.

“Nice car yer’ve got here, mate,” he quipped as he let Xabi helped him with his suitcase. “Really nice.”

“Thanks. I guess it’s okay to get by around the city,” Xabi replied with a shrug. “We can talk more later about cars but for now we’ve to leave if we want to beat the early morning traffic. It’s not nice to get stuck in traffic here and that’s the last thing you’d want so soon after your flight.”

Steven then saw Xabi opening his car door and motioned for him to move along. And not really understanding why, Steven suddenly felt a little bit let down. But his mouth soon began to do the explaining what his brain couldn’t earlier process, letting Xabi know what it was that had bothered him.

“Yer know, I had thought that the uni would be assignin’ a French student to host me while I’m here,” Steven grumbled somewhat as he climbed into his new friend’s car. “Takin’ into consideration that I’d be here for two whole weeks, I’d have loved to learn some French language because I tell yer my French really sucks and instead of doin’ that, they gave me a Spaniard to live with.”

Xabi who had his keys in the ignition and was about to start his car, simply stared at the Englishman beside him and quirked his lips at his little comment.

“Well, Steven, I do speak French. And by the way, is your Spanish any good?”

“Not really,” Steven answered, embarrassed that he had sounded rather rude to his host. And as he recalled what he’d said, he cringed knowing he’d made a mistake saying the things he’d said.

“Look I’m sorry. Hardly five minutes of knowin’ me and yer must already think I’m a bastard.”

Xabi only shook his head in return and smiled.

“No I don’t think you are that. You’re just being honest. And besides, I can teach you French if you really want to because I think my French is rather good, maybe almost as good as the French themselves,” Xabi explained proudly. “And also, I can teach you Spanish too if you want. That is of course if you’re interested.”

After Xabi had finished explaining, Steven gaped at him for a good few seconds and when he continued saying nothing, Xabi nudged his shoulder and narrowed his eyes at him.

“Are you alright?” he asked and waved his hand in front of Steven. “You look a little dazed? Are you alright?”

“I’m fine, of course I am fine,” Steven answered. “I’m just a bit amazed really.”

“Amazed? I don’t quite understand, Steven. Why are you amazed?”

Xabi had maneuvered his car out of the airport area and as Steven’s eyes roamed about his new surroundings, he then turned his head to look at the Spanish boy whom he’d be living with for the next two weeks and began to explain what it was that had amazed him so much earlier on.

“I’ve never known anyone that knew more than two languages before. And yer know three; French, Spanish and English! I’m dead impressed! And I must thank me lucky stars now that they’ve sent yer to me instead of some French lad.”

“Thank you, I’m glad you’ve changed your mind about me then,” said Xabi to his new friend’s glowing praise with a small laugh.

“And I’m hopeless with languages so if yer’re gonna teach me with them yer’ll be havin’ a tough time I’m warnin’ yer,” Steven continued talking.

“Well I have been warned. Anyway I’d love some challenge. It’s been getting a bit boring lately for me here,” Xabi replied as he saw Steven grinning at his answer.

He suddenly thought Steven’s smile to be really captivating as it seemed to light up his entire face and Xabi could not help but smile right back at him.

“I don’t know what could be borin’ here. There’s so much to do! And I can’t wait for yer to take me around and do all those touristy stuff. And I’ve a list of places that I want yer to take me to. Here, let me show it to yer.”

While Steven excitedly talked and rummaged through his bag, Xabi quietly wondered what he’d actually gotten himself into. He had been asked weeks earlier to choose a student he’d liked to host for the university exchange program and had chosen Steven out of the many names on the list his lecturer had shown him. And when asked why he didn’t want to have a fellow Spaniard to spend the last few weeks of his summer holidays with, Xabi had said that he’d wanted to get to know someone different and it hadn’t been a difficult choice to make after he’d read Steven’s profile.

An art student just like himself, Steven Gerrard hailed from a city which holds great interest to Xabi; Liverpool. And it wasn’t really hard to understand why. Being a mad football fan, Xabi had followed Liverpool Football club ever since he was little, a football club famed for its history and fans and the many trophies they’d won. And he’d been eager to find out more from a true Liverpudlian like Steven and that had been the key reason why he’d picked him. However, much to his amusement, he realised now he’d gotten more than he’d bargained for.

“Wow, Steven, this is a rather long list! A really long one!”

They had finally reached Xabi’s place, a comfortable two bedroom apartment located right smack in the middle of the city when Xabi finally got to look at Steven’s ‘places-of-interest to visit’ list. His eyes scanned through the piece of paper with the famous places’ names scribbled neatly in what Xabi assumed was Steven’s hand writing and laughed.

“This place here,” Xabi explained as he pointed to one of the places Steven had written down, “The Lacouvertoirade, it’s in south of France and we’d need to drive down to get there. It’ll take a couple of hours at least.”

“Well, while I’m here in France I might as well visit all the places that I could go to, right?” Steven replied as he leaned back against the sofa with a mug of coffee Xabi had made in his hand. “And I can’t wait really. And yer can drive me there, since yer are me host?”

Xabi glanced up from the list in his hand and raised an eyebrow at Steven’s cheeky remark.

“Well, yes, I can take you to these places and drive you all the way to the South of France but before doing all that, don’t you want to rest first? Freshen up then go get something to eat?”

Not waiting for Steven’s reply, Xabi then looked at the time on his watch. “And it’s only eleven in the morning and it is your first day here. We’ve got lots of time so not to worry.”

“I know I’ve got time,” Steven answered, sipping his coffee. “I just don’t want to waste any. I don’t know when I’m gonna be here again so…I just want to make the most of it.”

“I’m sure you’ll visit again. By the way this is your first time here?”

“You should easily figure that out, Xabi. Look at how excited I am!”

“Right,” Xabi answered and looked down again at Steven’s list.

He was trying to learn more about Steven. He’d been intrigued by him right from the start, right after they’d shook hands and introduced themselves to each other. Steven wasn’t like the friends he’d known. Most of his friends from university were just different and although Xabi would like to be able to explain what he had meant by different, he’d pushed his thoughts aside thinking he’ll figure out what it was later. For now, he simply wanted to know more about this person sitting from opposite of him.

He then asked Steven about his course and learned that they were both majoring in the same field; photography. Xabi joked that they’d too much interest in common and Steven agreed what he’d so far learned about Xabi had surprised him.

“Yer don’t look much line an artsy type of person when I first saw yer.”

“Really? And what did you think when you first saw me?”

“Well,” Steven paused while rubbing his chin as he looked at Xabi’s face closer, “Yer look like one of those studious ones with books piled up on their desks and that would major in medicine or law or business, yer know some serious shit like that. But definitely not art yer.”

“You study people a lot, Steven?” Xabi asked and if he was bothered of what Steven had thought of him than he’d hidden it pretty well.

“Nah, I just like to observe them,” Steven answered indifferently. “But I guess yer can’t always judge a book by its cover.”

“You certainly cannot,” Xabi replied. “So tell me about your family. I read that you’re from Liverpool, si?” he continued, changing the subject.

Xabi saw Steven shifted uneasily in his seat when the word family was mentioned but eventually he started talking about them, telling Xabi that he was the eldest and that he’d two younger brothers, both of whom were still schooling. And later on he also learned how hard it had taken Steven to convince his parents to let him into art school.

“I’m not from a very rich family, so it was understandable that me mum and dad weren’t so keen on the idea of me doin’ this subject. But so far everythin’ had worked fine and the rest is just history.”

“And you coming here? They are okay with it?” Xabi asked.

“Like I said, I’m not very rich, so traveling is a little bit…well yer know, I can’t just travel without not havin’ to think of budget and expenses and all that goes with it. I’ve to plan everythin’. So this visit is like a dream for me. It’s fully sponsored! And when I’d received this offer I couldn’t let it slip me by. But I guess yer wouldn’t have to worry about the things I have to worry about now, would yer? About money and stuff ‘cause yer don’t look like yer need to worry about that at all.”

Xabi sighed sadly and shook his head.

“That is twice already that you have judged me without really getting to know me first.”

“Ahh, fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that,” Steven apologised quickly. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

Xabi then leaned forward and clasped his fingers together. He eyed Steven intently, making the once stranger in his life squirm uneasily in his seat.

“What do you think of me really, Steven? Do you look at me and see that I am a rich boy that lives in this city out of the wealth of my parents? But I’m not going to lie for yes, I am that. My parents are rich. But I’m not going to be sorry for it. In fact I am thankful for what I have and what they’ve given me but I want you to know I’m not blind to others that may not be as lucky as I am. So please don’t judge me to be that.”

Xabi’s short little speech left Steven red faced. He tried to say something clever in return but in the end he couldn’t think of anything to say but to apologise for his slip-up.

“Ah fuck, I’m sorry,” Steven muttered. “That’s all I can say really. I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to be bitter about it. I’m sorry.”

After he’d apologised, Steven quickly looked away and stared at the Eifel Tower visible from Xabi’s apartment window. He could actually see it now, the famed tower before his very eyes and no, he was not looking at it on postcards or in movies. He was actually seeing it live and if he were to lift his fingers and stretched it out a little, he might even get to touch it.

For a split second, he wondered whether it had been a mistake to come to Paris all alone, thrust into an environment and culture he wasn’t really familiar with. And being in that room with Xabi, a person whose background differs from his in ways he couldn’t possibly imagine made him feel completely out of place. But fuck, he was an adult now, and adults should be able to be more independent and make decisions of their own and make things happen for themselves and God, he’d dreamed of this for so long and now that he’d gotten it, he wasn’t going to let anything spoil it for him.

“Can we start again, please? I can’t stay here with yer and have yer hatin’ me for my stupid words,” Steven then said breaking the silence, meekly looking at Xabi again, hoping he hadn’t messed up too much for his mistakes to be irreversible. “I’m Steven Gerrard. And yer are?”

He thrust his hand out, urging Xabi to accept it and he breathed a sigh of relief when Xabi took it in his and gripped it hard in a warm handshake.

“I’m Xabi Alonso. It’s nice to meet you again, Steven Gerrard.”

“Yer can call me Stevie if yer like, all me mates call me Stevie.”

“Well,” Xabi smiled as he released Steven’s hand, happy for now that Steven wasn’t judging him, “I’d like to call you that, Steven…I mean, Stevie. But it’s okay if I call you, Steven right? I like calling you that more.”

“It sounds a bit formal to me but it is okay if yer like it.”

“Well okay then, Steven. I’m going to take you around. Where do you want to go first based on this rather long list of yours?”

Xabi dangled the said piece of paper in front of Steven and he immediately saw his eyes grow wide with excitement. Forgetting his earlier worries and their little misunderstanding upon hearing Xabi’s suggestion, Steven at once jumped to Xabi’s side on the sofa making it bounce a little and at the same time making the Spaniard laugh at his antics. Xabi did not really know what quite to say for he’d never seen anyone getting as excited as Steven was about visiting Paris all his life.

“Yer’ve to take me to the Louvre, it’s like the mother of all art museums!” Steven exclaimed as he flipped through the map he’d gotten at the airport. “And how are we getting’ there? Are yer gonna drive or are we gonna take the metro?”

Steven was like an excited little boy and Xabi thought he’d looked quite endearing despite what he’d done earlier to annoy him.

“I knew you’d say the Louvre,” Xabi quipped. “We’ll go there later and we can take the metro if you want for a change but first, we need to eat! I’m really hungry.”

Steven nodded in agreement. “Well now that yer’ve mentioned it, I’m kinda starvin’ too!”

“So what would you like to eat then?” Xabi asked as he grabbed his jacket from the coat stand. “There’re some fast food restaurants down the street or if you want, we could go to a café or…”

“Anythin’s fine with me, Xabi,” Steven cut in before Xabi could finish, standing up on his feet now all raring to go. “I don’t mind anywhere at all. I’ll go wherever yer’ll take me. That’s just fine with me.”

Little did Steven know the underlying meaning to his words would mean a whole lot more at the end of his two weeks stay in Paris. Xabi will take him to places he’d never been before in his life. And it would be a matter of time before he realises that it would also be an emotional experience he’d never savoured before.

An emotional experience as wonderfully beautiful as love.

Jealousy, Tattoos and the Liverbird

2009-08-15T09:40:11Z

Title : Jealousy, Tattoos and the Liverbird
Pairing : Steven Gerrard/Xabi Alonso
Rating : PG13
Summary : Xabi gets something for Stevie but will Stevie like it?
Disclaimer : This is a story contrived from my imagination.
Warnings : Romance, fluff.
Feedbacks : I'd love to hear your feedback and comments. It keeps me going.
A/N : I am just reposting some of my old fics in this journal, so some of you may have read this before. And this series was written in 2007. And yes, I've been writing them for that long. :(

Related Chapters...
Jealousy, Tattoos and Butterflies

Jealousy, Tattoos and the Liverbird

“Stevie, can you come over? I want to show you something.”

Xabi’s voice is composed but Stevie can sense the slight excitement in his voice. Leaning against the counter in his kitchen, a stupid grin gradually spreads across his face just thinking about him. What could he be possibly up to now?

“Yer’re up to somethin’, aren’t yer?”

He hears Xabi chuckle at the other end. When he speaks, his voice is deep and soothing as always, seducing him without even trying.

“Why would you say that?” Xabi whines playfully and Stevie’s grin just gets wider while he rubs his nose absent mindedly at the same time. He’d do anything for this man and he just can’t say no, definitely not to Xabi.

“Alright, I’ll be there in another half an hour,” Stevie replies before hanging up the phone. And a few minutes after doing so, he still can’t help but feel there’s something waiting for him ominously when he arrives at Xabi’s place later.

~*~

After half an hour, Stevie arrives at Xabi’s apartment as promised and sees that Xabi is already waiting for him at his doorway. Leaning against the doorframe with his hands across his chest, he has a small smile on his face and Stevie merely smiles back at the sight of him.

“You’re late,” Xabi begins and Stevie merely shrugs before replying, “Two minutes doesn’t make a difference, Xabi.”

“Well it does to me, Mr. Gerrard,” the Spaniard answers before motioning for him to come in.

Once Stevie is in, he shuts the door behind them and grabs his captain’s hands with his, pulling him close towards him for a quick kiss on the lips.

“When did I last see you?” he asks him teasingly, as their lips ghosts against each other.

“Hmm…I think it was yesterday after training…why?” Stevie answers against his mouth. They’ve done this countless of times but the closeness of their bodies whenever they are together like this never fails to give him delicious chills.

“Then why the hell do I miss you so much?” Xabi whines before kissing him again, this time harder than before. Xabi knows how to kiss and Stevie takes it. His taste is absolutely exquisite and Stevie loves the feel of his tongue on his, swirling delicately, caressing softly making him moan and sigh. When they finally stop to gasp for air, Stevie notices that he has a small smile, just a tiny quirk at the corner of his lips but that is enough to make Stevie go nervous. Suddenly, he remembers the real reason for him being there.

“So tell me, what is it that yer wanted to show me?” he asks, trying to break the spell that Xabi is casting on him. His eyes are darting, looking around the apartment for any new thing that Xabi could possibly have bought that he wants so eagerly to show him.

“Close your eyes first,” Xabi demands and Stevie raises an eyebrow to that request.

“Why? Yer’re making me anxious now. Tell me now will yer?” Stevie questions as he protests against Xabi’s wishes to have his eyes closed but when Xabi circles his wrists with his hands, gesturing for Stevie to follow him to his bedroom, Stevie could only follow helplessly without any objection.

Damn you, Xabi!

“Okay, Stevie, please just close your eyes, just for a minute,” Xabi then pleads, kissing Stevie’s temple softly in the process in which Xabi knows his lover could not resist. Stevie on the other hand merely rolls his eyes, knowing that he can’t win at the game Xabi is playing and decides to just go along with it. With a loud sigh, he then closes his eyes but realises that even after a few minutes of waiting, nothing seems to happen.

“Xabi? Come on now this is not funny. Can I open me eyes now?”

After what seem like an eternity, Xabi finally answers, “Okay, you can open your eyes now.”

What he sees next makes Stevie gasps rather breathlessly. And his eyes now are transfixed on Xabi’s hipbone for his jeans are lowered just enough to show Stevie his new tattoo; the liverbird. It is proudly inked there in all its glory and after a while, Stevie’s eyes dart to Xabi’s almost questioningly but he doesn’t utter a word.

There’s a fuckin’ tattoo! On his hipbone!

“Do you like it?” Xabi begins, slightly worried that Stevie has been gaping at the sight for almost a minute now without uttering a single word.

“Stevie, you’re scaring me now, you hate it, si? Is a bad idea?”

Stevie does not answer but can only swallow nervously before shakily lifting his hand to touch the undeniably hot sight in front of him. Xabi gasps slightly when he feels Stevie’s fingers linger there, almost seductively.

“When? How?” Stevie finally manages to ask after finding his voice.

Xabi notices that he is now smiling and is relieved that he is not freaking out about it.

“Late last night I did this. Since we were on that topic yesterday, I thought that I’d just get one,” he replies with his eyes never leaving Stevie’s. “Do you like it?”

Stevie has not answered the first time he asked him the question and Xabi poses the question again, only this time his voice sounds a little bit hoarse because Stevie’s fingers are still there, his light touches making him shiver.

“Yeah, I…I like it…I’d never thought I will, I mean…but why the liverbird?” he asks softly, looking at him, looking into those warm eyes that he loves so much.

“I didn’t want to get something so obvious…for you. So I thought, what could be more you than this. The symbol of the club, Stevie. Liverpool is you…at least nobody will ever suspect anything,” he answers and Stevie can only smile at his thoughtfulness.

“If I had put your name than Daniel would definitely suspect something!” Xabi continues but that name seems to startle Stevie out of the intoxicating trance that had shrouded his mind.

“Agger?” he squeaks and Xabi simply nods. “He helped me, I mean I went with him because he knows so much about tattoos and stuff…”

But before Xabi could finish explaining, Stevie cuts him off.

“You went with him?” he exclaims, the apparent horror of remembering yesterday’s flirtation between them comes rushing back suddenly. But Xabi is not impressed and rolls his eyes at his over reaction.

“Stevie…” he tries to explain but Stevie cuts him off again.

“So, yer’re sayin’ he knows that yer’ve got a tattoo…there?” Stevie demands, his eyes wide, his voice quivering slightly. “Yer’re sayin’ that…that I’m not the first to know, about that?”

Stevie clearly is not happy but Xabi can’t help but smile at the adorably jealous person standing right in front of him now.

“Stevie…” he begins and he can see in Stevie’s eyes that he is waiting for some kind of an explanation from him.

“Yes of course you’re not the first to know, the people at the tattoo parlor is obviously the first to know and…”

Realising that it is a bad time to joke around, Xabi immediately stops what he wants to say. Not wanting his sulking lover to get distressed, he then pulls Stevie closer before putting both his hands on either side of his cheek.

“Stevie, yes of course Daniel knows but that’s about it. Besides you’re the only one that will get to do…you know…stuff with it,” he says with a cheeky smile and Stevie raises an eyebrow listening to that suggestive idea.

“Stuff?” he asks, knowing fully well where Xabi is going with that.

“Yes, stuff…” he whispers against Stevie’s lips and before he has time to ask him anything else, the gap between them disappears into nothing as Xabi kisses him, reassuring him that no one else could have a hold on him like he does. All Stevie can think of at that moment when he is kissing Xabi is how fucking good this feels, how wonderful those lips feel against his. His hands are now roaming along Xabi’s back and he feels Xabi wrapping his arms closer around him, the sheer intimacy almost knocking him unconscious.

“You know where you’ve got me Stevie, you’ve got my heart, amor…” is all that Xabi can mutter when they finally stop from their searing kiss.

Stevie in return, kisses the tip of his nose before nodding, feeling rather sheepish about the whole thing.

“But I love it that you’re being silly and all jealous about it,” Xabi continues before getting a retort from Stevie.

“I get a feelin’ that yer’re doing this on purpose, so yer can give me reassurin’ kisses in order to make me feel better…”

Xabi simply smiles before muttering against his mouth, “You finally get it, eh?”

And that answer earned him a small punch on the shoulder.

With his arms still wrapped around his body, Stevie leans his head against his and with a cheeky tone in his voice, he asks, “So…what stuff are yer suggestin’ I do to yer…yer know?” before ending it with a wink.

Xabi gasps mockingly before answering, “Well you can kiss it to make it feel better…”

“I can definitely do more than that Xabi…” Stevie murmurs before letting his lips trail…there.

S/X Fic - Jealousy, Tattoos and Butterflies

2009-08-15T07:12:25Z

Title : Jealousy, Tattoos and Butterflies
Pairing : Steven Gerrard/Xabi Alonso
Rating : PG13
Summary : Stevie is jealous of a certain Dane with tattoos.
Disclaimer : This is a story contrived from my imagination.
Warnings : Romance, fluff.
Feedbacks : I'd love to hear your feedback and comments. It keeps me going.
A/N : I am just reposting some of my old fics in this journal, so some of you may have read this before. And this story was written in 2007. And yes, I've been writing them for that long. :(

Jealousy, Tattoos and Butterflies

Training has ended for the day and they are in the middle of the pitch when Stevie sees something that makes his heart stop beating for a moment or two. He shouldn’t be bothered by petty stuff but this is something else. This concerns Xabi and when it concerns him, nothing is petty.

If Stevie doesn’t know any better, he swears that Daniel is actually flirting with Xabi. He has that coy look in his eyes and his voice is far too low for him to make out what’s being said. And to make matters worse, he has an arm around Xabi’s shoulder, every now and then pulling him closer towards him to whisper words in his ear that makes Xabi smile and laugh.

If Xabi flirts back I’m goin’ to kill him.

And to add to Stevie’s further annoyance, Daniel’s hand lingers behind Xabi’s back, for a little bit too long in fact and to Stevie’s eyes, Xabi seems not to mind it one bit! He is leaning into him way too much to Stevie’s liking and he flinches when he suddenly sees Daniel lifting his shirt to show Xabi his tattoo! What the hell is going on?

Damnit! He's liftin’ his shirt to show Xabi his new tattoo? And wait a minute, the tattoo is on his hipbone? And Xabi, what are yer doin’? Yer are not touchin’ that tattoo now, are yer?

Stevie can't believe the obvious flirtation that is happening right in front of his very own eyes. Of course it’s Daniel that’s doing all the flirting but Xabi, Xabi seems to go along with it and it irritates Stevie enough to butt into their conversation.

"Hmm…a new tattoo, Danny?"

Stevie tries his very best to sound casual and normal about it as he glances to the newly inked tattoo on the very inappropriate area; that’s to his honest opinion anyway. In return to his seemingly innocent question, Daniel just grins and nods.

Oh how Stevie wishes to wipe that smirk off his face!

“Mariposa?” Stevie questions as he stares harder at the tattoo.

The word 'Mariposa' is inked with fonts similar to the ones from the Lord of The Rings trilogy movie and Stevie can’t deny that it does look rather interesting. And when he realises what he’s thinking, he mentally has to smack his head for even having those thoughts!

"It's a Spanish word actually. My girlfriend wanted it there and I asked Xabi’s opinion on what I should get.,” Daniel explains before pulling down his shirt and then grabbing a ball which is sitting innocently on the short grass of the pitch and juggling it playfully, almost to the extent of showing off in Stevie’s eyes.

“It means butterfly in Spanish,” Xabi suddenly chips in with a small quirk on his lips, noticing the slight tension in Stevie’s gestures. Stevie on the other hand simply shrugs his shoulders and snorts and his actions did not go unnoticed by Xabi. However, he simply keeps quiet and tries hard not to say anything to his captain.

“Why didn’t you just get an actual butterfly tattooed there, wouldn’t that make much more sense?” Stevie then says, the annoyed tone in his voice growing in stature.

“Well, she’d wanted a Spanish word. She thinks it’d be sexy but don’t ask me why though,” Daniel simply replies.

Anythin’ Spanish is sexy, Spanish people is sexy, Xabi in particular…

Stevie is letting his mind drift off and he shakes his head as he tries to get back to the current topic that is striking his interest; tattoos and butterflies and Spaniards. But Stevie could do no more as he sees Daniel hurriedly making his way off towards the training centre’s parking lots.

“I’ll see you lads tomorrow eh? I’ve promised her that I’d take her out after training and I’m already late as it is! And Xabi…” Daniel says as he points to Xabi who’s standing right beside his captain. “Thanks again for the advice!”

He ended his sentence with a little wink that is surely meant for Xabi and Stevie realises that he just can’t win today, not now anyway

~*~

“So butterflies huh?” Stevie starts before turning to face Xabi after putting on his jacket.

They are about to leave the training ground but he just can’t let go of the earlier incidents involving Daniel and the seemingly innocent flirtations between them. It has been nagging him and he needs to get it off his chest and fast.

“Excuse me?” Xabi then answers and raises an eyebrow at him, feigning ignorance.

“Agger’s tattoo. A rather interesting choice I have to say,” Stevie continues with his arms across his chest.

Xabi merely smiles softly and Stevie can’t help but feel guilty for being a jerk about the whole thing. But he needs to know whether there’s anything at all going on between him and Daniel.

“Why do you ask, Stevie? You liked it?” Xabi teases Stevie with a hint of mischief and knowing fully well where the conversation is headed, decides to toy with the Englishman for a bit.

“You liked it, didn’t you?”

“What?! No I don’t!” Stevie exclaims, not happy that Xabi is not getting the intended message.

“But yer obviously did!” he then complains with a slight pout on his lips that Xabi just couldn’t ignore. Stevie is too freaking adorable when he does that and that spurs Xabi to continue teasing him.

“Of course I liked it, I suggested it,” he says and grins wider and Stevie merely groans, listening to his answer.

“Yer liked the tattoo or yer liked it on him? Or yer simply like him?”

The irritation in Stevie’s voice is apparent and Xabi can’t help but let out a small laugh, slightly amused at his lover’s antics. He takes a few steps closer towards the grumpy man in front of him and wraps his arms around his waist, surprising him. Then slowly, Xabi leans in and whispers in Stevie’s ear.

“Now who’s being silly here?”

“Fuck, Xabi, I’m not being silly I’m just statin’ the obvious,” Stevie retorts, as he unsuccessfully tries to loosen Xabi’s arms that are locked around him. However, his half hearted protest comes to a naught when Xabi presses his lips on his, teasing him by licking his lips and then when Stevie finally relents, he lets his tongue in and they continue to play a game of tag, taking each other’s breath away in a deep, passionate kiss.

“When I’m with you, I never fail to get butterflies in my stomach. Did I say that correctly?” Xabi murmurs after they’ve ended the kiss and tilts his head a bit, gazing at Stevie with those warm brown eyes of his. And that’s a bit too much for Stevie to handle.

“Uhuh,” is the only thing that he manages to answer. Being around Xabi is too mesmerizing.

Leaning in again to gently bite on Xabi’s lower lip, Stevie then mutters against his mouth, “I’m sorry, Xabi. I guess that was uncalled for…the jealousy bit.”

Xabi pulls away to look at him and can’t help but snicker hearing Stevie’s confession.

“You were jealous? Of Agger?”

Laughing nervously, Stevie soon nods, his face turning a few shades redder by the second. Xabi’s arms are still around him and Stevie lets his hands drift around Xabi’s neck, pulling him closer until their noses are almost touching.

“Stupid of me, eh?”

Xabi smiles against his mouth, loving their closeness but fully aware that someone can just walk in on them anytime real soon but he doesn’t want to spoil the moment with his wariness. He loves it that they can be a bit reckless when they want to and this is one of those moments. He kisses the corner of Stevie’s mouth and then continues to mutter against lips.

“Si, Stevie. It is really stupid. He’s got a girlfriend.”

“But so do you!”

As soon as he’s said that, Stevie immediately regrets it and hopes Xabi doesn’t take it the wrong way. He’s certainly glad though when he sees him smiling instead but he knows that he can’t keep making mistakes like that.

“I’m sorry, that’s not what I meant, Xabi…yer do know how I…”

But Xabi merely shuts him up from rambling on further by kissing him hard on the mouth, leaving them both gasping for air when they both finally stop. Lifting a thumb to rub on Stevie’s swollen lips, the action making Stevie go weak in the knees, he then leans in to whisper in his ear.

“Sometimes you just need to know when to stop talking, Stevie,” before letting his lips smooth light butterfly kisses on Stevie’s neck, biting down gently on the sensitive skin, earning a small moan from his gorgeous captain.

“You know what I think?”

“What?” Stevie gasps.

“Maybe you should get a tattoo there…”

Hearing that, Stevie immediately pulls away to look at Xabi, his eyebrows going way up.

“Are yer fuckin’ crazy? I’m not getting’ anythin’ on me body…”

“I can suggest some other Spanish words if you like?”

“No way…!” Stevie shrieks as he grabs his bags, leaving Xabi in a huff and Xabi merely chuckles out loud, loving the fact that he'd just managed to freak Stevie out. And he doesn’t think that Stevie will bring up the matter of Agger, butterflies and tattoos anytime real soon.

s/x fic - How Did I Fall? (In Love With You)(Part 10/10)

2009-07-15T14:46:00Z

Title : How Did I Fall? (In Love With You)(Part 10/10)
Pairing : Steven Gerrard/Xabi Alonso
Rating : PG13
Summary : Xabi confesses his feelings for Stevie.
Disclaimer : This is a story contrived from my imagination.
Warnings : Romance, fluff. And it is very fluffy. Some might not be able to stomach it. But I love fluff. And I hope you like it too.
Feedbacks : I'd love to hear your feedback and comments. It keeps me going.
A/N : The last story.

Part 9
Part 8
Part 7
Part 6
Part 5
Part 4
Part 3
Part 2
Part 1

How Did I Fall? (In Love With You)(Part 10/10)

The atmosphere of Xabi’s living room was darkened. All the curtains were drawn together and the lights were dimmed except for one from the hallway leading to the main room. Two bodies were on the impossibly small sofa, arms wrapped around each other, lips and tongues linked together in fervid kisses and breathy gasps and moans were filling the room in a series of sensuous motion.

“Where have this been all my life?” Steven murmured aloud after his lips had parted with Xabi’s for the umpteenth time ever since he’d confessed his feelings to his friend. “How could I have missed kissin’ yer all this while?”

A small laughter, which sounded incredibly sexy to Steven’s ears, filtered across the room.

“You were too proud to admit your feelings for me, amigo,” Xabi teased playfully as he placed a soft kiss on Steven’s forehead. “Am I not right, Stevie?”

“Aww, it’s not that, Xabi,” Steven pouted in response. “I wasn’t proud, I just didn’t know.”

“Of course you didn’t,” Xabi replied and smiled. “How could you have known?”

The sound of soft, relaxing music was playing in the background and Steven wondered whether it had always been there or he’d only just noticed it. The air was thick and felt cool against his skin, devoid of any tension, unlike earlier when he was trying his damnest to tell Xabi his pent up feelings. Xabi’s arms were wrapped firmly around his waist and Steven tried hard to concentrate on his breathing as he shifted slightly underneath Xabi’s weight.

“Xabi?”

“Hmmm?” Xabi murmured softly. His head was leaning comfortably at the crook of Steven’s neck.

“I’m sorry for the accident again, for gettin’ yer hurt and then with the amnesia yer suffered. It’s just unfortunate that had to happen. ”

Steven’s voice was full of regret. He slowly skimmed his fingers along the visible scar on Xabi’s forehead and tilted his head slightly to kiss the slight imperfection he’d caused. “I hurt yer, didn’t I? I’m so fuckin’ stupid sometimes.”

“You didn’t hurt me,” Xabi answered. “Don’t say that.”

He looked up and was alarmed to see Steven’s distraught face. Propping himself up slightly with his elbows, so that he could get a better view of his friend, Xabi then quickly moved to sooth Steven’s worries.

“Forget about the accident, Stevie. That’s in the past. What matters for us now is the future.”

“I keep thinkin’ about it from time to time, Xabi. I almost lost yer. I never ever want that to happen.”

The sofa shifted as Steven pushed himself up against the sofa armrest to look at Xabi carefully. He hoped Xabi would understand the seriousness of his words.

“Do yer understand what I’m sayin’, Xabi?”

Their faces were close enough for Steven to see the different specks of brown in Xabi’s eyes. It was almost mesmerizing and it made Steven forget what he was trying to convey to the man in his arms.

“I’m glad it happened somewhat,” Xabi said again, continuing where he left off a second earlier and that managed to break Steven’s stupor. “If the accident hadn’t happened, this would not have happened. I wouldn’t have you now, Stevie.”

The words Xabi said seemed to travel from his mouth straight to Steven’s heart and the touch seemed almost physical. Like having a life of their own, Steven’s fingers grabbed hold of Xabi’s and without hesitation, he linked their hands together before placing Xabi’s palm on top of his chest just above where his heart was.

“Can yer feel it beating, Xabi? Me heart here, me heart’s never been the same ever since I kissed yer, do yer know that? It’s gone completely bonkers ever since that night. And me mind’s combust, it had gone crazy. I can’t even think straight for one day, can’t even go a day without thinkin’ about that kiss. Without thinkin’ of yer lips on mine.”

Xabi smiled and his face lit up upon hearing those sweetly spoken words. He looked at Steven, his eyes never leaving his for a very long time before he finally spoke again.

“We were only friends then but now I have you in my arms like this. It’s amazing, Stevie.”

“But why haven’t yer told me all this before, Xabi? Why haven’t yer said a word to me about this?”

Xabi suddenly surprised Steven with a laugh, throwing his head slightly back in the process. A little tear slid down his cheek after he’d stopped and seeing it, Steven quickly wiped it away using the pad of his thumb.

“Xabi?” he asked, his curiosity heightened. “Why are yer laughin’? It’s a genuine question I’m askin’ yer.”

Gingerly, Xabi started to run his fingers through Steven’s short hair. He’d never thought this, being in Steven’s arms, kissing Steven and holding him close could ever be possible. He’d certainly dreamt of being in the situation he was in now countless of times before but had never thought it could be a reality. But now, it was certainly real.

“If I had told you all this, if I had told you my feelings before the accident had happened, would you have accepted it? Wouldn’t you have freaked out on me?”

“Honestly, Xabi, I really do not know,” Steven answered. “I honestly do not know what to think anymore. But I do know I still hate Matt!”

“Oh, Stevie…forget about him, okay? He’s not important anymore.”

Absentmindedly, Steven nodded and reached up before pulling Xabi down by the collar of his shirt so that he could kiss him again. Xabi’s body was warm against his and as he caressed the cavern of Xabi’s hot mouth with his tongue, he could feel him shudder, releasing a breathless gasp against his lips.

“I’ve loved you for a long time…but I couldn’t tell you, I couldn’t have possibly let you know because, because we were friends then, Stevie. And I didn’t want to lose you, not your friendship. I couldn’t lose your friendship. I couldn’t lose you. I’d rather not have your love if it meant losing you totally.”

Steven completely forgot what he’d wanted to say after he’d heard Xabi’s confession. The feeling he felt in his heart was threatening to burst, the overwhelming feeling of love for the Spaniard was taking control of his entire being. To Steven, his life, every gasp of air he was breathing, only centered on Xabi from then on. Nothing else mattered.

“I want to make yer happy, Xabi. I want yer to always be with me, forever. I want to love yer for all the years that I’ve missed lovin’ yer. Do yer understand?”

Xabi shivered and curled his hand around Steven’s neck. It had to take an unexpected twist in their lives to finally let Steven realised what he was feeling for Xabi and he was eternally grateful that fate had given them that opportunity for not everyone was lucky enough, not everyone would get that chance to find love with the person they have set their heart and soul for. But Xabi had and he was not about to let it escape him.

Suddenly, without any warning, Xabi pushed himself off Steven’s body and quickly sprung to his feet.

“Come on, Stevie, get up,” he said and stretched his hand out to Steven, prompting him to take his offered hand.

“What? What are yer talkin’ about? What are yer doin’?” Steven asked, annoyed that Xabi had to break their lovely moment together. “Xabi? What’s goin’ on?”

Not explaining any further than he’d wanted to, Xabi simply pulled Steven up to his feet and ignored his barrage of questions.

“Come on, I want to take you somewhere.”

Grabbing their jackets and Xabi’s car keys and after locking the apartment door carefully behind them, they were soon in Xabi’s car, driving to an unknown destination, making Steven wonder.

“Where the hell are we goin’? Are yer kidnappin’ me or somethin’?” Steven asked in a teasing tone as his eyes roamed outside the car window, trying to familiarize the roads where Xabi’s car was taking them.

“Can’t you tell where we’re going?” Xabi replied calmly, his eyes fixated firmly on the road.

“Well,” Steven answered before pausing. “How the hell would I know? We could be goin’ anywhere! You’re the one that’s drivin’.”

“Don’t get so tensed, Stevie…I just want to take you somewhere, you’ll understand when we get there.”

And before long, they reached the destination Xabi had intended and when he had parked his car at the side of the road, Steven threw a questioning look at the Spaniard.

“Anfield?”

“Si,” Xabi answered with a smile at Steven’s puzzled face. “Come on, Stevie. Let’s go.”

Before Steven could question Xabi any further, he’d already gotten out of the car and the driver’s door was already slammed shut, leaving him in the car alone. Shaking his head, Steven then quickly followed Xabi who had already made his way towards the Shankly Gates.

“Xabi, wait up!” he shouted as he quickened his steps.

Hearing Steven’s voice behind him, Xabi merely rolled his eyes and gestured for him to walk faster.

“You are too slow, Stevie!” he mocked complained when Steven finally stood beside him.

“I’m not slow, I’m just wonderin’ what we’re doin’ here,” Steven replied while grumbling low in his throat. “We could’ve stayed on in yer apartment but instead we’re here now. It’s off season and there’s no footy anyway. Why are we even here?”

There were a few people walking along the road near the stadium area, Xabi may have noticed them or perhaps he didn’t care because without answering Steven’s questions and ignoring anyone that might see them, he slid an arm around his neck, drawing him closer against his body. His fingers slowly caressing the nape of Steven’s neck made goosebumps rise on Steven’s skin, sending lovely chills down his spine.

“Xabi? What’s goin’ on?”

“Do you remember when we came here years ago with Jamie?” Xabi asked softly in Steven’s ear. “When we went to watch Liverpool play Everton, the first Liverpool game I ever went to? And you told me that I’d love this club with my heart and that I won’t ever forget the experience of my first visit here?”

As Xabi had said that, Steven’s memories came flooding back and he clearly recalled that day, the day Liverpool triumphantly defeated their rivals with a convincing victory and he’d remembered how Xabi had gotten all excited after the match, a complete contrast to when they’d first arrived at Anfield.

“Yes I do remember it, yer got dead excited and wanted to be an instant season ticket holder after the game!” Steven laughed. “Then when I told yer that yer’d need to wait twenty years to get one, yer face dropped and I felt so sorry for yer that I had to treat yer to some chips just to get yer smilin’ again. I know yer love them chips!”

“Stevie,” Xabi murmured with eyes shining with love, “that day…I won’t ever forget that day.”

“Of course yer won’t. That was the first day yer had watched a Liverpool game! Yer couldn’t have forgotten it easily! No one would!”

“No, silly,” Xabi said as he turned Steven around so that they were now facing each other. “I won’t forget that day for a totally different reason and yes, of course because of Liverpool too but there is another reason that will make me forget that day till the day I die.”

Looking at Xabi then as he spoke, Steven felt as if he was talking to a totally different person than the one he’d been friends with since years ago. It was a subtle thing but it was good nevertheless. And maybe he was seeing things but Steven had never seen Xabi being more gorgeous than how he’d looked standing right there before him at that very moment. How could he have been so blind before? How could he have not seen it? The person he’d loved was right there in front of him all along.

“Why won’t yer forget that day? Tell me.”

Steven’s own arms were holding Xabi close now and he didn’t care either if anyone was watching them. He liked the thought that he could show anyone how much love he was feeling for Xabi. His Xabi.

“When I had lost my memory, I remembered asking you how we’d fallen in love. Do you remember me asking you that?”

Steven nodded and smiled. “Yes I do. And I’d lied tryin’ to save me arse then. I’d lied sayin’ I had fallen in love with yer when we were in college.”

“Well, when you’d taken me to watch the game, we were in college, si?”

“Yes,” Steven answered intrigued. He was wondering where Xabi was going with the whole conversation.

“What are yer tryin’ to tell me, Xabi?”

There they were in front one of the most famous stadiums in the world, hands on each other’s arms, bodies close to each other with almost nothing in between them when Xabi looked Steven directly in the eye and confessed something he’d kept a secret for a very long time.

“I remembered you putting your arms around me that day, and you’d told me how I won’t ever forget that day for the rest of my life. I’d remembered that day as one of the best days of my life, Stevie. Because that was the day that I realised…that I realised that my feelings for you went beyond what a friend should feel for another friend. I realised that day that I could never be just a friend to you, not without wanting to hold you and kiss you and love you. I had loved you then, Stevie, and I have never stopped loving you since. I love you. I love you with all my heart. And I’m so glad that I have you now.”

The whole time that Xabi had spoken, all Steven could see were Xabi’s eyes. He was left there mesmerized, not knowing whether to laugh or cry at Xabi’s confession. He’d never felt so touched in his life and right at that moment, his heart was soaring so high, he was afraid that if it ever fall, it was going to break into pieces.

“Xabi,” Steven whispered and leaned his forehead against his new found love. “Do yer believe that if we want something badly, it will happen?”

“I do believe it, Stevie. I believe it with all my heart. Because you happened, Stevie.”

Loving that he was being careless and carefree, Steven then leaned in and captured Xabi’s lips in a gentle and tender kiss.

“I have to thank yer mum for makin’ this happen. Because if she hadn’t mistaken me for yer lover that night at the hospital, I would never have that crazy idea to lie and pretend that we’re together.”

Hearing that, Xabi chuckled against Steven’s lips. “And I’ve another confession to make.”

“Another one?” Steven asked surprised. “What else haven’t yer told me, eh?”

“Well,” Xabi began as he led them to his car once again. “Years back, when I thought I could never have you…I sort of told my mum about you.”

“You did?” Steven replied with amused eyes. “What did yer tell her?”

They were now right by Xabi’s car and Steven was leaning against the passenger door. Without a second thought, Xabi cupped Steven’s face in his hands and pressed his mouth to his, licking his lips and willed Steven to part his lips underneath his. It was an easy challenge though for in no time at all, they were engaged in another passionate kiss, tongues slipping and sliding against one another. Steven’s arms had snaked around his waist to hold him close and Xabi sighed pleasurably at the feel of his body against his.

“What did yer tell yer mum?” Steven whispered against Xabi’s lips after he’d torn his lips away.

Both of them hardly noticed the slight drizzle that had started to fall upon them. Brushing away a few droplets of rain off Steven’s eyes, Xabi smiled at his man in front of him with a feeling of complete happiness he’d never ever felt before in his life.

“My mother, she had asked me whether I was in love. She said that I’d looked like a lost puppy during one of my holidays in Spain. I’d looked like I was missing someone and she was right then. I was missing you. And I’d described her to you…how you looked like. I told her about your blue eyes that I love so much. And I guess she put two and two together and that’s how she recognised you that night, Stevie.”

He pulled away after a couple of seconds and watched Steven’s eyes transfixed on his. He tried to convey the rest of his feelings but knowing mere words were never enough to tell him how much he loved him, he claimed Steven’s lips in another breathtaking kiss.

“I love you,” Xabi whispered again against Steven’s lips. “I don’t ever want to lose you.”

“God, I love yer too, Xabi. I probably have loved yer ever since forever too…I just didn’t know it.”

Trying to transfer every single thought of love he had in his heart for Xabi, Steven pulled him for another urgent kiss.

“I love yer so much, it’s even scarin’ me now. But I don’t ever want to lose this feeling, Xabi. Not now, not ever.”

“I’m yours, Stevie,” Xabi said as they broke away again from each other’s tight grasp.

Xabi knew exactly now where he’d gotten Steven; right at the very core of his heart. And with their hands entwined together, they made their way back to Xabi’s apartment as the promise of a new life together awaits them. The true love they have in their hearts for each other was just about to begin.

How Did I Fall? (In Love With You)(Part 9/10)

2009-07-13T10:19:22Z

Title : How Did I Fall? (In Love With You)(Part 9/10)
Pairing : Steven Gerrard/Xabi Alonso
Rating : PG13
Summary : What happens when the three men finally meet together? Will Stevie admit his feelings to Xabi or will Xabi choose Matt over Steven?
Disclaimer : This is a story contrived from my imagination.
Warnings : Romance, angst.
Feedbacks : I'd love to hear your feedback and comments. It keeps me going.
A/N : One more chapter to go and I'm done.

Part 8
Part 7
Part 6
Part 5
Part 4
Part 3
Part 2
Part 1

How Did I Fall? (In Love With You)(Part 9/10)

“What are you doing here, Steven?”

Steven’s blood was boiling. How dare Matt ask him that? How dare he come back and set foot in front of Xabi’s doorstep again after he’d told him to get lost the other night? How dare he? His fists were clenched tight at his sides and if it wasn’t for Xabi, Steven would have swung his fists at Matt’s face. The mere sight of him standing there in front of him with Xabi had made Steven ill with jealousy. He’d seen how their fingers had been laced together but he’d also noticed how Xabi had pulled them back from Matt’s hold when he’d realised his presence there. That had to count for something, Steven suddenly wondered and hoped not everything was lost.

“Stevie, why are you here again? We’re in the middle of an important discussion if you haven’t noticed,” Matt repeated his earlier question much to Steven’s disgust. He was really annoying him now.

“I’m here to see Xabi and it’s really none of yer business why I’m here at all.”

During his exchange of words with Matt, Xabi never once took his eyes off Steven. In fact, he hadn’t taken his eyes off him ever since he’d been there. He’d never really seen this side of him before, firm and assertive, and it made him look at Steven in a totally new light. And when Steven suddenly turned his attention on him, when their eyes met, the knots in his stomach tightened so much he felt his breath constrict in his throat.

“Stevie, why are you here?”

Xabi’s voice was gentle as he asked Steven the question. His controlled emotions were nothing compared to the chaos in his mind and he was really hoping Steven would not misunderstand his question.

Suddenly the air was thick with tension when all three men felt silent, lips sealed with unspoken words. Matt’s eyes began to dart back and forth between Xabi and Steven and his curiosity soon got the better of him.

“What the hell is going on?” he asked impatiently and tugged at Xabi’s arm. “Is this some kind of staring contest between you both because if it is then this bastard should come over another time. We need to talk about us, Xabi. That’s more important.”

Upon hearing that, Steven immediately opened his mouth to tell Matt to fuck off and get lost but before he could even say anything, he’d heard Xabi say words he’d never thought he’d actually hear him say, not in front of him, not in this lifetime, because to Steven, Matt had always been Xabi’s Achilles heel. He’d always been his weakness and he could never say no to him. But this time, Xabi had surprised him.

“I think you better leave, Matt.”

“You what? You want me to leave?”

Matt’s surprised voice was bordering between a shriek and a squeak and Steven tried hard to stifle himself from laughing out loud.

“You cannot make me leave, Xabi!” he cried and grabbed both of Xabi’s arms and turned him around so that they were now face to face, eye to eye. “We need to talk. We need to discuss things about us and how we’re gonna make it work this time. Please, Xabi. Please. Give me that chance!”

“There is nothing more to talk about,” Xabi calmly answered as he wriggled his way out of Matt’s grasp. “There is no more us. There has never been one. Whatever we had, it was a lie, Matt. All of it was a lie and you know it. And I’m not going to live that lie again.”

“But Xabi, you can’t!”

“I can and I will. Just leave, Matt. I don’t want to see you again. I don’t want you anymore. We can’t do this anymore.”

Xabi turned his head away and took a step back, leaving Matt completely shocked and speechless.

“Did this jerk put things into your mind?” Matt then said accusingly and pointed a finger at Steven. “Did he say things to yer so that you’ll leave me? Is he what this is all about? Is this all about this fucking bastard here?”

A small laughter escaped Xabi’s lips and he shook his head at Matt, with a wry smile now plastered on his face.

“Steven did not do anything. This has nothing at all to do with him,” Xabi replied but suddenly he shook his head again after he’d said those words, as if trying to correct what he had said. Then, his eyes were upon Steven making Steven gulped.

“Xabi?” Steven murmured as he tried to take in the gorgeous eyes that were set upon him. His heart was beating like mad waiting for what Xabi had to say and when he’d finally said it, Steven let out his breath he didn’t know he’d been holding.

“I was wrong when I said this had nothing to do with Steven,” Xabi began after a short pause. “This has everything to do with him and I’m glad he’s made me see what a stupid person I’ve been all this while.”

“I can’t believe this is happening!” Matt groaned and his face flushed with anger listening to Xabi’s admission. “Are you choosing this idiot over me?”

“Steven helped me to understand that I don’t need to be in this so called relationship with you. He’s made me see that there are better things that I could have without having you in my life. Other things that are far more important and meaningful. I could have the love that I want and that’s something I can never have with you, Matt. Not with you.”

“Fucking bastard, you fucking bastard!” Matt spat and in his fit of anger, he tried to swing his fist at Steven but then, before Steven even knew what was happening, Xabi’s fist had already connected with Matt’s jaw and that hard contact made him stagger back and he groaned in pain as his back hit the wall behind him.

“Xabi, yer fuckin’ hit him!” Steven cried with wide eyes, not quite believing what had actually happened in front of him. “Yer hit the bastard!”

“He was going to hit you, wasn’t he? I was only trying to protect you.”

“Aww, Xabi, I think I can take care of me self but that was actually great, yer punching him!” Steven grinned and for the first time in many days, Steven had actually smiled a genuine smile and when he saw the delight in Xabi’s eyes as he praised him, Steven thought perhaps things were beginning to fall into place just like the way he’d wanted.

“Fuckin’ hell, Xabi, yer fuckin’ hit him! I’m thoroughly impressed. Although yer do know that I don’t condone violence?”

“I don’t either but this had to be done,” Xabi replied with a wink and Steven’s grin grew even wider.

Matt’s sudden cries broke the little moment between the two friends. They returned their attention on him once again and Steven saw that Matt had straightened himself and was rubbing furiously at his slightly damaged jaw. As he was about to walk up to them, Steven quickly blocked his way and shoved him back once again. He placed his hand upon the wall behind Matt and leaned in really close, his face an intimidating glare that made Matt slightly shiver with fear.

“You’re a bully, Gerrard. You’re a fucking bully,” he hissed despite the nerves taking over his body. “You’re not getting away with this.”

“A bully, eh? Well not so much as how you’ve been one to Xabi. Yer bullied him around when yer were together and that’s not gonna happen again,” Steven replied, his voice low and daunting. “Now listen, dickhead. Yer’ve heard what Xabi said. He wants yer to leave. So I’m expectin’ yer to be gone in a matter of seconds now. It’s over between yer and him, get that into that fuckin’ thick skull of yers! And if I ever see yer here again, God help me I’ll do somethin’ yer know yer’re gonna regret ever settin’ foot on this building again. Yer hear me?”

Moments later, after Matt had finally gone, both men settled into Xabi’s kitchen, sitting face to face in the little dining area of the apartment. Xabi had made them some drinks and after finishing it, he’d put their glasses aside and was now fidgeting nervously with his fingers that were placed upon the little table that was separating them from each other. Steven looked at Xabi’s hands on the table top and had the sudden urge to grab them with his. He wanted to weave his fingers with his but he wasn’t brave enough to do so.

“How have you been, Stevie?” Xabi began and Steven fought the urge to swear at Xabi’s question.

“I’ve been good,” he lied instead and gritted his teeth. “What about yer?”

Xabi on the other hand chose not to follow Steven on the lying department and blankly told his friend how awful he’d felt ever since their confrontation a few days back.

“I’m sorry, Xabi. I’ve felt awful too. It’s the only thing I could ever think of every day,” Steven finally admitted after hearing Xabi’s own admission. “I’m sorry.”

“Tell me, Stevie. Why are you really here?”

Steven then shifted his eyes from Xabi’s hands to his face. When blue eyes met brown, Steven could feel the weight of Xabi’s stare piercing into his soul. The intense look Xabi had fixed on him almost made Steven blurt out all the things he’d wanted to say. But he held on to his restraints and only let out a soft sigh in the end. When he’d managed to gather his nerves, Steven began to speak.

“I came because I wanted to…I wanted to return yer keys.”

It wasn’t an actual lie this time. He’d wanted to do so. Other than tell Xabi his feelings of course.

Reaching deep into his pocket, Steven then took out Xabi’s apartment keys he’d kept with him and placed it carefully on top of the table.

“I guess yer should have them back. I mean, I don’t need to keep it with me anymore.”

Ignoring the keys Steven had placed in front of him, Xabi simply got straight to the point as the agony of waiting was killing him.

“Is that the real reason why you came here? To simply return the keys?”

Steven was not prepared for that question. He’d expected Xabi to simply accept his reasons but obviously he’d been wrong. And Xabi’s actions so far that day had surprised him somewhat.

“Xabi,” he began nervously. “Yer know that’s not the real reason why I’m here, not really anyway.”

“Tell me what it is then, Stevie.”

After mulling for a few seconds, Steven gathered his courage again and decided it was no use hiding his feelings any longer.

“I know I shouldn’t be here now, I don’t even know how to start really but I just needed to know, I just needed to know somethin’ from yer,” he finally admitted.

And that sentence, no matter how one would like to interpret it, had gotten Xabi’s full attention. The serious look Steven was wearing, with the creases on his forehead evident whenever he was deep in thought, sent a nervous sensation down Xabi’s spine. Years of being friends and Xabi had learned to read his deepest thoughts and fears. But this time, he needed more clarity from him before he could determine what it was that was clouding his friend’s mind.

“What are you saying, Stevie?” he asked gently again as he leaned his body slightly forward against the table. “What are you trying to tell me?”

“Xabi, I…I…”

Steven began to stammer. There were so many things he’d wanted to say but he simply could not form the right sentence at that moment. He could not find the right words. And he did not want to mess this once in a lifetime opportunity to tell Xabi his feelings. He’d wanted to make sure that when he does finally say it, the words would be perfect and beautiful and that Xabi would be so gob smacked impressed that he simply could not deny him.

“Why are you here?”

I’m here because I can’t stop thinkin’ about yer, Xabi. I can’t sleep at night without yer holdin’ me, without yer kissin’ me. Yer may think I’m crazy but I am! I’m crazy in love with yer…

Those were the words Steven badly needed Xabi to know but it was proving much more difficult to express as time ticked on by.

“Steven?”

The way Xabi pronounced his name sounded like music to Steven’s ears. How he had never realised how sexy his name sounded whenever Xabi had said it he would never understand. It seemed so effortless and intriguing suddenly.

“Steven?”

“Yes?” Steven finally answered.

“Tell me, por favor?”

At that point, Steven thought he was ready to tell Xabi everything but instead he began to change the subject again.

“Before I say anythin’, I’m really glad yer did the right thing with that jerk. If yer had taken him back I’d seriously kill myself.”

Xabi let out a chuckle and a smile despite being annoyed that Steven had once again failed to answer his question. His stomach had been churning nervously after they’d been left alone and now Steven was clearly avoiding the topic he desperately needed answers to. But he didn’t want to push Steven so in the end he thought that it was best he’d play it Steven’s way.

“You wouldn’t do it, Stevie. I mean, you would not kill yourself and besides, I would have stopped you,” Xabi said with that little smile still plastered on his face. “And you know I won’t take him back because I’d already told you, it’s over between me and Matt. It’s over. It’s finished.”

“I know…but…but anythin’ can happen, Xabi,” Steven tried to explain himself. “I’ve seen crazier things happen in me lifetime. Anythin’ at all can happen.”

“Why are you here, Steven? Other than to return me my keys, that is. Please tell me.”

Ahh fuck, Xabi, yer simply won’t quit, would yer?

It was Steven’s turn then to fidget nervously with his fingers. His pulse had quickened and he became acutely aware of how tensed the situation had gotten.

Just tell him! Yer’ve got nothin’ else to lose!

“Xabi,” Steven began nervously, “I think…I think that we need to talk, to talk about some things that need some discussin’ about.”

Xabi nodded his head in agreement. His eyes were serious as he looked intently at the Englishman in front of him. “We do, Stevie.”

“Xabi, before yer say anythin’ at all, I want to apologise again for what I did to yer. I want to say I’m sorry, for lyin’ to yer and not tellin’ yer the whole truth after yer lost part of yer memory. And like what I told yer earlier, I was only tryin’ to help and I’d never do anythin’ to hurt yer on purpose. Yer’ve got to believe me on that. Even though I know what I’ve done was really stupid, but…but it was the only thing I could do at that moment, when yer mother came and asked me all those questions. I didn’t want to upset her and yer. But I’m still very, very sorry.”

After he’d finished his apologetic rant, Steven bit his lip and looked down, casting his eyes away from Xabi’s piercing look. But when Xabi reached across the table to separate his fidgety nervous hands before weaving their fingers together, Steven could do nothing but return his eyes on Xabi. He could feel Xabi’s thumbs lightly caressing his knuckles and if it was supposed to calm his nerves, it was having the complete opposite effect. His heart started beating like crazy and he felt like falling off the chair he was sitting on.

“Steven, I believe you, Steven. And I’ve forgiven you. For everything.”

“Yer have?” Steven asked timidly.

“Yes I have. And I understand why you did it. I’m sorry for getting upset but you do understand why I acted that way, don’t you? You can understand why I was upset?”

“I do,” Steven gulped. Xabi’s hands were still gripping his and he could not believe it. He simply could not believe it.

Get a grip, Steven. It’s only, Xabi!

“You made me think things that weren’t really real, Stevie.”

“I’m sorry, Xabi,” Steven murmured. “It was my mistake. And I’m really sorry.”

But it was real, Xabi! It’s fuckin’ real! All those feelings I have for yer…it’s real.

“And like I’ve said, I’ve forgiven you.”

There was then silence. Both men sat facing each other without really knowing what to say after that. Both had thousands of things to say to the other but no one really knew how or where to start. Their fingers were still laced together and Steven thought he could go on sitting there forever if it meant having Xabi by his side.

“Stevie,” Xabi then said his friend’s name, breaking the unearthly silence. “I’ve been meaning to tell you something.”

Oh God, Steven, this is it! But yer can’t let him say anythin’ without yer tellin’ him how yer feel first!

“I’ve wanted to tell yer somethin’ too, Xabi.”

“What is it then?” Xabi enquired, tilting his head slightly. “Maybe you should tell me first.”

“No, yer go ahead first, Xabi.”

Fuckin’ hell, Steven! Don’t be such a bloody coward!

“You said that you came here to discuss about things. What are those things?”

“Oh yer’re really killin’ me with this, Xabi,” Steven lamented and tried to ignore Xabi’s stare but before he could even move, before he could pull his hands away and get up from where he was sitting, Xabi had blocked his way, bringing his little stool right in front of Steven so he could not go anywhere even if he’d wanted to. Steven was trapped between the wall to his back and Xabi.

“What are yer doin’, Xabi?” Steven whimpered.

“What things, Stevie?” Xabi demanded in return and Steven could only gulp at his persistence.

His earlier confidence had disappeared and he didn’t know how to start telling Xabi all his bottled up feelings. His throat had gone dry and before too long, he’d started biting on his lower lip again, a habit he’d do whenever he was too nervous. And apparently, that was a known fact to Xabi.

“What are you nervous about?”

“Who said that I was nervous?” Steven replied defensively despite himself. “Why do you think I’m nervous?”

“Well you are biting your lip. You always do that when you’re nervous. And when you’re thinking of something and don’t really quite know how to say it. And you’ve been doing that ever since you’ve been here.”

“Yer’ve been tryin’ to figure me out, Xabi?”

“No, Stevie. I think I’ve known you well enough by now. I do not need to figure out anything. Please just tell me what’s on your mind…please?”

“Tell me something I want to know,” Xabi thought silently, urging Steven to let out his feelings.

He leaned in nearer and could tell straightaway that Steven was holding his breath. Xabi had a good thought to slam their lips together but he held back and proceeded to wait patiently as Steven’s defenses began to break down.

“Well, I think…I think that it’s time that we should talk about…talk about…”

“Talk about what?” Xabi breathed.

“Us,” Steven answered, finally finding his voice. He pulled away slightly to look into Xabi’s gentle eyes, the whole situation driving his insides crazy, tormenting him slowly.

“Us,” Xabi murmured and Steven nodded in return. But nothing else was being said after that other than him realising that he was being backed up further against the wall behind him.

Trapped with nowhere to go as Xabi placed both hands against the wall on either side of his face, Steven swallowed hard when Xabi leaned in further, the slight pressure that he applied making it a bit hard for Steven to concentrate. In fact, his mind had gone blank ages ago when Xabi had pulled his hands in his.

“What’s us, Stevie? What is there to talk about concerning us?” Xabi asked.

He’d leaned in so close, the question had sounded like a mere whisper as he’d said it in Steven’s ear.

“Xabi, what happened that night…when I kissed yer…”

“Yes, Steven?”

Steven closed his eyes when Xabi’s cheeks brushed against his. He thought he was going to pass out anytime soon and if it weren’t for Xabi, Steven was sure he’d fallen to the floor at any given moment. His head had fallen back against the wall and Xabi’s hot breath so close to his face was making Steven lose his senses. There was no air left in his lungs and all Steven could offer Xabi was a small whimper when he felt what he imagined to be a pair of his sensuous lips sliding along his jaw line. And if he had wanted to ask Xabi what the hell he was doing, Steven hadn’t bothered to do so because the feeling that was creeping through his entire body at Xabi’s touches was too exquisite to resist.

“Tell me, Stevie…”

“Xabi,” Steven began with a gasp, “…when I did what I did, it was merely because…because we were friends and that I wanted to help yer but…but somethin’ else has happened, Xabi. Somethin’ that I can’t explain…”

Xabi’s moist lips had reached Steven’s sensitive spot right underneath his ear and the pit of his stomach was churning like crazy at the pleasurable sensation Xabi had created. And when he felt the tip of Xabi’s tongue tracing the outer shell of his ear, Steven groaned out loud and gripped Xabi’s arms hard.

“Xabi, yer drivin’ me crazy…”

“Tell me more, Stevie. Make me understand what you want…”

“Xabi…I care about yer, yer do know that.”

As Steven had said that, Xabi pulled back slightly but not far enough for Steven to regain his composure. His breathing was ragged and he felt as if the room was spinning right before his very eyes. Their faces were still very close, their foreheads and noses touching each other, their breaths mingling. Steven could not fight a silent gasp from escaping his mouth when Xabi suddenly brought up his hands to cup his face in between them. With his lips slightly parted, Xabi leaned in and whispered against his mouth.

“I do know you care for me, Stevie. You’ve told it to me before. But tell me something I do not know, Stevie. Tell me something I want to hear…”

“What do yer want me to say, Xabi?”

His heart was pounding so loudly that Steven could only hear his words as a strained whisper as he repeated himself. “What do yer want me to say?”

“Tell me what you’re feeling, for me…right now. Tell me, Stevie,” Xabi urged breathlessly. “Please…”

“Xabi, I…I think, I think…I’m in love with yer. I love yer…and I want yer so much…”

The last remnants of restraint from Xabi’s body immediately melted away as soon as those words were said and without further hesitation, he captured Steven’s lips with his and as soon as their mouths connect, he felt Steven’s mouth part instantly to let his tongue slide in, to crash and tangle together passionately in a hot searing kiss.

How Did I Fall? (In Love With You)(Part 8/10)

2009-07-04T11:54:03Z

Title : How Did I Fall? (In Love With You)(Part 8/10)
Pairing : Steven Gerrard/Xabi Alonso
Rating : PG13
Summary : Both Stevie and Xabi do some soul searching and discover what they both had known all along.
Disclaimer : This is a story contrived from my imagination.
Warnings : Romance, angst.
Feedbacks : I'd love to hear your feedback and comments. It keeps me going.
A/N : This chapter took me forever. I hope this is ok.

Part 7
Part 6
Part 5
Part 4
Part 3
Part 2
Part 1

How Did I Fall? (In Love With You)(Part 8/10)

“I missed Xabi last night.”

Jamie who had invited Steven out for breakfast could only smirk at his friend after he’d heard him whine over Xabi for the umpteenth time that morning. He had wanted to see how his friend was doing after his so called ‘break up’ with Xabi and unsurprisingly, what Jamie had seen so far was what he’d predicted all along. Steven was a mess.

“So yer missed him last night, eh?” Jamie asked with an amused tone. “What about the night before? And the previous two nights? Did yer miss him then?”

Steven’s unhappy scowl told Jamie he shouldn’t continue teasing his miserable friend but the sorry sight before him was intriguing Jamie so much, he couldn’t help but do otherwise.

“Did yer miss his kisses too, Stevie? Did yer miss him kissin’ yer to sleep?”

“Fuck off if yer’ve got nothin’ better to say to me,” Steven hissed angrily. He could feel his face flushed, turning bright red from Jamie’s teasing and knew it was obvious enough for everyone to see. “Are we havin’ breakfast or is this turnin’ into some laughin’ matter to amuse yerself?”

“God, Stevie, I’m sorry!” Jamie quickly apologised when he saw Steven’s face, ruddy with anger and embarrassment. “Yer know I didn’t mean to make fun of yer, I’m sorry, alright? It’s just that yer look dead miserable and I can’t help myself but say those things. Yer are really miserable without Xabi!”

Hearing that, Steven let out a loud groan but it was muffled because he’d covered his face with his hands. He couldn’t argue much about the latter part though because every word Jamie had said was true. The past few days had been terribly awful. Not only was he missing him but Xabi’s parting words before he’d left his apartment had left him feeling completely terrible.

You made me feel like a fool…you lied to me.

Steven hadn’t meant to make Xabi feel like he’d played with his feelings but he couldn’t fault his friend for being angry at him because he understood the part he’d played had caused Xabi pain.

I’m sorry, Xabi. I’m really sorry.

From the moment he’d kissed Xabi, Steven knew he’d gotten himself into trouble. He’d gotten in too deep with everything, with his character and his feelings for Xabi, when all he had wanted to do was thread the water. And now, he could not even find the surface from where he’d fallen. There was simply no turning back for Steven.

A few seconds later, when he looked up again at Jamie, he saw that his friend was still wearing that wry smile on his face and it annoyed the hell out of him.

“Can yer wipe off that stupid smirk on yer face, Jamie? Or else I’m gonna leave!”

“Okay, okay! I’ll stop it!” Jamie answered but his grin only got wider and Steven had had enough.

Not able to take anymore of Jamie’s teasing, Steven stormed off in anger, leaving his friend blinking in subdued shock. It took a second or two before Jamie eventually realised what had happened; Steven had actually walked off on their breakfast meeting leaving a few weird stares coming his way from some curious patrons of his favourite coffee house who were sitting nearby him.

“Fuckin’ hell, that twat walked out on me,” Jamie cursed inwardly and quickly made his way out after he’d paid the bill. And what had embarrassed Jamie further was when he’d gotten a cheeky remark from the waiter that had waited on their table.

“I hope you work it out with your partner.”

“Fuckin’ hell, I’m not his partner!” Jamie recalled what he’d shouted at the waiter and shook his head both in annoyance and embarassment.

“Stevie, wait!” he called on to his friend after he’d finally managed to catch up with the annoyed Steven. Grabbing his shoulders, Jamie turned him around and shook him hard, hoping he’d get some sense into Steven’s head.

“Fuck, Stevie, yer left me red faced in there!”

“Well it served yer right, yer bastard,” Steven hissed and wriggled away from Jamie’s hold, shoving him hard at his chest.

They were at the end of the street, a few shops away from the restaurant they’d been in earlier and Jamie was thankful there was no one around to see Steven’s little tantrum. He shielded himself from Steven’s fists that kept beating on him as he rained on hurtful words.

“I’m sorry, alright! I’m sorry!” Jamie yelled as Steven kept shoving him back and despite the abuse he was getting, he wouldn’t give up on his friend.

He simply let Steven have his way, let him say those offensive words if it meant him getting Steven’s attention again.

“I’m sorry, Stevie, I know I was a complete bastard to yer but please, listen to me, I want to help yer. Let me help yer both!”

“And how the hell are yer goin’ to do that?” Steven snarled, his eyes blazing with anger. “He doesn’t want to talk to me, he doesn’t even want to answer my calls. He fuckin’ hates me! The lad fuckin’ hates me!”

“He doesn’t hate yer, Stevie. He’s just as confused as yer are!” Jamie reasoned.

“I’m not confused! Who’s sayin’ I’m confused? I’m not!”

Though Steven preferred not to dwell on the subject matter further than already what had been said, he knew he could not keep on denying what he was feeling for Xabi. It was unavoidable and he had to face his demons sooner rather than later.

“Stevie, please…let me help yer.”

Jamie’s hands were on his shoulders again and this time Steven did not flinch back.

“I don’t have feelings for him if that’s what yer’re thinkin’,” Steven lied. “Yer’re wrong, Jamie.”

“If I am wrong, then why were yer so worked up about this Xabi thing whenever I mentioned it? Why did yer say yer missed him? Why have yer not been able to stop talkin’ about Xabi ever since that day he asked yer to buzz off from his apartment?”

Steven groaned and lowered his eyes from Jamie’s stare because his words had hit him hard.

After he’d left Xabi’s apartment that day, Steven always had an uneasy feeling churning inside of him. He felt things were never really settled between him and Xabi and because of that he could never contemplate and figure what was going to happen next. He had tried calling him, wanting to apologise for the mistakes he’d made but Xabi had so far refused to answer his calls and it had left Steven utterly disappointed.

He’d tried telling himself that it was best to forget all that had happened but so far, he’d failed miserably. He couldn’t forget those nights he’d felt lying in Xabi’s arms. He’d felt contented, protected and loved. He’d felt all of those feelings and he’d missed it terribly. And he’d gotten so used to having Xabi’s warmth that he’d needed to have him by his side to fall asleep at night.

He’d cried the first night when he’d had to sleep alone. He had wanted Xabi to hold him again even though he knew he was being absurd because all that had been was what he had made up himself. And now he had to live without it. But try as he might, he couldn’t imagine not having Xabi in his life again. That’s why he was so worked up about it.

How could he get on without the Spaniard in his life? He simply couldn’t.

He’d wanted to say all that to Jamie but in the end he’d only managed a few words that Steven thought would best sum up his pent up feelings.

“Because…because he’s my friend. And…and I’ve lost his trust.”

“And it has nothin’ at all to do with yer feelings for him?” Jamie asked again.

“What fuckin’ feelings? I’ve no fuckin’ feelings for him if yer are implyin’ that! I’ve already told yer!”

Steven hated that Jamie could see past his lies. He turned his back and tried to walk away from his friend again but his arm was tugged back and in no time at all, Jamie’s face was right back in front of him.

“Don’t yer go runnin’ away from me again, Stevie. Come and face this problem yer’re havin’ like the man yer are!”

“But a man don’t go round havin’ feelings for another man! Especially not for his close friend! Not Xabi!” Steven cried. “Not him…especially not him.”

“So what are yer sayin’ now? Are yer sayin’ you’re not a man for havin’ feelings for him?” Jamie asked gently this time, coaxing his friend to admit to his feelings. “Stevie, yer know sometimes we can’t stop these things from happenin’…and I know this is hard for yer mate but yer’ve got to face it, Stevie. Yer’ve got to own up to yer feelings.”

“Ahh fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” Steven cried out in anguish. He groaned, hiding his face in his hands and then after what seemed like an eternity, he finally looked up at Jamie once again.

“But I’m not…I’m not…”

“Yer are not what? Yer’re not gay?”

Steven nodded his head. Jamie had hit the spot.

“I’m not.”

“Maybe yer’re not…maybe yer’re not gay, maybe yer’re just in love with Xabi. That’s all.”

“What did yer say?” Steven gasped. His eyes were wide and round and he wore a hopeful look at Jamie.

“What? Are yer surprised I said that? That yer love Xabi? Is that what yer really want to hear, Stevie?”

“I,” Steven gestured helplessly, “I don’t know.”

“Stevie, I’ve known it all along, okay? No, let me say that again. I’ve figured yer’ve got to have some kind of feelings for him for yer to act the way yer do around him! I mean come on, Stevie! All through college and now, as we speak, yer’ve always been very protective of him. Yer care about him more than his boyfriend ever did! And have yer ever asked yerself why yer never got into a serious relationship with anyone? I think it’s because yer’ve loved Xabi all yer life but yer never seemed to see it and this whole bloody mess has opened yer eyes somewhat!”

Steven was left dumbfounded as he heard Jamie speak. He simply could not say a word after that. He was rendered speechless. Jamie had said everything he had ever feared of and now it was all out in the open.

“Oh god, what should I do now, Jamie,” Steven then said after his mind was finally working again. “What should I do?”

“Go see him, Stevie. Go see Xabi and tell him how yer feel. Tell him the truth.”

“But what if…what if he doesn’t feel the same way?” Steven asked meekly. He wouldn’t be able to cope if Xabi were to deny him his feelings. He couldn’t take another rejection.

“Yer have to risk it, Stevie. But what’s more important is for yer to tell him everythin’ so yer can stop bein’ so miserable all the time. I can’t stand yer bein’ so miserable mate, I want my old happy Stevie back! Not to mention Xabi too!”

“But…but if he hates me and rejects me, I’d still be miserable,” Steven said, not quite believing he was actually, finally, admitting his feelings to Jamie. “I’d be a wreck.”

“But at least now yer’d know where yer stand with him and I’d still be yer friend no matter what,” Jamie said with a smile. “Go see him, Stevie. Tell him the truth.”

Knowing he’d nothing left to lose, Steven thanked and nodded to his friend and with his heart pumping like it might just burst out of his body, Steven made his way towards Xabi’s apartment hoping that maybe, just maybe, things would somehow swing to his favour this time around.

Xabi sat cross legged on the carpeted floor of his bedroom right at the edge of his bed. In front of him were a few boxes he’d found under his bed after he’d rummaged through his belongings inside his apartment and photo albums he’d discovered inside of the boxes were scattered all around him as he flipped through the pictures slowly.

The confrontation he’d had with Steven a few days earlier were still fresh on his mind and ever since that day, he’d tried hard to search for more clues regarding his past and just like he’d hoped, he had gradually began to remember what had happened prior to the accident. Although it had pained him at first, it had also brought some sort of relief to himself. And the more Xabi remembered, the more he’d learned about what had happened before in his life, the anger he’d felt towards Steven when he’d realised he hadn’t been honest soon began to dissipate.

He understood now why Steven had done it. He understood why Steven had withheld the truth. It was because he’d wanted to protect him from ever getting hurt again. Because Steven had cared and he’d meant every word he’d said.

I’d never do anythin’ to hurt yer…

The picture he was looking at that moment tugged at his heartstrings. He remembered clearly when it was taken. It had been during their last year at college and just before they’d gone for their holidays, Jamie and Steven had insisted he’d follow them to a Liverpool game. His friends were die hard Liverpool supporters and whenever Steven had spoken of Liverpool, Xabi had never missed to see the glow in his eyes, the passion that showed Xabi how much Steven loved the club with all his heart.

“I only support my boyhood football club and that is Real Sociedad and I’m only coming here because of you both,” he’d said to his friends when they’d parked his car nearby Anfield.

It had been his first visit to the famous stadium and he’d felt tremendous awe when he’d first seen it, getting goose bumps all over his skin. He’d tried to hide his excitement from Steven and Jamie but Steven had seen it straightaway and when Jamie was busy getting some match programmes, Steven had quickly wrapped an arm around his shoulder before whispering in his ear words he’d never forget.

“Yer will love Liverpool just as much as I do. Yer won’t forget today, Xabi. No one ever forgets a trip to Anfield once they’ve experienced it and neither would yer. Yer’d remember it forever.”

“I still remember it, Stevie, I still do,” Xabi whispered, his voice cracking as he stared at the picture in his hands. He traced a finger on Steven’s face in the picture and suddenly, a warm tingling feeling began to envelope his whole body, making it shiver slightly.

They were both holding a Liverpool scarf and Steven had his eyes on him with a smile Xabi thought he’d seen the night when Steven had kissed him. It was the same look he’d given him. The same adoring look that had made his heart palpitate and his breathing quickened. Could Steven have had feelings for him then? Feelings he himself hadn’t known existed?

As quick as those thoughts had entered his mind, Xabi shook his head just as quickly to dismiss it.

Don’t be ridiculous, Xabi. Steven does not feel that way about you. He is your friend and he’s only trying to help you. He doesn’t have feelings for you. Not the way you’ve always wanted it to be.

“But he’d kissed me,” Xabi said out loud as if trying to negate those thoughts in his head. “He had kissed me.”

The same finger that had traced the picture began to skim along his lips and as Xabi remembered that night, he began to close his eyes. The way Steven had kissed him had been so tender and loving and how could anyone have done that without remotely feeling anything for the other? Xabi let out a shaky sigh, knowing it was foolish to be having thoughts again about Steven, thoughts he believed he’d buried long ago when he’d found Matt.

But Matt wasn’t Steven. Matt who he had hoped to find love and happiness with had only given him heartache and now, now as all the pieces began to fit together, Xabi finally was able, after all these years, admit that he’d only been with Matt for the sole purpose of killing his feelings for his friend. He’d understood now why his mother had mistaken Steven for his lover, for he’d told her once his feelings for Steven, describing him to her; his face, his eyes, his smile, everything about Steven that had won his heart without really disclosing his true identity. And when she’d seen him that night in the hospital, she’d immediately identified Steven as the person her son had fallen head over heels in love with.

After putting away the photo albums, Xabi sat on his living room’s sofa and let his mind wander. He knew now, that prior to the accident, he’d finally given up his relationship with Matt and that it had taken him weeks to finally admit that it had ended for the best. And Steven had always been there to give him encouragement.

“Yer’d always deserved better, Xabi. He’s always hurtin’ yer feelings. He doesn’t really care about yer, not really. I can see that. He brings yer to fancy parties and functions just to show yer off to his friends but when he doesn’t need yer, he treats yer like shit. He doesn’t love yer, Xabi. Not really.”

Steven was right of course and he’d always been right. Matt never really loved him. He’d enjoyed the sex rather than the pure emotional part of their relationship and Xabi had despised himself for letting Matt control their lives.

“So how does love really work, Steven?” he’d remembered asking Steven with teary eyes that night when he’d come running to his friend’s apartment after he’d broken up with Matt. “You’re not in a relationship yourself. How come you know so much?”

Steven’s gentle fingers had wiped his tears away and without really answering, Steven had pulled him into a fierce hug and only whispered soothing words in his ear.

“I may not be in a relationship, Xabi, and I may not really know how love works, but I do know that I care for yer. You are my friend and I hate yer bein’ like this.”

“Thanks, Stevie,” he’d muttered against Steven’s shoulder as he let himself be held in his friend’s strong arms.

“I’m sorry, Stevie, I’m so sorry,” Xabi suddenly murmured to himself after he’d pulled out of his thoughts. “I know you mean well.”

As soon as he’d said that, a knock on his front door startled Xabi. He turned to look at the time on the wall. It was almost noon and he wasn’t expecting any company. But then suddenly his heart jumped. What if it was Steven standing there on the other side of the door? Could it be him? Leaping quickly to his feet, Xabi made his way hurriedly across the room and twisted the doorknob before pulling it open. And who he’d seen after that made his heart stopped.

“Xabi?”

Xabi swallowed hard as the dark haired man standing before him was the last person he’d wanted to see. He’d wanted Steven but instead it was Matt standing there. Fuck, he didn’t want Matt, he’d wanted Steven!

“What do you want?” Xabi asked, his voice cold and unwelcoming. “What are you doing here again?”

“Please, please let me come in, Xabi,” Matt pleaded as he moved in closer towards Xabi. “I know I’ve hurt you and all that but please, please, I need to talk to you.”

“I don’t want to talk to you, there is nothing more to talk about.”

Xabi tried to push the door close but Matt was quicker and had somehow managed to prevent Xabi from doing so. They ended up standing there face to face in the hallway with Xabi’s eyes narrowed with anger at Matt. His chest was heaving as he tried hard to control his emotions.

“What else is there to say, Matt? There’s nothing else to say,” Xabi finally managed to say after some time. “It’s over between us, it is finished.”

“Please, Xabi. I just need you to listen to me. Please? And if you still hate me after this, I will leave.”

He had his hand on Xabi’s shoulder and Xabi grimaced at the touch. He pried the offending fingers away but Matt took the opportunity to lace theirs together.

“Give me a chance, please?”

“Matt, I…”

At that moment, a sudden movement at the corner of his eyes made Xabi’s head turned in an instant.

“Xabi…”

A surprised gasp escaped Xabi’s lips and the crestfallen face he’d seen standing there made it much, much worse.

It was Steven.

S/X Fic - How Did I Fall? (In Love With You)(Part 7/10)

2009-06-18T13:28:30Z

Title : How Did I Fall? (In Love With You)(Part 7/10)
Pairing : Steven Gerrard/Xabi Alonso
Rating : PG13
Summary : Stevie has yet to tell Xabi the truth but will it be too late when Xabi discovers it on his own?
Disclaimer : This is a story contrived from my imagination.
Warnings : Fluff, romance, angst.
Feedbacks : I'd love to hear your feedback and comments. It keeps me going.
A/N : This seventh chapter took longer because somehow it just won't work for me. I hope this is ok for all of you. *hugs*

Part 6
Part 5
Part 4
Part 3
Part 2
Part 1

How Did I Fall? (In Love With You)(Part 7/10)

For the next few days, Steven continued with his act, continued being the lover Xabi thought he was and even though he had promised Jamie he’d tell Xabi the truth, he couldn’t find the appropriate time and moment to break the news to Xabi. Because every time he’d tried, every time he’d pulled Xabi close and looked into his eyes and even after steeling himself to ignore the flutter in his heart, he’d failed miserably.

Despite it all, Steven had constantly reminded himself to always keep his distance from Xabi. He’d tell him he’d have things to do during the day but his avoiding act had to be realistic enough not to raise doubt and suspicion in Xabi’s mind. In the end, when he couldn’t come up with a good enough excuse, when his mind had been devoid of ideas, there was only one thing that he could really do and that was to return to Xabi’s loving warmth.

I’ll tell him tonight, he would always say, but his plans would go up in smoke once Xabi’s lips had descended on his. Try as he might, he would always end up returning, would always end up standing in front of Xabi’s doorstep, to be greeted with that smile that had so far turned everything he’d believed in to dust. And each and every time, before he could even figure the course of his actions for the night, he’d be engulfed in Xabi’s loving embrace and that was enough to stop his mind from working.

Even though they hadn’t done anything beyond cuddling and holding each other, Steven hadn’t done enough to stop Xabi from raining him with kisses and touches that would always leave him, more than a few times, breathless and hard. And on more than one occasion, he’d let himself touch Xabi at places he knew he shouldn’t even be touching him.

He’d kept that one particular bit of information from Jamie’s knowledge however, fearing Jamie would definitely tell Xabi the minute he’d found out what he’d done.

“The longer yer keep lyin’ to him, the harder it’s gonna be, Stevie,” Jamie had advised after Steven had called him to let him know his worries. He did not want to burden Jamie with his troubles but he was the only one he could trust.

“It’s not easy,” Steven then answered with a defeated tone. “I can’t do that without hurtin’ his feelings.”

I can’t do that without hurtin’ me own fuckin’ feelings!

He then relayed to his friend how it was getting harder for him to deny Xabi his wishes.

“He wants me to come every night and I know it’s not weird at all for him to ask me that since, since we’re supposedly lovers and all but fuck, I can’t say no to him, Jamie! And truthfully I’m gettin’ a little worried, for him and also for me self. Am gettin’ bloody worried!”

“Just a little worried?” Jamie scoffed in return, the clear hint of sarcasm in his voice apparent. “If yer are really worried like yer said yer are, then do somethin’ about it! Tell him the bloody truth! Don’t keep on returnin’ to his place, Stevie. I know yer spend almost every night with Xabi, right? Yer think he doesn’t tell me these things?”

Steven’s cheeks flushed furiously after he’d found out his little secret hadn’t been a secret after all.

“Fuck, he…he tells yer everythin’?”

“Well not everythin’ thankfully,” Jamie laughed, stopping at once when he heard Steven whimper at the other end. Feeling sorry for his friend, Jamie then admitted how Xabi had called and told him how he’d always looked forward to Steven’s visit. “But don’t worry, Stevie, he didn’t tell me the details if yer’re worryin’ about that. But I definitely know the gist of it…at the very least.”

Steven suddenly felt foolish. Who he was trying to fool anyway? Did he really think he could hide things from Jamie? He waited for his embarrassment to die down considerably before asking Jamie again what he should do with Xabi but the answer he’d gotten then was the same old one he’d already memorised by heart.

“Just tell Xabi the truth. He’ll probably get upset at first but he’ll understand why later. It’s the only thing yer can do, Stevie.”

“But it’s hard, Jamie,” Steven whispered, gripping the phone harder in frustration as he spoke until his knuckles turned white. “It’s too hard.”

“It’s hard if yer want it to be, Stevie. And yer know it.”

Steven felt a familiar pain in his chest as Jamie’s words rang true and clear and he could not say anything at all after that to refute his friend.

“Yer have to tell him or else I will.”

“Alright, Jamie, alright. I’ll tell Xabi tonight.”

Xabi cautiously opened his eyes. After taking a few deep breaths, he lowered his face to stare at the picture laid on the coffee table before him and his heart thudded painfully in his chest. He’d found it curiously stuck in between his sofa cushions while he’d been tidying up his living room that afternoon and one look at the person’s face in the picture, Xabi had known instantly who it was.

How ironic was it that the one person he’d wanted to forget the most had caused him to remember a large piece of his missing memory? As everything had come rushing back, making the room spin in Xabi’s eyes, he’d gripped the back of the sofa to steady himself and after he’d calmed his breathing, Xabi had made his way to the kitchen and ever since then, he’d been sitting by the little kitchen table, staring into space, trying to recall as much as he could from the photograph he was now holding in his hand.

“How could I have forgotten?” he whispered to himself. “How could I?”

The moment he’d regained that very important part of his memory, the moment he’d remembered Matt, he’d lost the feeling of total contentment he’d felt whenever he’d been in Steven’s arms. Had it all been a lie? Had Steven even meant anything he’d said to him before or was everything a mere cruel act to appease him? Would he lose what he thought he’d had with Steven once the truth was made known and would it even matter to Steven? Questions were swirling like a tornado in Xabi’s head, resulting in a searing pain that made his head throbbed madly. Not knowing what to do, Xabi leaned his head down against his folded arms on the table and groaned helplessly.

As he sat there thinking, suddenly everything was beginning to make sense; the little mismatched details Steven had given him about there relationship, how he’d been hesitant during the times they’d been together and how he’d never really said ‘I love you’ back at him whenever he’d professed those words to Steven. It was all making perfect sense now to Xabi.

Stevie, oh Stevie, why did you lie to me?

“Xabi?”

A gentle hand on his shoulder minutes later made Xabi looked up at once and when he saw Steven looking at him with concerned eyes, Xabi’s heart nearly broke. He didn’t even realise when or how Steven had gotten into the apartment for he had been too preoccupied with his thoughts. After a while, when no one had uttered a word, Xabi turned his head away from Steven’s probing look and simply stared at his hands on the table.

“Xabi? Xabi, what’s wrong?”

He’d wanted to be angry at Steven for not telling him the whole truth, for not even mentioning a word about Matt to him but he’d told himself Steven must have had good reasons for doing what he did and Xabi was willing to give Steven the benefit of the doubt.

“Yer’re lookin’ dead miserable, Xabi and yer’re scarin’ me. Please tell me,” Steven pleaded again, the obvious worry in his voice evident. He hated the whole mess he’d gotten himself into but he hated it more to see a disconsolate looking Xabi staring at him with those sad eyes.

“Tell me,” Steven repeated as he took his seat opposite of the Spaniard. “Tell me what the matter is.”

When Xabi continued keeping quiet, Steven reached out his hand across the table towards Xabi but to his dismay, Xabi had quickly moved back beyond Steven’s reach, avoiding his touch. Xabi’s act had hurt Steven tremendously but he ignored his feelings and remained focus on finding out what Xabi’s troubles were.

“Won’t yer tell me, Xabi? Please?”

Xabi hated the way Steven was being so caring, so concerned of his well being when there he was acting like a spoilt child, disgruntling over the fact that Steven had hidden things from his knowledge. But the only way he could make himself feel better was to get straight to the point and let what had been boggling his mind known to Steven.

“This is the matter, Stevie,” Xabi finally revealed after a long agonising wait for Steven. “Explain this.”

He slid the picture in question which had been hidden underneath the palm of his hand for far too long across the table towards Steven and the minute Steven’s eyes fell upon it, his heart dropped to the floor.

Oh fuck, it’s the picture! How are yer ever gonna explain the picture to Xabi? He’ll never forgive yer, Stevie, never!

Quickly calming himself by taking a deep breath, Steven fought his inner thoughts and braved what he’d been afraid of the most; telling Xabi the truth.

“Xabi,” Steven began shakily. “I can explain…I can explain everythin’.”

“Then explain it, Stevie.”

Xabi’s stony voice made Steven’s blood run cold. And he was almost afraid to meet Xabi’s eyes he knew was upon him at that moment. All he’d planned to say, all the words he’d carefully structured in his head with Jamie earlier that afternoon were now lost. Steven did not know how to start off and felt almost ashamed to admit that he’d lied to Xabi.

For a moment, neither man said anything but after a while common sense prevailed and Steven knew he couldn’t keep withholding the truth from Xabi. He didn’t want to hurt him more than he already did.

“Xabi,” Steven then began, hesitant at first, not quite sure on how he would start but one look into Xabi’s imploring eyes and Steven straightaway caved. “That’s…that’s Matt. The person in the picture, he’s Matt.”

“I know who he is, Stevie,” Xabi replied, calm despite everything. “I remember Matt.”

Steven’s eyes were wide and round and his rapidly beating heart continued to thump harder.

“Yer remember him?” Steven murmured and when Xabi nodded, Steven clenched his eyes shut.

“I remember him and who he was to me. I remember our fights, our quarrels. I remember it now. I remember it all now.”

“God, I’m sorry, Xabi. I’m so sorry.”

“He hurt me, Stevie, he hurt me a lot.”

“I know, Xabi, I know he did. And I hate him for what he’d done to yer…”

Steven started to reach out for Xabi again but once more, Xabi had pulled back before Steven could grasp his fingers with his.

“Xabi…please…don’t be like this, I…”

“But why didn’t you tell me about him?” Xabi cut Steven off before he could say anything else. “Why didn’t you mention him at all and why was this picture hidden underneath those cushions? Why take this damn photograph out of that picture frame? Why did you do it?”

Steven was shell shocked at Xabi’s barrage of questions and in the end he could only apologise for his actions.

“I’m sorry, Xabi. I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t have done it.”

Steven raked his fingers through his hair and got up from the little stool he’d been sitting on. Leaning against the counter with his back against Xabi, Steven then muttered softly.

“Matt came the other night, the first night after you’d come home from the hospital. He’d come while yer were in the shower. He’d wanted to see yer but I…I didn’t let him.”

“Why, Stevie?” Xabi asked calmly despite this new revelation and Steven was rather surprised that he wasn’t really angered knowing he’d turned Matt away. He knew Xabi was upset, he probably wasn’t showing it, and he didn’t want Xabi’s feeling towards him turn to hate.

After letting the silence drew itself out for a minute, Steven then turned to face Xabi once again. He saw that Xabi’s eyes were tired and sad, unlike when he’d seen it in the mornings when he’d woken up with him, shining and full of…love, love that Xabi may have thought he’d had for him. It hurt Steven knowing that now it was almost certainly gone. Realising there was nothing else for him to lose, Steven decided he’d better come out clean with Xabi and told him the whole truth.

“Yer really want to know why I turned him away?”

“Why, Stevie?” Xabi asked again in sorrow.

“Because he’ll only hurt yer again, Xabi, that’s why. That’s why I asked him to leave instead of lettin’ him into the apartment that night to see yer. That’s why I took his picture out of that frame and hid it so yer won’t see his bloody face and get all upset again. And another thing, do yer know why he’d wanted to see yer? He’d wanted to say he was sorry and he’d wanted to make up with yer. He’d wanted to see if yer’d give him another chance and if I had let him in, would yer have given him that chance, Xabi? Would yer?”

“That’s not fair, Stevie. Don’t put this on me.”

“Well nothin’ in life is fair, Xabi, let me tell yer that.”

Long after they had stopped arguing, after he’d let out everything he’d needed to say, Steven’s chest was still heaving with emotion. His vision was getting blurry as tears had started to pool in his eyes but he blinked them back bravely, not wanting even a drop to roll down his cheeks.

The next thing Steven knew, Xabi had moved in closer and was now standing right in front of him.

“If you’d let Matt see me that night, I’d have forgiven him, Stevie, I would not lie. But you are wrong when you think I’d take him back. You’re wrong.”

“Then it doesn’t matter anymore right, Xabi?” Steven murmured hopefully at his friend. “Why are we even arguin’ about him?”

“But that’s not the point I’m trying to make, Stevie, you don’t understand!” Xabi replied in frustration.

“Fuck, Xabi, why are yer so hard headed?! Why can’t yer see where I’m comin’ from with this damn argument?” Steven cried, just as frustrated himself but he did a step further by banging his fists hard against the kitchenette that was separating them both. His act startled Xabi to some extent but Steven’s outburst wasn’t going to stop him from telling Steven the actual thing that was wreaking his mind.

“Steven. I don’t care anymore about Matt. I just want you tell me why you didn’t tell me the truth about us. That’s the point I’m trying to make and it has nothing to do with Matt at all…”

The second those words left Xabi’s lips, Steven’s eyes locked with the Spaniard’s and knew at once that this was it, that there’d be no turning back anymore.

No lies and no pretenses, Stevie. No lies. Just tell him the truth why yer did it.

“I’m sorry, Xabi,” was all Steven could say instead. “I’m so sorry.”

“Stop saying you’re sorry because sorry does not make me feel better, Stevie. You need to explain to me why you did it.”

The quiet calm of Xabi’s voice made the tension return to Steven’s body in an instant.

“Oh fuck, Xabi, why does it even matter anymore? Why do yer even need to care why I didn’t tell yer about Matt if it’s not about him at all?” Steven said in an agitated voice.

“Steven, I need to know these things! If I don’t, how do you expect me to remember things that I’ve forgotten.”

It’s because I don’t want yer to remember, Xabi. I don’t!

“Tell me.”

“Like yer said, Xabi. He’d hurt yer too many times. I didn’t want yer to get hurt again.”

“But I’m over him, right?” Xabi suddenly asked Steven. ‘I’ve broken up with him.”

“Yes yer have.”

“So why do you need to worry anymore, Stevie? Why didn’t you just tell me? Do you think I’d go running back to him if I’d remember?”

“Maybe I did think that because it has happened before, Xabi. Yer break up with him and then the next thing I know, yer back with that jerk again. It had happened before and I didn’t want it to happen again!”

“So is that the reason why you lied to me? Is that why you want me to believe that we are together instead? Because you didn’t want me to get back together with him?”

Steven’s heart that was already broken, felt like it had been ripped apart further hearing Xabi’s accusations.

“I did that because of yer mother,” Steven then whispered. “She was too upset the day she’d seen yer at the hospital and when she’d thought yer and me were together, she’d immediately felt better and I didn’t want to upset her further. It was instinctive, Xabi. I didn’t do it on purpose if yer think that. I really didn’t!”

“So after she’d left, why didn’t you just admit it to me? Why didn’t you tell me the truth then?” Xabi continued arguing.

“I…” Steven gestured helplessly. He stared at Xabi’s face for a few seconds and contemplated telling Xabi the truth.

Because yer’d look too happy to see me at the hospital thinking that we’re together. Because yer’d made me feel things I’ve never felt before and because…because I care about yer, Xabi. I care about yer so much I didn’t want yer to get hurt ever again.

“Steven, why?”

“Because I didn’t know how to tell yer and not upset yer at the same time…that’s why. I didn’t want to upset yer, Xabi.”

“But when I said all those things, Stevie, why didn’t yer stop me?”

“What things, Xabi?”

“When I said…when I said I loved you, why didn’t you say anything?”

Unsure of what to do or stay, Steven simply looked down at his feet to avoid Xabi’s stare that felt like daggers piercing his skin. He almost wished the ground would open up and swallow him whole. He felt like killing himself now for what he’d done. And before Steven could figure out what to do or say, Xabi had continued talking, his questions shooting him down without defense.

“Why did you let me act like a fool in front of you? You let me say words I didn’t even mean! Why didn’t you say anything at all to stop me? You didn’t stop me…”

He never really loved yer, Stevie. Just like yer’d suspected, he never really did.

Steven’s body was shaking with overwhelming emotions at that thought alone and he could not control the tears from falling any longer. But he wasn’t about to let his emotions cloud his mind for Xabi’s friendship was more important than anything else to Steven.

“No, Xabi! I never…I had never meant…”

Steven tried to explain his actions but Xabi cut him off quickly before he could say anything more.

“I feel like a fool, Stevie. I really do. I feel so stupid…”

“Xabi, please! I didn’t mean to make yer feel that way,” Steven pleaded. He quickly walked over to the Spaniard and grabbed hold of both his arms before forcing him to face him. “Yer’ve got to believe me, please believe me!”

Xabi shook his head at Steven and murmured softly words he really didn’t want to say.

“Did it mean anything at all to you, Stevie?”

Steven’s heart thumped as he heard Xabi’s question, unaware how much his answer would equally mean to Xabi.

“What…what do yer mean?”

“Everything that you did with me, you even…you even kissed me. Did those things mean anything at all to you?”

For the first time since the whole charade began, Steven had finally come to terms with the intensity of his feelings for Xabi. He’d always been close to him, had been his best friend for ages but now, everything had changed into something Steven could not deny. But at the same time, he didn’t want to hurt Xabi with his own foolish feelings. He could not and would never want that to happen.

“Xabi I…” Steven stuttered and paused before taking a deep breath to continue telling Xabi what he was feeling. “I…I do care about yer, Xabi, believe me I do care. I care so much about yer…”

“So much that you’d lie?”

“No, Xabi, please! Don’t get me wrong!” Steven cried and shook Xabi’s arms hard. “Please believe me.”

“Steven, I think…I think you better go,” Xabi murmured, turning his face away from Steven’s. He peeled Steven’s fingers away from his arms and then with a heavy heart moved towards the front door before pulling it open. Looking at Steven’s crestfallen face was breaking his heart to pieces but he had to do it for standing there with him was making the pain more unbearable.

“I want to be alone. Please, I need sometime alone.”

“But Xabi…please!…yer can’t do this…”

“Please, Steven…you must leave,” Xabi cried, choking back his emotions. “I need to think. There are lots of things I still cannot remember and I cannot do that with you here. I cannot.”

Steven had definitely done some mistakes in the past but this one with Xabi was the one he’d never forgive himself for. Quietly nodding to Xabi’s request, Steven grabbed his jacket that was on the sofa’s armrest and slowly made his way towards where Xabi was standing. When he was finally beside Xabi, Steven looked up and Xabi’s eyes that were full of hurt locked with his.

“I want yer to know, I’d never do anythin’ to hurt yer,” Steven found himself saying as he stood there by the door.

He’d wanted to grab Xabi and shake him and tell him he was wrong and that all of this had just been one horrible mistake on his part but he held on to his restraint and pride and soon made his way out of the apartment. Steven thought he’d hear Xabi call out his name to stop him from leaving but instead all he heard after that was the soft click of the door closing firmly behind him.

How Did I Fall? (In Love With You)(Part 6/10)

2009-06-07T11:42:20Z

Title : How Did I Fall? (In Love With You)(Part 6/10)
Pairing : Steven Gerrard/Xabi Alonso
Rating : PG13
Summary : Stevie starts to fret after his kiss with Xabi and confides in Jamie.
Disclaimer : This is a story contrived from my imagination.
Warnings : Fluff, romance, angst.
Feedbacks : I'd love to hear your feedback and comments. It keeps me going.
A/N : This sixth chapter is here! Once again dedicated to lil_amel. She's my fic inspiration for this series. :)

Part 5
Part 4
Part 3
Part 2
Part 1

How Did I Fall? (In Love With You)(Part 6/10)

Steven was staring at the ceiling, the warm and comfortable ambience of the room making it almost impossible for him to get up. When he’d opened his eyes earlier that morning, he could not quite remember where he was but when he’d turned his head and saw a sleeping Xabi right next to him, everything had come flooding back to Steven.

At first he’d panicked, thinking he’d crossed so far over the line than he really should with Xabi that the line was now a mere dot to Steven’s eyes, but when he’d looked down under the covers and saw that they were both still fully clothed, he had let out a huge sigh of relief. And two hours later, he was still underneath the duvet with Xabi.

Steven noticed the time on the wall was now ten am but he still did not feel like throwing the covers off his body. They were both still on medical leave and Steven thought why not just enjoy the time they’d been given lazing around?

But on yer friend’s bed?? Yer daft, Steven, get up!

His annoying inner voice was telling him he should get out of that bed before Xabi wakes up, which was definitely true, but one look at Xabi and he could not tear his eyes off his friend’s face. A faint, morning light had filtered in from the window, the slightly drawn apart curtains being Steven’s perfect ally, bathing the person that was still sleeping next to him with a glow Steven had never seen before and it was doing strange things to his insides.

Am I the same person I was last night? Because fuck, when did Xabi become so gorgeous?

Xabi was lying on his stomach, his arms underneath his pillows with his cheeks pressed against it and his lips were slightly parted. He felt guilty looking at Xabi without his knowledge but somehow Steven couldn’t let that opportunity slip him by. When he’d pulled Xabi for that kiss last night, Steven thought he’d lost his mind. How could he have done that knowing perfectly well Xabi had only wanted it because he had thought they were together? How could he have succumbed to his own weakness? But then all had been forgotten once Xabi’s lips had connected with his own. And thinking about it again as he was lying there watching Xabi, his beautiful friend Xabi with his strong set of jaw, his slightly upturned nose and his eyes, even though they were closed, Steven still remembered how beautiful Xabi’s eyes were when his face had been so close to him, Steven felt he had never experienced a kiss as breathtakingly beautiful as that.

Steven yer are so fucked up now!

If getting to grips that he had actually kissed Xabi was hard, then getting to terms that he’d slept with Xabi on the same bed was even harder. Even though he hadn’t done anything other than held Xabi to sleep, Steven had felt the events of last night had changed his life forever. Never in his life had he slept with a man, maybe except during drunken night outs from his college days but those were totally different than the one he’d experienced with Xabi. He had wanted to leave after the kiss but he couldn’t think of any reason why he had to and when Xabi had asked him to stay, Steven had obliged without much thought.

“I love you, Stevie.”

Every time Xabi had said those words, Steven had felt like a criminal. He’d wanted to confess the truth to Xabi but it had gotten strangely harder the longer the lie had gone on. And he hadn’t the strength to deny Xabi when he had led him into his room and pulled him down on the bed, raining kisses all over his face, saying how much he’d loved him over and over again. Steven felt like he was experiencing something he’d never experienced before, and it was heaven.

“Just hold me to sleep, Stevie?

“I’ll hold yer,” he’d whispered in Xabi’s ear and all the apprehension in his body and mind vanished in an instant once he’d wrapped his arms around him.

“Buenos dias, mi amor.”

Steven had been too caught up in his thoughts that he didn’t even realise Xabi had woken up. Quickly ignoring his pounding heart, Steven turned to his side and saw Xabi smiling lazily at him. After that, as if he was trying to seduce him further, Xabi started to stretch languidly and Steven continued on watching, absolutely mesmerized by the sight before him. He was lying there with his tousled morning hair and hazy eyes and Steven wondered how someone could look so incredibly gorgeous in the morning. And he could not help but say the thoughts in his head out loud.

“God, yer look incredibly sexy in the mornin’…”

Xabi only laughed and gingerly snaked a hand around Steven’s waist, pulling him a little bit closer against his body. “You are saying that as if you’ve never woken up with me before.”

That’s because I haven’t, Xabi!

“I’m sorry, Xabi…I’m just…” Steven gulped, immediately forgetting his words and then tensing straightway when he felt Xabi’s lips roaming his neck.

Fuck, Stevie…get up now! Get up, get up!

“Xabi?” Steven squeaked when Xabi started to kiss a sensitive spot right underneath his ear. Breathing was getting very difficult and he had to gather all of his strength to push Xabi slightly away, breaking the contact of his lips on his heated skin.

“Stevie?” Xabi inquired, looking down at him with smoldering eyes. “What’s the matter?”

Steven’s hands were against Xabi’s shoulders and just like it had been last night, Steven was preventing Xabi from getting too near him than he really should. Fuck he had already broken every rule just by being in that bed with Xabi alone!

“How’s the head? Is it gettin’ better?” Steven then muttered, changing the subject and instinctively he reached up and skimmed his fingers along the cut just above Xabi’s left temple and without really wanting to, he’d relived the horrible accident from a few days ago in his mind and immediately scrunched his eyes shut at the thought.

“Fuck, this was my entire fault,” Steven whispered guiltily. “I’m so sorry, Xabi. I really am.”

“Amor,” Xabi said, worried when he saw Steven’s saddened face. “It’s not that you wanted it to happen. Please, do not think of it again, okay? I’m fine, see? I’m alright.”

“I cannot help it sometimes,” Steven murmured. “I caused yer a lot of trouble, Xabi…the accident and not only that, yer lost part of yer memory. So of course I feel bad about all this.”

“But we’re together and that’s what matters, Stevie.”

But we’re not together, Xabi…not really.

“I know, Xabi,” Steven said, quickly ignoring his little inner voice. “…but I still feel bad no matter what yer tell me.”

Xabi kept silent. He couldn’t tell Steven not to feel otherwise and in the end all he could do was lay his head against Steven’s shoulder. A shuddery breath escape Steven’s lips when Xabi tightened his arms around his waist and without realising what he was doing himself, Steven began to wrap his own arms around Xabi’s shoulder. Then gently, he placed a kiss on Xabi’s forehead.

“Yer still don’t remember, do yer?”

Xabi only shook his head in response. Steven was hopeful Xabi would regain his memory in the next few days but at the little corner of his heart, he didn’t really want him to.

“Somethin’s botherin’ me, Jamie.”

Once they had finally gotten out of bed and Xabi had made his way to the kitchen to prepare some brunch for themselves, Steven had taken the opportunity to call Jamie, hiding himself in the bathroom, conveniently locking the door behind him so that Xabi wouldn’t accidentally overhear him spilling his guts out to Jamie.

“Yer’re always bothered with somethin’, Stevie. It’s not normal if yer’re not bothered,” Jamie replied his friend and even though Steven could not see his face, he could imagine the smirk he was sure Jamie was wearing at that moment.

“I’m serious alright? Can yer be serious for me at least for once?”

Jamie merely chuckled after hearing Steven’s annoyed voice. He had always loved teasing Steven and the mess he’d somehow gotten himself into had given Jamie more opportunities to do so and he wouldn’t want to miss seeing his friend squirm in embarrassment each time he’d done it. But sensing Steven’s distress was at a different level that day, Jamie quickly soothed and asked Steven to tell him what the matter was.

“I found a picture of Matt in Xabi’s place.”

“Well that is really…surprisin’! Matt’s only Xabi’s ex lover so why would Xabi still have his pictures lyin’ around his place? Hmm…that is a mystery, Stevie,” Jamie teased Steven again and when Steven started shouting obscenities at him, Jamie only laughed harder. He simply could not help himself!

“Fuck, why did I even bother tellin’ yer all this?” Steven then moaned loudly. “I shouldn’t have bothered! I really shouldn’t!”

“Oh come on, Stevie, I’m sorry! I’m sorry, alright?”

Steven had a good mind to tell Jamie to fuck off and he was so tempted to just press the end call button on his phone but he’d needed to tell someone what was wreaking his mind so in the end he’d ended up telling everything to Jamie just like he’d planned.

“I was thinkin’, Jamie. Xabi’s parents had stayed at his apartment for a bit and I’m sure they’d seen that picture, Matt’s picture, when they were there so why hadn’t they mentioned him at all if they’d known Matt was Xabi’s, yer know…Xabi’s boyfriend?”

A smile crept up Jamie’s face. He knew how hard it was for Steven to mention Matt’s name, let alone refer Matt as Xabi’s ex lover and that thought somehow showed Jamie how much his friend actually cared for Xabi. He’d always wanted to ask Steven whether he’d had feelings other than mere friendship for Xabi but somehow the answer to his question had always been there for him to see and he was definitely seeing it now, in fact hearing it loud and clear from Steven’s tone of voice alone.

“Jamie what do yer think?”

Steven’s question brought him back to his question at hand.

“I guess they didn’t know then, Stevie,” Jamie simply answered. “It’s the only logical explanation.”

“Yer think Xabi didn’t tell them?” Steven asked, hopeful that Jamie was right.

“Well did he not apparently tell them his boyfriend had blue eyes? And when they’d seen yer at the hospital the other day, they’d put two and two together. So it’s fairly easy to understand why they hadn’t suspected anythin’ if they had indeed seen Matt’s pictures at the apartment. I’m sure it’s because Xabi hadn’t told them and they’d probably thought Matt’s just a friend.”

After that, they both quieted for sometime before Steven broke the silence once again.

“And there’s another thing that I’m worried about.”

“What’s that, Stevie?” Jamie asked with a genuine concern. No matter how much he loved teasing Steven, he hated to see his best friend upset.

“I guess I’d never really thought it would be this hard to keep Xabi from findin’ out the truth. I mean, Matt’s pictures are one of those problems but I’d forgotten about his other mates. I didn’t think of them then and I’m sure Xabi’s gonna find out sooner or later when he bumps into them or if one of them gives him a call and starts mentionin’ Matt to him. He’s gonna find out then, won’t he? And then when that happens he’s gonna find out that I had lied and…”

“Stevie! Stop it!”

Jamie’s sudden booming voice, loud and clear in his ear startled Steven and it immediately stopped his nervous babbling.

“Stevie, quit worryin’, will yer?” Jamie reasoned and immediately told his friend to calm down. “Yer’re not doin’ anythin’ good if yer keep gettin’ yerself worked up like this. Just calm the fuck down!”

But Steven was still not convinced he should be totally relaxed like Jamie had wanted.

“Yer don’t think I should worry about this?” he continued arguing. “Hell, yer were the one that wasn’t really keen on this idea of me lyin’ to Xabi and now yer’re tellin’ me not to worry?”

“Well I am still not keen on it that’s for sure,” Jamie explained. “…but I’ve taken care of Xabi’s mates so yer needn’t worry.”

Steven’s eyes immediately grew wide as soon as he’d heard Jamie.

“What do yer mean yer’ve taken care of Xabi’s mates? Yer made it sound like yer’ve killed them or somethin’!” Steven cried out alarmed.

“Goodness, Stevie! Of course I didn’t kill them! I just told them what had happened so yer cover won’t be blown wide open!” Jamie exclaimed.

“Yer told them? Yer told Xabi’s mates about this whole charade I’m doin’?” Steven asked again not quite believing what he was hearing. His eyes bugged and his mouth gaped open.

“Well Stevie, liker yer said, yer didn’t think it through when yer’d thought of this brilliant idea, right? So to make it full proof, I’d told his mates so yer won’t get caught out if Xabi mentions it to them.”

“But when did yer tell them?”

Suddenly Steven was really impressed with Jamie’s seemingly well calculated plan. Even he didn’t think it through till that extent!

“Does it really matter when?”

“No,” Steven answered with a sigh. He shook his head and muttered again, knowing it really didn’t matter when. “I guess it does not.”

“Well, good then. Yer just concentrate on gettin’ Xabi’s memory back. And yer still got a few days, Stevie, remember that. Because after that yer know yer have to tell him the truth.”

“But Jamie…there’s another thing I haven’t told yer.”

“Oh God, Stevie…what else haven’t yer told me??”

Somehow the last sentence from Steven had made Jamie nervous, like he’d known it was something serious and that it wasn’t something he should make fun of. And he was indeed right.

“I…I sort of kissed Xabi last night.”

“Yer what?!!” Jamie shouted too loudly, absolutely shocked at hearing his friend’s admission that Steven had to pull the phone away from his ear.

“Yer did what, Stevie??!”

“God, Jamie, yer heard me the first time, I don’t have to repeat it, do I?”

“Bloody hell, Stevie!” Jamie exclaimed, unable to control his voice as he was still astonished at what his friend had done. “I know that yer wanted it to be convincin’ but kissin’ Xabi was the last thing I had expected yer to do!”

“Well I’m his lover, like yer had aptly put it so how can I be that and not kiss him?!” Steven answered strongly. He was trying to defend his actions even though he understood perfectly well why Jamie was freaking out at what he’d done.

“He was askin’ me questions I couldn’t really answer, like why I hadn’t kissed him yet after the accident. How can I answer that eh? I told him I wasn’t ready at first but he wasn’t buyin’ it so in the end I had to do it.”

“Did he force yer to kiss him?” Jamie then asked firmly.

“Of course not…but, but he’d wanted it and I didn’t do anythin’ to stop it.”

Steven bit his lip. Recalling the events in his head, Steven realised he’d been the one who’d instigated the kiss because Xabi had started to pull away when he’d pulled him down against his lips. Why oh why did he do that? Why didn’t he use his head and reject Xabi’s advances instead of giving in to his…desires?

“Stevie? Stevie, are yer still there?”

Quickly gathering his thoughts, Steven muttered a yes and heard his friend groaned at the other end.

“I’m dreadin’ askin’ yer this but are yer at Xabi’s right now?”

“Yes,” Steven answered meekly. “Haven’t yer figured that out yet?”

When Jamie had kept silent, Steven was prepared for Jamie’s next barrage of questions. And just like he’d expected, it didn’t take long for it to come.

“God, Stevie! Yer stayed the night, didn’t yer? Did yer sleep with him?? Please tell me yer didn’t!”

How he was supposed to answer Jamie without freaking his friend further, Steven wondered thoughtfully but before he could say anything else, Jamie had let out a funny noise which sounded like a cross between a muffled shriek and a girl’s squeak. Steven could not really tell.

“Are yer alright, mate?” he meekly asked.

“Bloody hell, Stevie, yer did sleep with him, didn’t yer?! Yer slept with Xabi!”

“Oh fuck, Jamie, yer’re the one that’s freakin’ out now! Fuck, nothin’ happened, alright? Nothin’ at all happened…nothin’ of the sort I know yer’re thinkin’ of right now,” Steven began and for a minute he was cautious he’d talked too loud.

Hoping Xabi hadn’t heard a thing he’d said, a sudden disturbing thought entered his mind. What if Xabi had been listening from the other side of the door? Fearing his thoughts, Steven quietly opened the door and when his fears were proved to be unfounded, he closed the door and locked it once again before attending to his rather stressed out friend.

“Nothin’ happened between me and Xabi, okay? I just stayed here with him. I held him to sleep.”

“Aww aren’t yer the best boyfriend!” Jamie scoffed in a sarcastic manner and the answer somehow managed to spark off Steven’s temper.

“Look, yer’re not helpin’ me at all with yer stupid remarks! I was hopin’ yer could help but yer’re definitely not!” Steven yelled and then let out a few curses he’d no intention of saying. After he’d calmed down, he heard Jamie apologizing for his insensitive behaviour and guilt began gnawing at his insides once again.

“Fuck, Jamie, I’m in a real sticky mess here. Tell me what should I do?”

“Stevie,” Jamie began in a much kinder tone. “Yer know what I’m gonna say now right? Yer know I’m just gonna say ‘Stevie, yer would need to tell Xabi the truth’ and that’s what I’m sayin’, Stevie. Tell Xabi the truth. After knowin’ this bit, I really think yer should tell Xabi the truth.”

“But I can’t do that, Jamie,” Steven whined. “…not just yet…”

“Then when, Stevie? When are yer gonna tell him? When the lie has gone too far and when yer can’t back away from it any longer? It’ll be too late then, Stevie, too late.”

“But I said I’ll give it a week. And yer’d agreed…”

“I know what I said but Stevie, this is not really helpin’ Xabi at all. We’re supposed to let him know the truth in order to help him remember and we’re not even doin’ that for goodness sake!”

Everything Steven had ever considered about his made up relationship with Xabi, about lying in order to help Xabi out with his memory loss was going up in smoke. Wincing as he shifted on the bathroom tiled floor he had slumped over ages ago, Steven knew his time was up. He’d been playing with fire and Jamie was trying hard to douse it from spreading too far. All he’d wanted to do was help Xabi but now it was doing nothing but giving him immense heartache.

“Yer’re right,” Steven finally muttered after weighing the truth in his friend’s words. “I’ll tell him after this.”

“Are yer sure?” Jamie demanded.

A heavy sigh and a little nod was all Steven could muster. His little charade with Xabi was coming to an end and the disappointment he was feeling hurt like he’d never imagined it could feel.

“Yes, I’m sure. I’ll tell him after this. I’ll tell Xabi the truth.”

How Did I Fall? (In Love With You)(Part 5/10)

2009-06-02T14:45:08Z

Title : How Did I Fall? (In Love With You)(Part 5/10)
Pairing : Steven Gerrard/Xabi Alonso
Rating : PG13
Summary : Xabi returns home and Steven receives an unexpected guest.
Disclaimer : This is a story contrived from my imagination.
Warnings : Fluff, romance, angst.
Feedbacks : I'd love to hear your feedback and comments. It keeps me going.
A/N : This fifth chapter is up! I should write this while I still have my fic mojo. Dedicated to lil_amel. Can't believe I wrote it real quick!

Part 4
Part 3
Part 2
Part 1

How Did I Fall? (In Love With You)(Part 5/10)

“Yer’re home, Xabi.”

Steven had driven Xabi to his apartment and the entire ride home had been pleasant and comfortable with none of those awkward silences Steven had feared. All the while, he’d found himself incredibly drawn towards Xabi, always eager to listen to what he had to say and although he would’ve preferred Jamie to be around, he couldn’t be with them because of his work, Steven found himself not minding his absence one bit. In the end he’d kind of like the idea of being alone with Xabi. At least he didn’t have to put up with Jamie’s constant teasing that somehow would always leave him red faced.

“Do yer remember anythin’, Xabi?”

The warm and cozy living room that greeted Xabi as he stepped into his apartment instantly made him feel at ease. Now that he was home, he felt relieved and happy after his discharge from the hospital had been initially delayed when the doctors had decided to hold him back for another day. But with everything now behind him, he was determined on getting himself better and there was no better way to start than being around familiar territory.

One glance around the room and he’d recognised the setting straightaway and the sight of his favourite sofa where he often read his books and watched television from instantly rang a bell in Xabi’s head.

“I bought that sofa with you, didn’t I, Stevie? I do remember that.”

“Yes yer did, yer bought that when yer first moved in here,” Steven answered Xabi while smiling at him, happy that he’d remembered the little detail. For a moment however, he’d gotten slightly nervous, worrying he would remember more than he should but when Xabi hadn’t said anything else, Steven figured he should not let his fear of Xabi finding out the truth prevent himself from helping him out. That was the most important thing for Steven.

“Yer know, I would have preferred yer gettin’ a slightly bigger one so yer wouldn’t hog the entire sofa when yer watch the telly! Do yer remember me askin’ yer to get that double seater one instead of this?” Steven then said as he walked over to the sofa which was situated in the middle of the room. He patted the cushions and lined it up neatly against the backrest before turning to face Xabi who was still standing near the front door.

“This sofa is too narrow for two people to sit on. Yer should have gotten that bigger one instead,” Steven pointed out.

“I do remember you wanting me to get the other one but it had an awful colour,” Xabi argued but could not keep a serious face when he saw Steven’s feign hurt look after he’d mocked his colour choice.

“You agree it was awful no?” Xabi continued teasing him for he loved Steven’s reaction, his pouty face making him too endearing for words. “Stevie, do you agree with me?”

“No I don’t agree with yer! It was red, Xabi! What’s wrong with a red sofa? Nothin’ is ever wrong with the colour red.”

“I know nothing’s wrong with that colour,” Xabi answered shrugging his shoulders before walking over to Steven whose attention seemed fixed on the sofa rather than him. He nudged Steven slightly on his shoulder and when he’d gotten his attention again, Xabi flashed him a smile.

“But you have to admit the colour wouldn’t have fit with all the other furniture in this room. So it would stuck out weirdly, don’t you think?”

“But, Xabi, what other furniture is there here?” Steven cried. “There is only one fuckin’ sofa!”

Steven’s overreaction only made Xabi laugh heartily. How come he’d never remembered having this much fun with Steven before? Probably this amnesia thing he was suffering from had wiped off the best parts of his memory with Steven and suddenly he longed so much for it to return. Instinctively, he moved in closer against the man beside him and then teasingly whispered in Steven’s ear.

“I know there is only one sofa…but then, there’s nothing wrong with us squeezing together on it, si? I’m sure we’ve done it before?”

Steven who’d liked to think he was witty enough to react to any form of teasing suddenly was left grappling for words. He couldn’t move away from Xabi even if he had wanted to. Xabi’s voice too close to his ear had sent goose bumps down his back and for a moment he even had trouble thinking.

Oh damn, yer didn’t see that comin’ now did yer, Stevie?

But when his casted down eyes saw Xabi’s hand suddenly move to cover his own, Steven moved away quickly, the realisation that something more was about to happen pulling him out of his trance. Sensing that was his cue to change the subject before Xabi could question his actions, Steven immediately looked around the room, scanning for something he could pick out as a topic for conversation. But suddenly his frantic eyes fell upon something which practically made his heart stop. For there on top of a small decorative cabinet placed along the living room wall was a little picture frame of Matt.

Fuckin’ hell, Xabi, yer still have Matt’s photo?? Fuck!

“Stevie, what’s wrong?”

Xabi who’d moved in closer made Steven jump back in shock and knowing he had to block Xabi’s view from the vile little thing, Steven quickly spun Xabi around and pushed him towards the kitchen.

“What are you doing, Stevie?” Xabi asked puzzled but Steven only continued ushering him along, hoping his nervousness would go unnoticed.

“I just remembered somethin’,” Steven said as he pulled Xabi’s hands together after they’d gone into the kitchen. “I had left a little surprise for yer…it’s outside and I’ve forgotten to hide it.”

“Well let me have a look!” Xabi said excitedly but Steven gripped his hands harder and prevented Xabi from making his escape by blocking the kitchen’s entrance.

“Yer can’t!” he cried almost too loudly, surprising Xabi in the process. “Then it won’t be a surprise anymore and everythin’ would be ruined. Yer wouldn’t like my surprise to be ruined, right?”

Xabi shot him a curious look and after a brief while, the Spaniard finally smiled. “Alright, but when can I see this surprise then?”

Relatively relieved, Steven thought of the first thing that came to his mind.

“After yer’ve showered. After yer’ve changed and ready we can go out for dinner and then I’ll give it to yer.”

Xabi couldn’t resist Steven’s pleading eyes and soon nodded his head in agreement. “Okay, you will wait for me, si?”

“Of course, Xabi, I’ll wait for yer.”

While Xabi was showering, Steven quickly took Matt’s photo out of the picture frame, the photo which had left him in a little state of panic and after checking the coast was clear, he sat down on Xabi’s sofa and pondered what he should do with the photo in his hand. He couldn’t even look at it without getting ill but eventually when he did, Steven felt an instant painful lurch in his chest, thinking how much the person in the photograph had hurt his friend.

Yer bastard, I can’t believe Xabi still keeps yer damn photo! Fuck, Xabi, yer definitely can do better than this!

Matt’s piercing dark eyes were like mocking Steven and his little smile in the photograph were like telling him no matter what he’d do, he’d never get Xabi to forget him. An unexplainable feeling suddenly raced through his heart and Steven closed his eyes before leaning his head against the cushions.

So what if Xabi still thinks of him, what if he still keeps his picture, it’s his prerogative! Yer have no right to tell him what not to do!

Sighing dejectedly, Steven looked down at the photo in question once again but just before he could decide what he wanted to do with it, Xabi’s doorbell started ringing, startling Steven and making him drop Matt’s photo to the floor.

“Fuck! Who in the hell could that be now?” he grumbled as he picked the fallen photograph and quickly hid it in between the sofa cushions. Springing to his feet, he immediately ran to the door, almost tumbling over his own feet in the process and after a few inward curses, Steven straighten himself and carefully twisted the doorknob. But after pulling the door open, the person he’d seen standing opposite of him was the last person he had ever expected to see, the last person he had ever wanted to see.

“Matt,” he whispered, absolutely stunned and Matt returned his surprised look on Steven.

“What are you doing here, Steven?”

Steven did not like the manner Matt had asked the question and without really thinking what he was doing, he shoved Matt backwards and closed the door behind them.

“What am I doin’ here yer asked?” Steven hissed angrily. “I think I should be askin’ yer that, yer jerk! Why are yer even here again, eh? What are yer doin’ here?”

“Look, I’m here to see Xabi,” Matt reasoned. “Is he in there? I need to see him.”

“Yer can’t see him.”

Totally ignoring Steven, Matt tried to push pass him but Steven quickly blocked his way and shoved him back once again.

“Look, yer can’t see him,” Steven reiterated his earlier words with a firmer tone.

“And why not?” Matt asked, not liking one bit that Steven was telling him what to do. “Who are you to tell me that?”

“Who am I to tell yer that? Well I’m his mate, alright? And I think yer’ve hurt him enough. So yer can just fuck off from here!”

Steven’s blood was boiling and he could not control his anger any longer. He’d never said a word or even tried to pry his nose before in their relationship but this time it was different. For years he’d seen Xabi tolerate their relationship, he’d seen Xabi endure heartache and pain and he was not about to let his friend suffer again.

“Where were yer when he needed yer all this time, eh? Yer weren’t here, were yer?” Steven challenged, his voice controlled but the anger evident. He jabbed Matt repeatedly at his chest and shoved him back until his back hit the wall.

“Yer weren’t here when he was cryin’ his arse off, yer weren’t here when he wanted yer to come home to him. Yer weren’t here then so what gives yer the fuckin’ right to see him now? Why do yer need to see him now?!”

“Look, Steven, I don’t want to argue with you, alright?” Matt replied, straightening himself up, backing away from Steven’s intimidating stance. When he realised after a moment that Steven was not going to back down and that it wasn’t going to be his day, Matt quickly raised his hands in defeat and then told Steven the reason why he’d wanted to see Xabi.

“I wanted to apologise to Xabi, okay? I wanted to see whether he’d give me another chance. I want to make it up to him. But obviously you’re not going to let me see him so I’ll take it that you’d tell him that for me.”

“Fuck you,” Steven spat out angrily and glared at the dark haired man. “I’m not gonna do that. Yer can wish for it but that would never happen.”

His heart was beating like mad. How could he let Xabi know that Matt was here and that he wanted to reconcile? How could he do that when all this while he was trying to protect him from getting hurt again? He would never do it.

“Even if you hate my guts, Steven, I want you to tell Xabi that, okay? I’m going to London for a few days but I’ll be back during the weekend. And even if you don’t tell him today, I will tell him then.”

And with that Matt turned his back and walked off hurriedly and soon, in no time at all, he was out of Steven’s sight. With his anger still burning, Steven quickly moved to calm himself down and after he was certain he’d cooled off considerably, he slowly walked inside the apartment again. With the door now closed, he slumped himself hard on the sofa and groaned loudly into his hands. His muffled cry of agony did not reflect his actual conflicting feelings, torn between hiding his little face off with Matt from Xabi and telling him the whole truth. Steven knew that if he were to do the latter, his own secret would be out in the open and his little charade of being with Xabi would be over.

“If Xabi still doesn’t remember after a week, I’m gonna tell him myself, Stevie.”

Jamie’s words rang in Steven’s ear and suddenly everything seemed clear to him. If Matt were to come back by the weekend, it would be exactly a week after the accident had happened. And by that time, if Xabi still had not regained his memory, Steven would actually have to tell him the truth because he would have no other choice. Jamie would see to it that he does just that and Steven knew he’d no other choice but to do it Jamie’s way.

Feeling defeated for reasons he could not understand, Steven closed his eyes and wondered if he could pretend none of the events from the past few days had ever happened; the accident, Xabi’s memory loss and his made believe relationship with his close friend. But it was all just wishful thinking and Steven’s left with a mess no one could ever fix but himself.

When Xabi came out of his room after he’d gotten ready, he’d found the living room was dark except for some light flickering out of the muted television. The shifting of colours reflected on Steven’s face and when Xabi looked closer, he noticed Steven’s eyes were closed. He was sat on the sofa with both his arms folded across his chest and the sight before Xabi made his heart flutter.

“Was I that long in the showers?” Xabi thought and then shook his head after he’d realised he’d made Steven wait.

Chuckling to himself, Xabi then tiptoed quietly across the room, not wanting to wake Steven and when he was finally in front of him, he knelt down slowly and took his time to look at the sleeping man in front of him.

As hard as he had tried, Xabi still could not recall how he and Steven had gotten together and his failure had frustrated him to no end. While he had lain on his hospital bed alone, flashes of the accident had indeed returned but the actual important details from his past were still missing from his mind. Hoping it would return sooner rather than later and telling himself that everything would come to him in no time at all, Xabi reached a hand forward and proceeded to caress it gently across Steven’s cheek.

His affectionate gesture made Steven stir and Xabi quickly pulled his hand away before leaning back against his heels.

“Stevie?” he whispered and after a moment he saw Steven opening his eyes.

“Fuck, I didn’t fall asleep, did I?” Steven began sleepily as he saw Xabi smiling at him. “What’s the time?”

“It’s almost nine,” Xabi replied, glancing at his watch. “We don’t need to go out if you’re tired.”

“No I’m okay,” Steven replied as he stretched his arms up. “We can go out of course. Besides, I wasn’t really asleep, I was just closin’ my eyes for a bit. Come on, let’s go.”

As soon as Steven tried to get up, Xabi startled him by pushing him back against the sofa.

“Xabi?”

Steven only managed to utter Xabi’s name briefly and before he could process what was happening, Xabi had proceeded to straddle him and with both his hands on opposite sides of Steven’s face, his palms pressed against the cushions, he’d trapped Steven with nowhere to go.

“Xabi?” Steven whispered, his heart almost exploding at Xabi’s unexpected actions. “Xabi, what…what are yer doin’?”

Steven’s eyes were wide and round and his brain was a jumbled mess. Xabi’s face was too near to his for his liking and if he were to move in any closer, Steven was sure he was not going to be able to breathe.

“Stevie for the past few days, I tried so hard to think,” Xabi started with his eyes never leaving Steven’s. “I tried to think of the accident and what had happened before that. I tried to remember how we got together but still, nothing came to me.”

“Xabi, I told yer, it doesn’t matter…yer needn’t really remember it now.”

Please, Xabi just drop the subject, please! Yer can’t do this to me now, Xabi!

“But it is frustrating, Stevie. It bothers me that I cannot remember this detail.”

Yer can’t remember because it never happened!

“Xabi, please…I told yer, yer needn’t think…”

A finger on Steven’s lips stopped him from trying to say out his reasons. Steven whimpered when Xabi took his finger away, almost shuddering to breathe out. He was a wreck and he didn’t know whether he could take much more of this torture!

“Stevie, tell me how we started. Please tell me?”

Oh fuck!

“What do yer want to know?” Steven found himself asking Xabi who he’d just realised was getting closer than ever with every moving second.

“How did you fall in love with me?”

If there ever was a time Steven wanted Jamie to be around, it was there and then but he wasn’t and there was no one to help him at that moment. He couldn’t possibly lie to Xabi about this because, the truth of the matter was, he’d never ever fallen in love with him before…or had he?

“Stevie? Tell me, por favor?”

God, Xabi, I’ve always loved it when yer talk in Spanish…

With his heart racing, Steven tried to think of something logical to say, something that would make sense. But no sense could be made out of this, none at all. Especially not the way he was thinking of kissing Xabi’s delectable lips that were far too dangerously close to his.

“I think I’d fallen for yer…when yer’d cornered me like this once…in college…”

The smile which greeted him as he told the lie made Steven’s heart leap.

Way to go, Steven!

“And the rest was history, Xabi…”

Fuck, I can’t believe yer made me say that, Xabi. Fuck! If Jamie finds this out…I’m never gonna hear the end of it!

“Stevie, there’s another thing I was wondering,” Xabi began again slowly, his voice low, the lowest Steven had ever heard before. “I was wondering why you’ve never tried to kiss me before again…I mean, we’re together and we’re in love, si?”

Fuck! Oh fuck, Jamie where are yer? I need yer now!

Steven’s fingers were pressed against Xabi’s arms, preventing him from coming any closer but he wasn’t convinced he could hold on like that for much longer.

“Xabi…I wasn’t, I wasn’t sure whether yer wanted to…I mean I wasn’t sure if yer wanted to be kissed.”

Steven gulped down the words and when Xabi leaned down, he could smell Xabi’s freshly shampooed hair on his nose and for a moment he could not believe he’d actually done that.

Fuck, Gerrard! Yer just smelled his hair! For fuck’s sakes!

“Why do you think I didn’t want you to kiss me?” Xabi murmured, cutting Steven’s chain of thoughts. His eyes were droopy and hazy and fuck, Steven could not think straight anymore. He had a good mind to just grab him down and kiss him silly but he held on to his self restraints.

“Yer didn’t remember, Xabi,” Steven reasoned, “…and I wasn’t sure. I mean…I didn’t want yer to kiss me if yer weren’t sure.”

“But I am sure, I am, I do want you to kiss me.”

Oh God, Xabi…yer gettin’ this all wrong, yer don’t want to kiss me! Do yer act like this with that twat, Matt?

At that sudden thought, Steven instantly turned green with jealousy, thinking of Xabi in intimate moments with someone so undeserving of his love and attention. He gritted his teeth and closed his eyes, trying to block off Matt’s face he hated so much and unknown to him, his change of expression had been noticed by Xabi.

“What’s wrong, Stevie? You look upset.”

Alarmed that he’d let his guard down, Steven hurriedly assured Xabi that he was alright but Xabi had misunderstood him completely.

“I’m sorry if I had pushed you for the kiss, I’m sorry, Stevie,” he said. “I understand, amor.”

When Steven realised Xabi was about to pull away, he panicked. He couldn’t let Xabi get away thinking he’d caused him even the slightest of pain.

“No, it’s not that, Xabi!” Steven cried and in reflex, he grabbed both of Xabi’s arms, preventing him from getting up. “It’s not that…please don’t think that.”

And one look into Xabi’s sad eyes, Steven could not think of anything else to do other than to pull Xabi closer down towards his body and then slowly, inch by inch, the spaces between their bodies disappeared into nothing as their lips met in a soft, gentle kiss.

How Did I Fall? (In Love With You)(Part 4/10)

2009-05-31T13:26:20Z

Title : How Did I Fall? (In Love With You)(Part 4/10)
Pairing : Steven Gerrard/Xabi Alonso
Rating : PG13
Summary : Steven starts to get all sorts of ideas about him and Xabi being together and Jamie's teasing does not help make it better.
Disclaimer : This is a story contrived from my imagination.
Warnings : Fluff, romance, angst.
Feedbacks : I'd love to hear your feedback and comments. It keeps me going.
A/N : This fourth chapter comes really quick. And I would like to dedicate this chapter to lil_amel. I hope you will like this, sweetie.

Part 3
Part 2
Part 1

How Did I Fall? (In Love With You)(Part 4/10)

“Xabi’s mother told me somethin’ that I find really weird just now,” Steven said as soon as they had gotten into Jamie’s car.

They had just sent Xabi’s parents to the airport and were now on their way to the hospital to visit Xabi. When Jamie saw Steven’s concerned face, he could not help but smile. While they had waited for Xabi’s parents to board their flight home, Jamie had seen Steven and Xabi’s mother engaged in a long chat and never had he seen so many different emotions etched on his friend’s face just from a single conversation alone. It had changed from happy to curious to sad and finally bewilderment and Jamie knew the conversation had to have somehow involved Xabi.

“Well what did she say?” Jamie asked when Steven didn’t continue, his own curiosity now heightened.

“She said Xabi had told her about his special friend ages ago and that was how she concluded that it was me when she’d seen me in Xabi’s room yesterday.”

Hearing that, Jamie then turned his head to look at Steven with a raised eyebrow.

“Special friend?”

“Boyfriend,” Steven clarified, almost choking the word out. His face started to blush and that made Jamie chuckle.

“And exactly how did she conclude that you are Xabi’s boyfriend?”

Steven shrugged his shoulders at Jamie with the blush on his cheeks still noticeable. “Apparently he’d described me to her.”

“I don’t get yer, Stevie,” Jamie replied his friend. His eyes were fixed on the road ahead and as he signaled right and turned at a familiar junction that led to the city centre, Jamie asked Steven again. “Could yer be clearer? I don’t understand yer. What did she mean by that?”

“Yer think I actually understood her?” Steven replied in an annoyed tone.

“Well how am I supposed to know that?” Jamie answered just as annoyed. “Yer tell me then!”

“Well she was sayin’ Xabi described his…his boyfriend as havin’ blue eyes and brown hair and that is definitely not Matt. And I know Xabi has never been with anyone else except with that sorry arse twat.”

Jamie knew Steven hated mentioning Matt and he’d only say his name when he really had too. Knowing he’d upset him, Jamie instantly felt sorry.

“Yer really hate him, don’t yer? Yer hate Matt.”

“Well yer hate him too,” Steven countered and Jamie couldn’t argue with Steven on that.

He had hated Matt and never really warmed up to him ever since he and Xabi had gotten together but his dislike for Xabi’s ex could never match Steven’s hatred for him. Knowing it’d take a while before Steven could get the irritation of mentioning Matt’s name out of his system, Jamie continued driving in silence. He pondered about what Steven had said, about Xabi describing what sounded like Steven instead of Matt to his mother and then after a moment, he suddenly snapped his fingers together as if he’d gotten an explanation to the little riddle running in his head.

“Yer know, I think Xabi did describe yer to his mother.”

Steven shook his head vigorously, quickly dismissing Jamie’s absurd idea.

“Nope, it can’t be. It’s not possible, Jamie. According to Xabi’s mum, Xabi had told her this late last year and at that time they were still together, Xabi and Matt. And I asked her that perhaps she was mistaken and that she might have heard Xabi wrongly but she was adamant that she was right and that Xabi’s description had fitted me perfectly. And when I didn’t say anythin’ after that, she went on and asked me why I didn’t seem enthused when her son had talked glowingly about me so I can’t go on arguin’ about it now, can I? In the end I quickly changed the subject and we ended up talkin’ about when her next visit to England would be.”

Steven had expected Jamie to drop the subject after that but all he’d gotten in return was a smirk.

“What’s with that stupid look on yer face?” Steven grumbled.

“Yer know what I think?”

“What?” Steven asked although he didn’t like where the conversation was heading especially after he’d seen the mischievous glint in Jamie’s eyes.

“I think, I really think that when Xabi had told his mum about this so called special friend of his, he was indeed describin’ yer, Stevie. He was describin’ yer to his mother. He was describin’ to her who he really loves!”

“What the hell do yer mean? And why in the world would Xabi do that! He was with Matt then!” Steven argued, his voice shrilled and tensed. “Don’t go thinkin’ stupid things, Jamie!”

“Didn’t yer hear what I said, Stevie? Maybe Xabi does like yer…who knows, eh? Maybe he secretly wishes that he’s with yer instead of Matt at that time! And besides, yer’ve been friends with Xabi for ages! Maybe he secretly fancies yer!”

“Oh fuck off, Jamie! That’s…that’s ridiculous!” Steven scoffed and immediately looked out the window, turning his face away from his friend, angry that Jamie had thought of something so utterly ridiculous and absurd.

Seeing that Steven was angry, Jamie quickly tried to smooth things between them, apologizing profusely at him but somehow he still couldn’t help but clarify why he’d thought of Xabi liking Steven in that manner.

“Well he didn’t seem entirely horrified when he’d found out yer were his boyfriend now, did he?”

Steven simply kept quiet and continued staring outside the car window completely ignoring Jamie beside him. He didn’t want to discuss the matter further because he had other important things to deal with and Jamie’s crazy ideas were the last thing he’d like to worry about but somehow the damage had been done and all along the journey to the hospital, he could not stop thinking about the things Jamie had said.

Fancy Xabi fancyin’ me! Fuck that’s totally…absurd! That’s…that’s mental! He cannot possibly like me that way because he’d been with that twat all along…and fuck, I don’t see the reason why Xabi had to like him anyway! That bloody jerk! But God, Xabi fancyin’ me? No…that’s just stupid! That’s crazy! That’s just…that’s just…oh fuck!

The argument in Steven’s head continued on and on, swirling madly in his mind until he didn’t even realise they had reached the hospital.

“We are here.”

Steven looked up and saw Jamie had parked his car and was now giving him a silly grin. Before Steven could snap at his friend for the umpteenth time that day, Jamie’s mobile phone came to life and the familiar Beatle’s song Steven had heard numerous times somewhat saved Jamie from receiving another earful from him. He waited anxiously for Jamie’s conversation to end, hearing the words ‘important’ and Jamie asking something like ‘can’t it wait?’ along the way and when it did finally finish, Jamie turned to look at Steven with a sorry look.

“Fuck that was the office, I have to go and pick up some important documents from one of our clients.”

“Well can’t yer get it later?” Steven asked, hopeful he wouldn’t need to go up to Xabi’s room alone.

“They want me to look at it before tomorrow’s early presentation so I need to get it now before they leave.”

“But can’t they email it to yer?” Steven insisted. “What’s the point of modern technology if yer office can’t use them?”

Jamie narrowed his eyes at Steven and shrugged. “It’s in hardcopy, Stevie and no they can’t email me the softcopy ones because if they could they would have done that already. I guess it’s some confidential stuff and they don’t want it to get into the wrong hands. It’s the company’s policy.”

“Ahh damn it,” Steven continued grumbling, not quite believing his luck. “But what about Xabi? Yer’re gonna come here after that right?”

“Well of course I’ll come after I get the documents,” Jamie replied. He knew Steven was nervous and quickly patted his shoulder, assuring him he’d come as soon as he could. “It won’t take me long, alright? I’ll come.”

“Fuck,” Steven mumbled under his breath.

The prospect of meeting Xabi with those stupid ideas Jamie had firmly planted in head was making Steven dead nervous. He then looked at Jamie pleadingly one more time, his fingers gripping the car door handle but not quite opening it yet.

“Don’t take too long, alright? Yer can’t leave me here alone with him for too long.”

Jamie rolled his eyes at Steven and shoved him slightly, hoping he’d make his move out of the car so he could leave quickly.

“For fuck’s sake, Stevie, it’s Xabi! Not some stranger yer don’t know! And the sooner I go to the office, the faster I’ll come back.”

“Make it quick, Jamie,” Steven pleaded again and Jamie only nodded in response.

Seeing there was no point in delaying Jamie any longer, Steven finally opened the car door but before he could leave, Jamie surprised him by tugging at his arm.

“Wait, Stevie, before I forget,” he said and when Steven turned, he saw him searching for something in the dashboard compartment. When he finally found what he was searching for, he quickly handed it over to Steven.

“Those are Xabi’s apartment keys.”

For a moment Steven gave him a puzzled look and simply stared at the bunch of keys in his hand. “Err, why are yer givin’ me these?”

“Well yer are goin’ to need them aren’t yer? I mean Xabi’s bein’ discharged later and he’s gonna need those to get into his apartment.”

“I know that but why give them to me?” Steven questioned, annoyed that Jamie was not taking his question seriously and merely ignoring him by starting his car engine.

“Jamie! Why give them to me?” he cried and poked Jamie on the ribs making him yelp.

“Fuck, Stevie, yer can be a kid sometimes!”

“Well just answer my question then! Why give them to me?”

Jamie shook his head at his friend and gave him the serious look but truthfully he had wanted so badly to laugh.

“Stevie, yer’re gonna need to help Xabi when he comes home later and well…since yer are with Xabi now, don’t yer think yer should be keepin’ those keys? I mean, how can a boyfriend not have his lover’s apartment keys?”

“Oh fuckin’ hell, Jamie!” Steven groaned and hid his face in his hands.

“What?” Jamie asked but this time he was grinning widely.

“Don’t call me that!”

“Don’t call yer what?” Jamie asked incredulously. He saw Steven’s irritated face and he knew his teasing had worked well. “What did I call yer?”

“Yer called me…yer called me Xabi’s lover,” Steven whined and that made Jamie’s resolve falter and he finally howled with laughter.

“Well aren’t yer now?” Jamie winked after he’d stopped laughing and by then Steven’s face had turned beet red with embarrassment and he quickly stormed out of the car before slamming it shut on Jamie’s face and left in an angry huff.

“How are yer feelin’ today? Are yer feelin’ better?”

“I’m fine, Stevie. I’m feeling much better, thanks,” Xabi answered Steven with a smile as he pulled himself up and leaned against the bed’s headboard.

All day since he’d woken up, Xabi’s eyes had consistently glanced at the door of his hospital room, expecting, perhaps waiting to see Steven’s head poke through it. Steven had told him he’d come as soon as he and Jamie had seen his parents off but still Xabi couldn’t help but feel disappointed when every time it was either the nurse or the doctor who’d entered the room and not Steven. And when he had finally showed up, Xabi’s heart had jumped at the sight of him.

He still could not remember when they’d gotten together or how but the more Xabi thought of it the more he realised it wasn’t really difficult to fathom why he’d chosen to be with Steven. Steven was kind and gentle and his sweet nature was his most endearing trait. And his smile and his eyes, God his eyes, how Xabi couldn’t take his eyes off them when he’d held his hand and kissed his palm. And looking at him now as he sat right beside him, Xabi understood wholeheartedly why he’d loved him.

“Where is Jamie?” Xabi asked him after he’d seen him settled down. “He’s not coming?”

“Jamie will come later. He had to get somethin’ from the office but he’ll be here soon enough,” Steven answered, hoping what he had said was true. Jamie had better come quickly for hardly a few minutes spent with Xabi alone was already making him nervy.

“That’s fine, Stevie. At least you are here with me.”

Steven gulped hearing Xabi’s words. The whole of last night he had not been able to sleep well for he’d spent it thinking of everything that had happened. His head had throbbed with pain from time to time but that hadn’t kept him awake. That had not been the reason. It was because his thoughts had been full of Xabi and the whole mess he’d gotten himself into. And when he did finally manage to close his eyes, it had already been morning.

“Are you alright, Stevie? You look a little pale.”

Xabi’s voice pulled Steven back from his wandering thoughts and when he saw Xabi’s concerned eyes on him, Steven assured him he was alright.

“I’m okay, just a little tired I guess,” Steven replied. He wished Xabi hadn’t noticed but obviously he had. “I couldn’t really sleep last night.”

“Why?”

Why did yer have to tell him that? Now he’s askin’ yer questions again!

“I guess it’s the bruise on my head, the pain kept me awake,” Steven lied as he skimmed his fingers on the slightly purplish area on his left temple. There were also some scratches and cuts just above the bruise and Xabi winced thinking how it must have hurt when his head had hit the road. He’d wanted to say something comforting but he didn’t know how so in the end all he could do was nod his head at Steven.

Soon after that words became lost on them. Steven had known something like this was going to happen if he was left alone with Xabi. And coupled with the idea Jamie had put into his head, it had made it a lot worse for Steven.

“I had a dream last night, Stevie.”

Steven wasn’t really sure whether he had actually heard Xabi saying those words but when he saw Xabi’s lips moving, he quickly realised his friend was indeed talking to him and that his brain had been slow to process them.

“A dream?” Steven asked after he’d pulled himself together. Clasping his hands together, he then leaned slightly forward and rested both his elbows on his knees. He wondered whether it was a good idea to really know what Xabi’s dream was about because he had a bad feeling it might lead to unwanted questions or revelations but he couldn’t sound disinterested and remembering he had to play along as much as he could, he urged Xabi to tell him about his dream.

“What’s the dream about?”

“I dreamt I had a conversation with my mother,” Xabi answered softly. “In it I was telling her about this person I’m in love with.”

Steven’s heart froze.

Oh fuck! Yer’re not doin’ this to me now, Xabi.

But his lips had moved on their own accord and without realising it, Steven had asked him further what the dream had meant.

“I was telling her about you, Stevie. I was describing how you looked like when I had told her I was in love. The dream felt so real and when I woke up, I could still remember everything clearly. It was as if the dream was giving me clues to things I should remember.”

This is unbelievable! She was just tellin’ me that!

“And what do yer remember now, Xabi? Have yer remembered anythin’ at all?”

“Not really, no,” Xabi answered disappointedly. “I was hoping I would but none have come to me so far.”

So yer don’t really remember whether yer had actually fancied me…bummer!

“Well don’t worry, okay? I’m sure somethin’ will come up soon. And once we get yer home, yer’ll start to remember the little details. We’ll all help yer remember.”

“Si, thanks, Stevie,” Xabi muttered softly with a smile. “The doctor said I can leave soon, we just need to wait for him for a bit.”

“Right,” Steven answered and smiled back at Xabi. His smile was getting too infectious for Steven’s liking because each time he’d seen it, he’d get a warm tingling feeling in his heart.

But then a sudden nasty thought quickly entered Steven’s head, disrupting his moment. What if Xabi suddenly wants him to stay on after they take him home later? He couldn’t say no, could he? And what if Xabi wants him to sleep with him on the same bed? Steven suddenly felt faint. If they had been together for four fucking years, it would be too strange to refuse him!

“Stevie, are you alright? You suddenly look worried.”

Xabi had seen Steven’s sudden change of mood and it had worried him tremendously. “Are you okay, Stevie?”

“I am,” Steven murmured. “I’m fine.”

Fuck, Stevie. What are yer gonna do when he asks yer that?

“Can you come and sit here, Stevie?” Xabi asked suddenly, patting at the little space just beside where he was sitting on the bed.

Gulping nervously, Steven contemplated whether he really should do what Xabi wanted. His hands were shaking and his feet were getting cold. His heart was beating a little too fast and beads of cold sweat were already breaking on his forehead. If he sat any closer to Xabi, he was sure he’d suspect something was wrong with him.

“Stevie? Please come here.”

Xabi had stretched a hand out, just like he’d done the previous night and before long, Steven found himself sitting right beside the Spaniard with both his hands now firmly in his grasp.

“You are cold,” Xabi said, rubbing his hands and for a moment Steven could not take his eyes away from Xabi.

Fuck, I never knew Xabi had such gorgeous eyes! Fuck, I did not just say that! Fuck!

“Yes, it is a bit cold,” Steven muttered. He was having a hard time concentrating with Xabi being so close to him. Steven found himself holding his breath and feared Xabi could hear the loud pounding of his heart. All his life, Steven had never been this nervous!

“I still cannot remember how we began, Stevie. It is a shame, no?”

“It’s okay, Xabi, don’t think it,” Steven replied but his voice had sounded squeaky and Steven hated it.

For fuck’s sakes, Steven, get a grip on yerself! It’s only Xabi! And yer’re actin’ like a girl!

“But even if I don’t remember, I really do know that I love you, Steven.”

At that precise moment, Steven felt like his world had tumbled upside down. He felt like the air had been taken out of his lungs and he could barely breathe. No one had ever really said those words to him and Xabi was the first person that did. But in reality, when Steven had managed to calm himself down a bit, he realised Xabi had only said that because he didn’t remember.

But yer don’t love me, Xabi. Not really. Yer’re just gettin’ it all wrong.

“Xabi?” Steven then whispered his friend’s name, not knowing how he’d suddenly gotten so brave.

“Yes?”

Do yer…do yer really…love me?

Steven had really wanted to ask him that but instead, the words that came out were ‘It’ll be alright once we get yer home.’

“Gracias, Steven,” Xabi answered and leaned his head against Steven’s shoulder. The contact sent sparks flying all over, nervousness and tension seeping all over Steven’s body, making it weak but his arm had moved around Xabi’s shoulder, pulling him closer and for a moment Steven was simply contented to hold Xabi in his arm.

But just as he was about to get comfortable, the sight of Jamie entering the room with a huge grin on his face made him jerked his hand away and he quickly stood up, making Xabi almost fall over at the lost of contact between their bodies.

“Jamie!” he’d squeaked when he’d seen him approaching them and that made Jamie raised an eyebrow at Steven.

“Yer look dead excited to see me, Stevie,” Jamie quipped. “Did he look that excited when he saw yer, Xabi?”

Xabi could only smile shyly in response and Steven groaned inwardly, swearing at Jamie for teasing him at the most inappropriate time but also cursing him for wrecking his moment with Xabi.

How Did I Fall? (In Love With You)(Part 3/10)

2009-05-29T15:23:12Z

Title : How Did I Fall? (In Love With You)(Part 3/10)
Pairing : Steven Gerrard/Xabi Alonso
Rating : PG13
Summary :Xabi has woken up and what will he say after he has heard Steven's 'confession'?
Disclaimer : This is a story contrived from my imagination.
Warnings : Fluff, romance, angst.
Feedbacks : I'd love to hear your feedback and comments. It keeps me going.
A/N : Finally the third chapter. Sorry it took such a long time to update because work just sucks!

Part 2
Part 1

How Did I Fall? (In Love With You)(Part 3/10)

“I cannot believe yer said what yer said, Stevie! I mean, what the hell were yer thinkin’?”

Jamie’s gruff voice, even though he had kept it hushed and extremely toned down, was still making Steven’s ears ache. His friend had gawked at him after he’d amazingly admitted to Xabi’s parents that he and Xabi were together as an item and when Xabi’s parents had crowded around their son who’d just woken up from his doze under the heavy medication he’d received, Jamie had pulled Steven fiercely aside.

“Do yer realised what yer’ve done? Do yer know what’s gonna happen if this comes out in the open? And Xabi even heard what yer’ve said! Fuck, there’s no gettin’ out of this now!”

“For fuck’s sakes of course I do know what I’ve done!” Steven replied his bemused friend, trying his very best to keep his agitated voice down as well. He knew he had to have a good answer for Jamie’s burgeoning questions and after he’d fidgeted and squirmed under Jamie’s intense glare, Steven finally gave up thinking of a good reason to give. Because truthfully he hadn’t any.

“Ahh fuck, didn’t yer see how sad Xabi’s mother had looked?” he whispered in Jamie’s ear the only logical answer he could think of, at the same time looking over his shoulder, ensuring no one was near them enough to listen to what he had to say. “She was almost cryin’ again when I took such a long time to answer and I didn’t want to upset her further so I couldn’t say I wasn’t Xabi’s…yer know…boyfriend.”

Steven blushed when he’d said those words, feeling extremely weird saying it but at the same time he couldn’t help grinning a little.

“Look, if it makes yer feel better I can’t believe I had said that either to be honest,” he said sheepishly before scratching his temple and continuing, “I was only tryin’ to do the right thing, mate…but look, as soon as Xabi’s over this amnesia thing, I’m gonna tell him everythin’, alright? So there’s really nothin’ to worry about. And yer know I’ll tell him the truth.”

“Yer damn right yer have to tell him the truth!” Jamie hissed still not entirely satisfied. “But have yer ever wondered that by the time yer get to tell Xabi the entire truth how bad things could become?”

Steven was getting increasingly annoyed at Jamie’s nagging and even though he knew there were truths in his words, he was not going to let that worry him, well not yet anyway. He’d deal with the prospect of owning up to Xabi later when the time comes. Not wanting Xabi or his parents to get suspicious of them hushing and whispering behind their back, Steven dragged Jamie out of Xabi’s room and continued their conversation just outside of it.

“Look at how happy they are now, Jamie. Look,” Steven then said and gestured at the family, urging Jamie to do the same. Through the glass panel on the wall, they could see what was happening inside the room and Jamie understood what Steven was talking about. He could see Xabi smiling and talking to his mother who was by his side lovingly caressing her son’s face and Xabi’s father, who was standing beside her, was once in a while nodding his head to their conversation, the happiness on his face clearly etched.

“That’s what matters right now, Jamie. Their happiness matters. I don’t want them to worry and as for Xabi, I’m sure I can handle the blunder I just did. It’s not that big a deal and besides, yer’ll be there to help me, right?”

His heart had softened a little when Steven had made him see why he had admitted to something extremely ridiculous to his ears at the beginning but after hearing that cheeky little statement, Jamie frowned slightly at Steven, knowing fully well what he was trying to imply.

“Oh no, Stevie, yer’re not dragging me into this,” he said pointedly. “It was yer brilliant idea so yer’re gonna have to deal with this alone.”

“Oh come on, Jamie,” Steven pleaded with him. “I’m not askin’ yer to do anythin’. All I’m sayin’ is if Xabi were to ask yer any questions about me and him yer just need to play along with it. Tell him what he really needs to know and what’s not important, yer don’t have to! It’s not that hard to do, is it?”

“And for exactly how long do I have to do this? How long do yer plan to keep this brilliant idea of yers from our friend’s knowledge?” Jamie asked crossing his arms across his chest.

“Until he regains his memory,” Steven answered nonchalantly, not the least worried at Jamie’s stern look and it had made Jamie wanted to strangle Steven. He didn’t like the idea Steven was having and although he only meant well, Jamie couldn’t help but worry it would lead to further complications in the future.

“But what if it takes months? Do I have to keep lyin’ to Xabi the entire time?” Jamie again questioned. “It’s not gonna be easy, Stevie and yer know that.”

“Look, I’m sure it’s not gonna take that long for him to recover. Even the doctor had said so. That’s why I’m pretty confident about all this,” Steven explained and then begged his friend again. “Please, Jamie? It’s not like I wanted to lie about this…it just happened!”

Jamie then turned his attention once again to the family inside the room and before he could argue with Steven any further, before he could make him see the disastrous consequences he would put himself into, he’d found himself agreeing to Steven’s ideas. But his agreement had come with a condition.

“If Xabi does not regain his memory by a week, yer have to tell him the truth.”

“Don’t yer think yer’re givin’ him too short a time to recover?” Steven asked, hopeful that Jamie might extend the time frame he’d stated. “What about two or three weeks? Wouldn’t that be more realistic?”

“A week, Steven! A week and that’s it! And if yer don’t tell him then yer know I will!”

By the time Xabi’s parents had left the hospital and had said their goodbyes, Steven found himself almost regretting what he had said. Xabi’s mother had kissed him goodbye and his father had hugged him tightly and suddenly Steven was overwhelmed with guilt. He had lied to them blatantly and in return, they’d been so nice to him! He couldn’t go on with it and had decided to tell Xabi everything but when he’d entered Xabi’s room a few moments later with Jamie, one look at Xabi’s face and he’d forgotten all he’d wanted to say.

“Hi, Stevie,” he’d said almost shyly and at that moment Steven knew he was going to have to stick to his lie for a little while longer.

After he’d said his hellos to Xabi, Steven pulled the chair he had sat on all night right beside Xabi’s bed. Jamie who’d kept quiet all along stood by the edge of the bed and Steven could feel his stern eyes on him. For a moment Steven wished Jamie would quit staring because he was worried Xabi would cotton on and as if reading his mind, Jamie did as he had hoped and began talking to Xabi much to his relief.

As he was watching his friends, Steven suddenly realised he’d been discharged hours ago but was still at the fucking hospital! The bruise on his head was getting a bit sore, probably due to the pain killer medication he’d taken wearing off but despite all that, despite his bruised body and the throbbing pain in his head, he still hadn’t the heart to leave. Not before he could talk to Xabi or at least find out on what he’d thought about the things he’d heard him say earlier.

“We didn’t know yer parents were here, Xabi. I felt foolish when I had asked them how they’d gotten here so soon,” Steven heard Jamie admit to Xabi after he had lain down on the bed. He had sat up all along and sensing Xabi had grown tired, Jamie had advised him to rest.

“Si but to be honest, I don’t even remember that part…about them being here. I only know it after they told me just now,” Xabi then answered truthfully. The disappointment on his face however was clear and Jamie was quick to lighten his mood.

“Yeah, yer mum said yer’d invited them over and they’d been here almost a week! And they’re gonna leave tomorrow! How come yer never told us they were here? We would’ve loved to meet them!”

“Quit askin’ him so many things will yer? He doesn’t remember,” Steven suddenly quipped in.

“Right, I’m sorry about that, Xabi,” Jamie apologised after he had realised his mistake. “I wasn’t thinkin’.”

“It’s alright, Jamie,” Xabi replied with a smile. “It can’t be helped that I cannot remember although I am trying very hard to think of the things that had happened.”

Steven tensed a little hearing that and started fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. He tried to make Jamie talk about something else but his friend somehow failed to get his message.

“I’m sure yer do. None of us wanted this to happen,” Jamie said understandingly. “But don’t worry, it’ll all be alright soon.”

There was a brief pause after that and desperate to change the topic, Steven quickly cut in before Jamie could say anything else.

“How’s yer head feelin’, Xabi. Does it still hurt?” he asked slowly.

“It’s alright but sometimes I can feel it a bit sore,” Xabi replied with his fingers slowly rubbing his forehead.

“Yeah, it’s the same with me but unfortunately yours is a little bit worse,” Steven muttered. He immediately felt regretful again knowing he’d caused the entire accident and was suddenly angry at himself for bringing the matter up. “I’m sorry again, Xabi. It’s my fault this.”

“Well, Stevie, just like Jamie said, I’m sure you never want it to happen,” Xabi answered gently before pausing a while to look at his friend. He was trying to remember the details of the accident, trying hard to recall what had happened and how, but after trying for sometime Xabi realised it was hopeless and finally gave up. Shaking his head a bit, he then leaned back against the pillows and stared intently at Steven.

“It’s funny you are apologizing for something I totally do not remember happening. I feel so weird.”

Steven shot a glance at Jamie and from the look he was giving him, Jamie knew Steven wanted him to intervene.

“The accident just made yer lose part of yer memory, Xabi. But it’ll come back soon, I promise,” Jamie said before leaning down and squeezing Xabi’s shoulder reassuringly. “And when yer do, yer’ll remember everythin’ again, alright? It’ll be okay then.”

But instead of acknowledging Jamie’s reasoning, Xabi continued his questions at Steven much to his dismay. He had hoped Jamie could distract Xabi’s attention away from him but apparently it had not worked.

“So I saved you, Stevie? I pushed you out of the way?” Xabi continued asking, his eyes now fixed on the nervous Steven. “But why did that happen? I mean…what were we doing then?”

“Yes, yes yer did, Xabi. Yer saved me,” Steven muttered while averting his eyes from Xabi’s probing ones. “And we were on our way to dinner with Jamie like I had said earlier when it happened. It all happened so fast…I don’t know why I didn’t see that car comin’.”

“I see,” Xabi replied softly. “Maybe you have a lot to think? You were not paying attention, no?”

Yer’re damn right I had a lot to think! You and yer Matt problems! But thank goodness yer haven’t mentioned him yet!

“I guess so,” Steven muttered, his voice lower than ever.

Either Xabi was oblivious to his obvious uneasiness or he was totally ignoring it altogether and was simply enjoying torturing him for it. When Steven glanced up at Xabi a few seconds later and saw him still looking at him with curious eyes, Steven shifted places from where he’d sat to the edge of Xabi’s bed and stared at the empty wall in front of him. Wringing his fingers together, Steven prayed Xabi wouldn’t ask him anything further for he knew he’d be a stuttering mess and it would show all over his face.

Jamie on the other hand could only watch on, completely amused at what was happening in front of him. He felt sorry for Steven but at the same time he thought this should serve as a good lesson for him. At least he’d know it wouldn’t be so easy after all what he’d planned in his mind, Jamie thought quietly. But after a few minutes of uncomfortable silence, Jamie decided he had to do something for Steven’s sake.

“Yer look tired, Stevie. We should get yer home,” Jamie began. “It’s late and there’s no real need anymore for us to stay. The doctor said Xabi would be fine and we can come back again tomorrow.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Steven mumbled.

He was still afraid to look at Xabi fearing he’d asked something he couldn’t answer again. Luckily for Steven, Xabi had yet to bring up the matter about them being ‘together’ but despite that, he was dying to know what Xabi’s real thoughts were. For a split second, Steven had found some courage to ask Xabi whether he had actually remembered them as a couple prior to the accident but Jamie had spoilt it when he’d told Xabi they were going to leave.

“We best be leavin’ now, Xabi but we’ll come back again tomorrow, alright?”

“Okay,” Xabi answered. “You are going to take Steven home, Jamie?”

Xabi’s question made both friends stopped from what they were doing, Steven almost dropping his jacket and Jamie choking slightly before simultaneously turning their faces to look at the Spaniard on the bed. Xabi’s wide eyes somehow looked endearing to Steven and he had a funny feeling at the pit of his stomach when he’d seen it. He groaned inwardly and thought he was going to have a tough time dealing with the whole mess he’d gotten himself into.

When Jamie hadn’t answered Xabi during the first time of asking, Xabi repeated again his question.

“You will take him home, si?”

“Of course, I’ll take him home, Xabi. Yer needn’t worry about that. I’ll see to it he gets home safe and sound, alright?” Jamie replied with a wink.

“Fuck, Jamie, don’t over do it!” Steven thought quietly when he saw the cheeky look Jamie had given Xabi and surprisingly when Steven saw Xabi blushed, he felt totally embarrassed himself. Quickly he looked down at his feet, shuffling it from side to side, hoping to God Jamie hadn’t noticed his flushed face but unfortunately for Steven, Jamie hadn’t missed a single thing and an evil thought quickly entered his mind.

“I’ll go get my car, Stevie. I’ll give yer both some moment alone, okay? I’ll wait for yer downstairs, mate.”

By the time Steven realised what was happening, Jamie was already gone and he was left all alone with Xabi. Immediately his nervousness kicked in again and his palms started to get sweaty. It was worse now because there were only the two of them in that room and there was no Jamie to save him. None of his smart arse remarks to distract Xabi’s attention.

Fuck it, I’m dead.

“Stevie?”

Xabi’s voice made Steven looked up and their eyes met.

“Yeah?”

Steven held his breath, his heart beating furiously.

Please, Xabi. Don’t ask me anythin’ I can’t answer.

“How long have we been together?”

Oh fuck! Do yer have to do this to me?

“You…you don’t remember?” Steven asked gulping.

“Unfortunately no…is bad, no? That I cannot remember us? How we started?”

Us? That sounds…quite nice?

“It’s okay, Xabi. It’s not that yer want to forget…us,” Steven assured Xabi, not quite believing he had let his mind wander to dangerous territory. “Don’t think about it, okay?”

“I know but I feel I should at least remember how it all started but it is all blank. I cannot remember it at all, Stevie. And I want to know…I need to know…how long we’ve been together.”

Just give him a number, will yer? It’s not gonna matter.

“Four years, we’ve been together four years.”

Four fuckin’ years! That’s a bloody long time, Steven!

“Four years,” Xabi whispered. “Is long, Steven.”

“It is.”

“Our love is strong for us to stay together so long.”

Hearing that, Steven quickly glanced at his watch, wondering if he had kept Jamie waiting and noticed it hadn’t even been five minutes since Jamie had left but he felt like it had been an eternity. He started to fidget again and when Xabi saw Steven’s anxious behaviour, he sat up and held out his hand to Steven. At first Steven simply stood there dumbstruck not knowing what to do. He wondered whether he was actually dreaming but when he heard Xabi calling out his name, he finally moved his leg and in no time at all he was right beside Xabi’s bed again and had taken Xabi’s hand in his.

“I want you to know,” Xabi began. “I want to thank you for staying here with me.”

Steven could only nod. He had wanted to say “what are yer thankin’ me for, Xabi? I caused yer to lose yer memory!’ but he couldn’t move his lips so in the end he kept his silence.

“I mean you could have gone home but you stayed with me here, Stevie. For that I thank you.”

“We’re friends, of course I would have stayed. I would have stayed for anyone, Xabi,” Steven squeaked but then he realised he had said something wrong when he saw Xabi’s face fell.

“What’s the matter? Yer looked upset?”

“You would stay for anyone, Stevie? You stayed not because…not because we’re together? Not because I’m…I’m something to you?”

Oh fuck it, Steven! You and yer bloody big mouth! Undo it! Undo it right now!

“No, Xabi! That’s not what I meant!” Steven cried, alarmed to see Xabi’s sad eyes upon him. He squeezed Xabi’s hand that was still in his firm grip, amazed he hadn’t let it go just yet, and then brought it up to kiss his palm. The contact of his lips against Xabi’s skin made shivers run down Steven’s spine. He wasn’t really sure what compelled him to show Xabi that little act of tenderness but he was certain it had to do something with the way Xabi had looked at him. He couldn’t bear to see Xabi sad, not for a moment.

“Of course yer mean somethin’ to me, Xabi,” Steven then whispered although he wasn’t sure himself what he had meant.

Xabi’s smile that greeted Steven after he’d said those words made his heart flutter and he was certain the bump he’d suffered to his head had caused him more than just pain, it had messed with his mind, causing him not to be able to think straight.

“Don’t yer worry, alright?” Steven said again, ignoring his conflicting thoughts and Xabi nodded.

“I won’t.”

Breathing a sigh of relief, Steven then told Xabi he needed to go because Jamie would have been waiting already and he didn’t want to make him wait any longer. Understanding perfectly, Xabi agreed and in a surprise move that caught Steven totally off guard, Xabi flung both his arms around Steven’s neck and kissed his cheek, making Steven gasp a little. Xabi didn’t take his lips off his cheek immediately and it lingered there for a while and Steven was sure he was going to die of a fucking heart attack soon. And after a few agonising moments, to both Steven’s relief and disappointment, Xabi finally took his lips away.

“Thanks again, Stevie. I’ll see you tomorrow, si?”

“Okay,” Steven answered but his voice was a hoarse whisper, almost unrecognisable even to his own ears.

When he finally left Xabi’s room, Steven was left thoroughly confused with his own feelings. He was quite certain it was all due to the overwhelming guilt he’d felt for Xabi that had caused him to act funnily around him. It had to be the reason.

“It would return to normal once Xabi remembers,” he muttered to himself as he leaned against the elevator door after it had closed behind him. “I would return to normal.”

Recalling again what he’d blurted out in front of everyone earlier that night, Steven sighed. He hadn’t meant for the words to spill out of his mouth like had no control over what he’d wanted to say but one look at Xabi’s mother’s face, with her eyes full of hope, Steven had no choice. All this while he’d been a mere friend to Xabi, nothing more and nothing less but now he was caught in a tangle he couldn’t get out off and there was no one to blame but himself.